Aphrodite or Eris ?
So, who invited Pauline?
Question: Who invited Pauline to our Political party?
Answer: No one, because no one had to. Trouble comes uninvited.
It’s not the same with the Pauline of the USA, of course. She was invited. No excuses there. They invited trouble and trouble they got.
But ours was not. She just suddenly appeared.
There was a lesser known goddess, living on Olympus… back then. Lesser known but far more important and far more influential than Zeus himself. She was lesser known because no one wanted to utter her name. No one in his or her right mind would invite her or invoke her name for any reason at all. In fact she was the only goddess about whom both, mortals and gods alike would say, “I wouldn’t want her to visit even my worst enemy!” Awesome, fearsome, troublesome. Her only “talent” was to bring discord between people. And that’s how she got her name, Eris.
English words like “eristic” and “derision” have their origin (deep into the lush soil of etymology) in the deeds of this goddess. Dieresis, in Greek means division. (You might have come across “dieretic” –nothing to do with “diarrhetic” though). Democratic Parliaments go though a dieresis, during which time mums may kiss their babies goodnight.
And there was no one, no mortal, no god, not even a hybrid of both, like a minotaur or a Lernean Hydra, who could claim as much success at their job as this goddess. Because of her, because of Eris, 1000 ships were launched onto an expedition that took ten years to complete. Because of Eris, one young Greek Princess (Iphigeneia) and one young Trojan Princess, (Polyxene) were sacrificed, a baby boy, Astyanax, was thrown to his death from over the tops of Troy’s highest towers, thousands of men, women and children were slaughtered and a city, Troy, was razed to the now blood-drenched ground for ever.
No one ever invites Eris to their party or anywhere else for that matter. Eris will invite herself if she thinks it’ll be fun for her.
Peleus was a valiant, good looking hero, certainly with a long and dodgy past but you wouldn’t be a hero if you didn’t have a long and dodgy past. Anyhow, he and a stunning nereid, (sea nymph) the silver-footed Thetis, with a long but pristine past (heroes can only marry women with long but pristine pasts) fell in love and decided to get married. All the gods were in favour and they blessed this couple; and all the gods were invited to the great wedding. All, of course, except Eris. Of course, not! No one in his right mind invites Eris! The Pig’s Arms was booked for a whole year and the best chefs of Greece cooked the most delicious morsels. Vignerons from all over Greece were engaged to supply the venue with their best vintages and Doctor Seus cooked the biggest pie ever.
The zorba was well on its way at the Pig’s Arms, the kids were slowly and lusciously roasting on the spit and both, the nectar and the ambrosia as well as the delicious morsels and the sublime wines came in endless lines of cute waiters and waitresses. In short, mortals and Gods were all having a woopee of a time. Brigid Delaney was giggling like a little school girl whose nose is being tickled by a feather duster.
Until the noise of merriment reached Eris’ ears!
She looked down from Olympus and what she saw got her very angry! “Ha, no invite for me, again!” she spat out violently, her face turning a blazing crimson. A second later she had the punishment all worked out. She reached over into her splendid garden and plucked out a golden apple from her golden apple tree. Then, in nice calligraphy she wrote upon the apple, as she chuckled her evil chuckle, the words, “To the most beautiful!”
She took one last look at the apple and greatly satisfied, rolled it into the middle of the dancing floor. There was no doubt she meant beautiful “woman” because the adjective was feminine. A goddess has sent a “prize” to other goddesses. What would be suspicious about that ?
Three goddesses jumped for the apple – and that was that! The end of the party and the beginning of THE discord, the beginning of THE conflict, the conflict that ballooned into a catastrophe, encompassing half the known world.
Aphrodite had first claim to that little trinket, not because she needed the jewellery – her palaces were dazzling with gold and precious gems- but because of the title. “The Most Beautiful!” She just had to have that title
Athena argued. Aphro, she claimed, was not beautiful, she was merely a seductress and anyone can be a seductress, even a Harpy! Hera pushed them both aside with “I am Zeus’ wife and I say, I am the most beautiful.”
A trivial trinket, a trivial prize, trivial arguments from all three sides but how serious were the consequences! The wedding party, for one, was thoroughly stuffed. Both, Merv and granny were told they were no longer needed and were sent off unceremoniously. No wages, no tips, nothing!
Emmjay swore all sorts of swear words, not one of them publishable and, in utter disgust, threw his computer up against a wall! The outlook looked grim! Warrigal showed his canines to Helvi and promised to kill all the women of the world. Brigid Delaney shook her head in utter dismay and then Madeleine by the right arm (chaperone-like) called Glenda, Helvi and Voice and formed a union.
Jayell thought that they were behaving like… well, like unionists!
Zeus was furious! He leaned his head over to Apollo’s ear and asked him to hurry up and look down from his golden chariot, across the wide bosoms of the ever-nourishing earth and see if he could find some independent man to take on this horrible beauty contest. Then he went to the three women and told them to hold their anger because a solution would arrive shortly. Breaths were cut short until Apollo had scanned every nook and cranny of the first ever mother. It had to be a man.
He checked out Gerard and shook his head. Too nice a guy. These women will eat him alive. Then he checked out Merv. Nope, his lips are constantly dribbling with lust. Then the Hung one and, for a second or two, considered the possibilities. Finally he looked away. Something about that guy weighed heavily. This was getting difficult.
Fully stressed out now, Apollo looked outside, far beyond the Pig’s Arms, even beyond the Greek lands and way over to the lands of the barbarians, finally, his eyes resting on Troy, or Ilium as it was also called.
There, under a tree, he found a young Prince playing his flute, as he was watching over his father’s prize herd of bovines. That boy would be the judge! He was a Prince. His father, Priam had a long and kind history.
So, the next thing our poor, unsuspecting Paris (aka Alexandros) knew, three exquisite looking goddesses appear before him. The brilliance of their beauty confounded him. He rubbed his several times and patted his heart just as many times to bring himself back to a mortal’s disposition. No mortal ever had experienced such a triple dose of goddesses, all looking their very best and all smiling at him. For a minute the ghost of Svetlana shimmered before his eyes but Brkon Krdovovich’s open palm came down hard onto his left cheek. The words, “Svetlana is my ghost” thundered inside his head.
The Prince’s shock broke when one of the goddesses, Athena –the goddess of wisdom, beauty and war- offered him something. A piece of paper, an object the young Prince had never seen before.
“Whaaaaaat’s this?” he managed to stutter.
Athena put it in his hands and said, “It’s an e-mail, sweetie. You’ve got to give it to one of us. The most beautiful one.”
Often, Eris enters your life through a glittering trinket… or a funny looking e-mail, or from a fish ‘n chips shop. Wrapped in newspaper
(To be continued… maybe) ….. Atomou
With thanks to Warrigal for the digital mischief….
