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Monthly Archives: August 2009

Cyrus: Chapter 5, part 3.

25 Tuesday Aug 2009

Posted by gerard oosterman in Cyrus the Great: Chronicles

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CYRUS

By

Theseustoo/Astyages

(Continued)

Early the next morning the slave informed Cyrus that the tribes had assembled in the large, open square in the centre of the city which, when the city of Persepolis was first built, had been set aside specifically for that purpose. Neither the Medes nor the Persians had real marketplaces in any of their cities, because they thought it more honourable to bargain with each other in private, rather than haggling over goods and, as they some-times phrased it, ‘forswearing themselves openly in a public place like the Greeks’. Cyrus took up his position on the speaker’s dais at one end of the square and, holding his arms aloft as a signal for silence, he addressed the huge crowd:

“My fellow Persians, I have here orders from our King, Astyages…” He held up a sheet of papyrus so that the whole crowd could see it, “In it he appoints me to be your general. Since this is the case, I command you all now, each man, to go and fetch his reaping-hook; I have a task for you…”

Had anyone in the crowd challenged him to read the scroll, it would have read just exactly as Cyrus had indicated, but although he’d prepared himself for just such a challenge, as it turned out there was no need to have done so, for it never came.

Indeed, as it happened the crowd were not even the least little bit surprised by this turn of events. Ever since Persia was conquered by Cyrus’ own great-grandfather, Phraortes, the Median kings, as overlords, had used the Persian nobility to govern the Persian people for them; being content to extract a large annual tribute in the form of gold, silver and purple, as well as various kinds of cattle, grains and other comestibles, together with an annual levy of troops to help support the Median armies. As long as the Persians kept paying the tribute and sending the levies, there had been no need for the Medes to occupy Persia; and the Persians had made sure always to meet their obligations in order to avoid just such an eventuality.

Furthermore, because Persians had always deemed lying to be the most despicable of all human failings; and because innocence walks hand-in-hand with gullibility, rarely did they ever even suspect that one of their own people might stoop to anything quite as dishonourable as deception. Thus when it was put to them that Cyrus, the popular and intelligent son of the noble Cambyses, should be appointed as their master, it did not raise even the shadow of a suspicion amongst the assembled tribes that this was anything but the truth.

Thus, when Cyrus claimed that he had been appointed to be their leader by Astyages, far from being surprised, most of them were even quite pleased at the news, for it struck them as a wise appointment. After all, not only was Cyrus a highly talented man, but also Astyages’ grandson; thus the Persians all felt that the appointment was perfectly natural; indeed, the wisest heads among them had almost expected something like this to happen anyway, sooner or later, so no-one even bothered to think about questioning the veracity of Cyrus’ story.

Obediently, as soon as they were given their orders, they all dispersed, to return early the next morning, as they had been asked, each man returning carrying with him a scythe or a sickle, just as their new lord had commanded. The following morning, when everyone had finally returned Cyrus then led them to a huge tract of scrubland, between about eighteen and twenty furlongs on each side, and completely covered with black thorn bushes.

Cyrus addressed the crowd once more:

“Now, I want you to clear this whole area of these thorn bushes… this task must be completed by sunset! Tomorrow, when this field has been cleared, everyone is to take a bath and come to me again in the gardens of my father’s palace!”

The crowd immediately moved to obey Cyrus’ orders; but it was extremely arduous work and they constantly pricked themselves. Soon their hands and forearms were all covered with painful and bloody scratches from all the needle-sharp black thorns, as the men cut down the large black bushes while the women collected them together and piled them into a huge heap in one corner of the area Cyrus had roped off.

In spite of their numbers, they had to work fast to clear the area before sunset as Cyrus had instructed, but everyone pitched in and eventually they succeeded, just as the final blood-red sliver of the setting sun slipped below the horizon, and the dark of the evening quickly closed in upon them.

Finally, totally exhausted and blackened from top to toe with grime from the bushes, mixed with the sweat from their own bodies; and bloodied in many places from the countless scratches which now criss-crossed their unprotected arms and legs as they trudged wearily home through the quickly-gathering gloom; wondering as they went what their new master would want them to do tomorrow.

***   *****   ***

Early the next morning the slave informed Cyrus that the tribes had assembled in the large, open square in the centre of the city which, when the city of Persepolis was first built, had been set aside specifically for that purpose. Neither the Medes nor the Persians had real marketplaces in any of their cities, because they thought it more honourable to bargain with each other in private, rather than haggling over goods and, as they some-times phrased it, ‘forswearing themselves openly in a public place like the Greeks’. Cyrus took up his position on the speaker’s dais at one end of the square and, holding his arms aloft as a signal for silence, he addressed the huge crowd:

“My fellow Persians, I have here orders from our King, Astyages…” He held up a sheet of papyrus so that the whole crowd could see it, “In it he appoints me to be your general. Since this is the case, I command you all now, each man, to go and fetch his reaping-hook; I have a task for you…”

Had anyone in the crowd challenged him to read the scroll, it would have read just exactly as Cyrus had indicated, but although he’d prepared himself for just such a challenge, as it turned out there was no need to have done so, for it never came.

Indeed, as it happened the crowd were not even the least little bit surprised by this turn of events. Ever since Persia was conquered by Cyrus’ own great-grandfather, Phraortes, the Median kings, as overlords, had used the Persian nobility to govern the Persian people for them; being content to extract a large annual tribute in the form of gold, silver and purple, as well as various kinds of cattle, grains and other comestibles, together with an annual levy of troops to help support the Median armies. As long as the Persians kept paying the tribute and sending the levies, there had been no need for the Medes to occupy Persia; and the Persians had made sure always to meet their obligations in order to avoid just such an eventuality.

Furthermore, because Persians had always deemed lying to be the most despicable of all human failings; and because innocence walks hand-in-hand with gullibility, rarely did they ever even suspect that one of their own people might stoop to anything quite as dishonourable as deception. Thus when it was put to them that Cyrus, the popular and intelligent son of the noble Cambyses, should be appointed as their master, it did not raise even the shadow of a suspicion amongst the assembled tribes that this was anything but the truth.

Thus, when Cyrus claimed that he had been appointed to be their leader by Astyages, far from being surprised, most of them were even quite pleased at the news, for it struck them as a wise appointment. After all, not only was Cyrus a highly talented man, but also Astyages’ grandson; thus the Persians all felt that the appointment was perfectly natural; indeed, the wisest heads among them had almost expected something like this to happen anyway, sooner or later, so no-one even bothered to think about questioning the veracity of Cyrus’ story.

Obediently, as soon as they were given their orders, they all dispersed, to return early the next morning, as they had been asked, each man returning carrying with him a scythe or a sickle, just as their new lord had commanded. The following morning, when everyone had finally returned Cyrus then led them to a huge tract of scrubland, between about eighteen and twenty furlongs on each side, and completely covered with black thorn bushes.

Cyrus addressed the crowd once more:

“Now, I want you to clear this whole area of these thorn bushes… this task must be completed by sunset! Tomorrow, when this field has been cleared, everyone is to take a bath and come to me again in the gardens of my father’s palace!”

The crowd immediately moved to obey Cyrus’ orders; but it was extremely arduous work and they constantly pricked themselves. Soon their hands and forearms were all covered with painful and bloody scratches from all the needle-sharp black thorns, as the men cut down the large black bushes while the women collected them together and piled them into a huge heap in one corner of the area Cyrus had roped off.

In spite of their numbers, they had to work fast to clear the area before sunset as Cyrus had instructed, but everyone pitched in and eventually they succeeded, just as the final blood-red sliver of the setting sun slipped below the horizon, and the dark of the evening quickly closed in upon them.

Finally, totally exhausted and blackened from top to toe with grime from the bushes, mixed with the sweat from their own bodies; and bloodied in many places from the countless scratches which now criss-crossed their unprotected arms and legs as they trudged wearily home through the quickly-gathering gloom; wondering as they went what their new master would want them to do tomorrow.

***   *****   ***

A Promised Land.

23 Sunday Aug 2009

Posted by gerard oosterman in The Other Side of the Carpark, The Public Bar

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By oosterman

Dinner inside Nissan hut

Dinner in the Nissan hut.

After a most enjoyable 5 weeks on board The Johan Van Oldenbarnevelt since leaving Rotterdam, I finally disembarked at the Sydney’s Circular quay side back in 1956. My first milk shake at the Spiro’s milk bar in George Street and a look at St Mary’s cathedral is what I still remember. However, more etched into my mind is what followed then.

It was sometime in the afternoon when those destined for Scheyville migrant camp were asked to assemble at the quay side. Our luggage would follow the bus in trucks. Of course, no one knew where that camp was situated. Somewhere in Sydney is what we were told. The bus was thus loaded with lots of shut jaw clamped migrants. We would finally face the reality of what our parents had undertaken.  Some of them we befriended during the boat trip over, including a family of Dutch Indonesian born. They were content to be just in a warmer place regardless of anything else!

I was just happy to look out of the bus window and more than curious what Australia and the sub-tropics were all about. I noticed first of all a kind of architectural chaos with many advertising hoardings and scrambles of signs vying for attention. This was (and still is) Parramatta Rd in full glory.

Being February and hot, I noticed after about ‘n hour’s drive or so, that the bus stopped and driver got out but we were staying put. It took some time and after lots of sweating that the driver got back in and we continued. It was well after arrival, a few days later, that we heard that the driver had got a ‘couple’ from the Locomotive Hotel at Homebush. I believe this pub is now a Pizza Franchise.

Nissan hut migrant camp.

Our arrival at Scheyville was surprising. My mother first thought that those Nissan Huts were for the push bikes. I was more circumspect as I noticed beds with mattresses and, when I opened a drawer it had crusts of bread in it.  The afternoon heat and the long drive did not lessen my or my brothers enthusiasm for exploring the surroundings. The camp was surrounded by water as heavy monsoonal rains had fallen nonstop the previous few days. In no time were our shoes muddy. My dad in his Dutch mind set could not accept at once the extraordinary changes overwhelming him. The mud on shoes was so foreign and frightening… It was all happening too fast and he could simply not absorb this slip in order and neatness. He gave us a good smack.

Me and my brothers took it all in our stride and had our youth to back up any strangeness. In fact, it was this foreignness that excited us most. Fancy, on the next day excursion finding trees with orange coloured fruit on them.  We climbed the fence and pinched some but they were unripe so we chucked them feeling like millionaires.

My parents had a job adjusting to the Nissan huts, the general squalor with meals eaten in communal areas on timber benches. The camp seemed to be managed by Australians but the workers such as cooks, cleaning and kitchen staff were refugees from Poland, Hungary and Russia. In those communal eating areas, huge steel tins of chunky melon and pineapple jam were on wooden tables with pre-sliced white bread. Plates were laden with steaming slices of lamb and rich gravy, endless supplies of peas and carrots. Second helpings as well.

Australia was the ‘promised ‘land” after all.

Cyrus Chapter 5, part 2

21 Friday Aug 2009

Posted by gerard oosterman in Cyrus the Great: Chronicles

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CYRUS

By

Theseustoo/Astyages

(Continued)

Cyrus was no more surprised at the gift of a hare, when one of Harpagus’ most trusted servants had presented him with it, It was a sharp, clear morning and a light, crisp, early frost crunched underfoot; announcing to the world that summer was over and autumn had begun. A perfect morning for the hunt, thought Harpagus, as he and a servant strode briskly across the plain in search of game; a bronze-tipped arrow already nocked on the bowstring and ready to shoot from his powerful Assyrian recurved bow.

Suddenly a huge hare broke the cover of the heather which had been hiding it until Harpagus and his servant had approached too close for comfort. The endangered animal had finally decided to risk swapping the rapidly-dwindling security of its hiding place for the speed of its hind legs as its means of survival. Bursting from the dense heather just a few paces in front of Harpagus, the terrified animal raced off across the hillside away from him and his servant as fast as its huge hind legs could propel it.

But fast though he was, there was to be no salvation for this hare; the instant the animal had broken cover Harpagus had smoothly but swiftly raised his bow, aimed, intuitively allowing for windage and the speed of the animal as it sped away from him, and let fly his unerring bronze-tipped arrow all in a single graceful, fluid motion which reflected constant practice and many years’ experience.

The missile swiftly found its mark and the unfortunate animal instantly jumped straight up into the air; then fell and, after a few reflex twitches of its huge hind legs, lay still; the arrow had pierced its heart. The servant had quickly followed Harpagus’ arrow and as he retrieved his master’s quarry, he held it up triumphantly by its huge hind legs, enthusiastically admiring the felled beast, “Look at the size of this one Lord! It will make a wonderful stew for our supper!”

Harpagus laughed briefly and said, “No… I’m sorry, my friend! This one is not for the pot! I have a special purpose for this hare. It is a present for Cyrus of Persia.”

As he was speaking, Harpagus took a small razor-sharp skinning-knife from his belt and cut open the rabbit’s paunch, but instead of gutting and skinning the animal he took a small roll of parchment from inside his tunic and inserted it under the animal’s skin. Then, taking a sewing needle and thread from a small wallet he kept inside his tunic, he very carefully sewed up the animal and then smoothed down its fur to hide the stitches. Satisfied that his handiwork was now invisible, he finally gave the animal back to his servant.

“Now…” Harpagus said to his slave in a very quiet voice, although there was no-one to be seen for miles around them on this heath-covered hillside, “You are my most trusted servant; this is a special message for Cyrus; you are to give him this hare and tell him that he must paunch the animal himself; but he is to make sure he is quite alone when he does so. Is that clear?”

“Yes Lord.” The slave replied as he took the animal from his master and instantly set off at a fast trot toward the King’s Highway, which would take him directly to Persepolis, the Persian capital.

***   *****   ***

During the ten years Cyrus had spent in Persia, he had grown to manhood. Handsome, tall and straight, he was well muscled with broad shoulders and strong arms, a narrow waist and powerful thighs and calves. His size, strength and courage, as well as his habitual fairness in all of his dealings with people, not to mention the wealth and nobility of his parents’ social position had all combined to make him the most popular and admired of all the Persian aristocracy.

Indeed, it was clear to everyone who knew him that Cyrus was a man who was evidently destined to wield a great deal of influence, no matter what he should choose to do with his life. But although his father, Cambyses, had tried more than once to persuade Cyrus against a military career, and to steer him into the family business which had made his own clan so wealthy and powerful, Cyrus found that he could not maintain any genuine enthusiasm for business; though he showed a natural talent in so many areas, all he really loved to do was ride and hunt. He found it difficult to choose any one particular business speciality; accountancy was too dry and commerce seemed dishonest to him; but as his twenty-first birthday rapidly approached he knew that he would have to decide very soon; his father, Cambyses, would expect him soon to choose a profession which would help his family’s business, the business which had managed to maintain and even to increase its wealth, in spite (although some people said because) of the tax demanded annually by Astyages.

***   *****   ***

than the guards at the station-posts along the road had been when the same servant had explained its purpose to them. It was common practice, not only among the Medes, but throughout all Asia, for servants to present their masters with just such a gift whenever they needed to ask permission for something; or when they planned to submit a lawsuit and hoped to persuade their lord to give their case a fair hearing. Such small gifts were not bribes however; but merely tokens of respect.

In any case, Cyrus had received gifts from Harpagus each and every year on his birthday and on the anniversary of what he thought of as a kind of ‘rebirth’; the day he’d finally discovered his true identity. Cyrus had heard the whole story of what had happened to Harpagus’ son, and had come to think of these gifts as tokens of Harpagus’ atonement. It seemed to Cyrus that instead of blaming Cyrus for his son’s grisly demise, as a lesser man might, Harpagus had seen events for what they were; and had recognized that the real cause of all his misfortunes was ultimately his own fault, in agreeing to do Astyages’ bidding in the first place; albeit through a third party. Now it seemed to Cyrus that he was trying very hard to do everything he could to atone for his grievous error.

Yet, as it happened, that third party had turned out to be Mitradates, who had then saved his life, so Cyrus knew that he also had much to thank Harpagus for; had it not been for Harpagus’ reluctance to deal with the infanticide himself, Cyrus would surely never have survived even his first night in this world. So this gift from Harpagus came as no surprise to him. But Cyrus was quite surprised however, when, as this servant of Harpagus presented him with the huge animal, he suddenly leaned forwards and whispered to him that he must paunch the beast himself rather than having the kitchen staff perform this messy chore; and that he was to make sure that he was quite alone when he did so.

Intrigued by the man’s secrecy, and most curious about its reason, Cyrus merely nodded silently and gave the servant a small purse of coins for his trouble, then he immediately took the hare to his private quarters where he cut it open to find the note which Harpagus had written to him. He read:

“Son of Cambyses, the gods assuredly watch over you, or never would you have passed through your many wonderful adventures. Now is the time when you may avenge yourself upon Astyages, your would-be murderer. Remember he ordered your death; you owe it to the gods and to me that you are still alive. I think you are not ignorant of what he did to you; nor of what I suffered at his hands because I gave you to the cowherd, and did not put you to death.

Listen to me now, and obey my words, and all the empire of Astyages shall be yours. Raise the standard of revolt in Persia, and then march straight on Media. Whether Astyages appoints me to command his forces against you, or whether he appoints any of the other princes of the Medes, all will go as you could wish. They will be the first to fall away from him and, joining your side, they will exert themselves to overturn his power. Be sure that on our part all is ready; so do your part, and do it speedily.”

Cyrus sipped thoughtfully at a goblet of wine as he deeply pondered the contents of the note. After a few minutes he took a small sheet of papyrus, a goose-quill pen and a small bottle of ink from a large chest at the foot of his bed; and began to write. When he had finished, he clapped his hands together loudly and a servant immediately appeared from the shadows with a polite bow.

“Call an Assembly of the Tribes! I want to speak to them immediately!” Cyrus ordered him urgently.

Without a word the servant bowed deeply and then quickly turned and left to obey his master’s command. It would take some time for the tribes to assemble; but if he sent riders to each of their territories immediately he could have them all here by the following morning.

***   *****   ***

Kassler Talk

21 Friday Aug 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Emmjay, Travels

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Turks 1; Vienna Mayors, Nil

Turks 1; Vienna Mayors, Nil

Vienna, a city of enormous beauty, efficient transport, delightful tucker (provided you’re taking statins for the cholesterol), of art, history, music and architecture to stun and amaze you.

And yet, we see on the other hand a history of the rise and fall of empire, deep intolerance and religious conflict.

The Empress Elisabeth took a shine to the Greeks, but maintained a traditional fear and loathing of the Turks – as I’m sure Atomou and Astyages are well aware.  OK, Waz et al too.

Well, let’s face it she and her old man Franz Joseph owned Greece for starters and there are monuments galore to the princes and other aristo-dudes who beat the Turks off in numerous sieges.  Interestingly, Siege I was a classic flop – oops started a bit too close to winter – and the climate beat the invader (come on classicists – Napoleon anyone, anyone ? Hitler, anyone, anyone ?  But Siege II saw a lot of support from neighbours who objected to the threat of the veil (veiled threat joke mercifully over early in the piece).  The mayor died in the conflict and scored a statue.  Fair enough – second prize to being left alive.  First prize was the Belvedere Palace (now the home of the major Klimts), but it went to a family member (call for a swab, Hung).

A Cool @ million Eurose for a Temple Reno

A Cool 2 million Eurose for a Temple Reno

So Elisabeth built a palazzo at Corfu (or perhaps the Greek equivalent of a palazzo), learnt the lingo and threw up a bit of a monument to our mate.  I hope you appreciate the dosh the Viennese are spending on giving it a facelift, chaps.  So – top marks for religious tolerance.

A Disturbing Mix of Pigs, Oppression and Religion

A Disturbing Mix of Pigs, Oppression and Religion

But I witnessed a rather nasty piece of contemporary inter-species conflict – clearly sanctioned by the Catholic church – or moreover the parish of St Stephens.  There was a huge protest about the exploitation of a species quite close to the hearts of the patrons of an eponymous watering hole in the Inner West of cyberspace.

Now, I know that it’s tempting to see this as a bit of digital mischief, but the truth is far more interesting – and a lot truer than digital mischief.

Your humble correspondent is clearly showing his displeasure in the forecourt of St Stephens here in the fair city of Vienna.

This was shortly before (I think the Polizei record says something about) an international incident and the simultaneous destruction of a van and a T-shirt.

Anyway, our correspondent is due out on bail soon and Merv’s brother Terry has added an international string to his legal defence bow – effectively doubling his criminal law expertise from only defending sheep duffers.

Saturday Tubbing and Migration

18 Tuesday Aug 2009

Posted by gerard oosterman in Gerard Oosterman

≈ 3 Comments

The tubbing started with the eldest and then worked itself down to the youngest, all in the same water.  The water had to be reasonably hot for it to last for the five of us. This meant that for the eldest brother Frank it would have been too hot which meant jumping around outside the tub and testing with toe till it was safe to go in without scalding. I was next, usually by then the water was getting perfect in temperature and I would linger as much as possible.Of course mother would not tolerate that as the next three still had to have their tubbing. Adrian, the youngest had the worst of worlds, a water temperature close to being cold and a layer of scum from the previous job lots. Not much use being the Benjamin here!

tubbing 2009

Whatever the history of Oosterman bathing, it is my opinion that the claim by the Van Dijks having their own bathroom in Aussie-land  was what finally decided my parents to go to the Australian Embassy to apply for Emigration to Australia.  There was going to be an information evening with film and questions and answers type of thing. The event was very nice, informative and the colour film was a knock over if not knock- out as well. The unforgettable freedom of the delivery of the newspaper, thrown from a driving car, all rolled up and smack bang in front of the occupier of a glorious sun kissed house under biscuit coloured roof tiled pergolas, who in morning coat and smiling broadly picked up the paper from front verdant lawn, with one hand and a wave to the deliverer of good tidings with the other hand. A friendly toot on the horn from the 1952 Holden in answer, made it all just perfect.

The house that received the thrown news-paper was bathing in Southern Hemispheric sunlight and a dazzling halo of white painted fence at the front almost replicated the toothy smile of the man in morning coat picking up the Sydney Morning Herald paper. The next bit of film was a slight repeat. This time it was the postman delivering the good tidings, leaping over similar white painted picket fences, friendly chat with a female house owner this time, before his next leap. I remember worrying a little about all this chucking and leaping. Was it a cultural habit in Australia to do things by driving, chucking and leaping so much?  Anyway, I decided to do as much practise jumping and running as possible, certainly wanted to make a good impression in case we would be accepted as possible immigrants.

The move to Australia was looked upon with some consternation by my school friends. Why Australia?  The opinion uttered by some of my parent’s friends was in the order, that they heard   “it is a boring country, no life,  ” everything is shut on Sunday”. “There are no cafes where you can get together for a glass of beer”.

Not very helpful comments, hardly made it any easier dealing with a permanent separation from all those friends and family members, uncles, aunties.  It installed some trepidation and up till this day, some fifty years later, I must admit there was more than a tinge of truth in what they were telling me at the time. I don’t think I will ever lose the memory of arriving in Australia’s Fremantle WA on a Sunday back in 1956.

To be continued.

A Shirthouse Experience

18 Tuesday Aug 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Emmjay, Travels

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Rest and Be Thankful Pub Wheddon Cross

Rest and Be Thankful Pub Wheddon Cross

I promised myself that in the interests of not being a total prat (secondary aspect: offending Jules unnecessarily – granted, sometimes it is necessary), I would not bag out the old dart.

Do you, dear reader know how  hard that restraint is ?  Well, let me say at the outset that our friends the Brits and Irish are doing a good job getting their act together.  Having said that,from the NSW perspective, the public utilities bar is not very high above terra firma.

But there’s still a fair modicum of dysfunctional plumbing in the accommodation (the places I can afford) – masquerading as “quaint”.  More surprising is the total absence of soap in the rooms.

I DO want to say how hospitable the natives have been towards we from the colons of the earth.  Sorry, typo.  The colonies.

And the internet is struggling to find its way through British Telecom, Orange, O2 and Vodaphone networks.  How does a casual rate of $20 a day with infuriatingly slow speed sound ?  So the slow speed means more time online – which kills the battery on this thing.  Hard to stay in touch.  Two villages in which I stayed had no mobile coverage and hence no wirelss intnernet either.

Forester's Arms, Dunster

Forester's Arms, Dunster

But they are beautiful to behold. Last night I had dinner in a time warp pub called the “Rest and Be Thankful” at Wheddon Cross in the middle of the Exmoor National Park.  And stayed at the Forester’s Arms in Dunster. After four or so pints of Guinness, the lack of soap in the room didn’t seem to matter all that much, but the increasing attrctiveness of the publican (who was drinking two for each of mine – that’s right six pints when I lost count) was alarming and so I retired to a night of many small trips to the celebrate the effectiveness of my kidneys.

So  what about the shirthouse experience ?

DSM PopShop

DSM PopShop

Well, the first mate is a fashionista and insisted that I wander down the Dover Street when through London I passed (near Green Square).  This is the stamping ground of Comme De Garcon, Anne Demuellemeister and others she adores.  I was instructed to have a look and see what stirred the soul enogh to lay waste to the credit card.  I found a truly fantastic T-shirt for $500, and a workable business shirt – also for $500.  I have to stress that they really were superb with luxurious fabrics and innnovative and interesting designs.  And how pissed off was I that they didn’t have XL sizes let alone XXL.

I was so miffed that I was relieved to get out of there with a tie  that cost the equivalent of thirty pints of Guinness.

Doing O’Way with Bad Habits

18 Tuesday Aug 2009

Posted by Mark in Mark, The Public Bar, The Sports Bar

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Father O'Way

Stimulated O'Way offering guidance

Stimulated O’Way offering guidance

The sun is shining. It’s a Beautiful Day by U2 plays in my head because it is, a beautiful day. Belinda has laid out the blanket, popped the Moet and is spreading my gluten free crackers with pate. The river is full of water and fish are jumping out and displaying themselves in their full magnificence only to fall back into the stream with a splash that leaves you wanting for more. Ah yes doesn’t get any better that this. Belinda places her hand on my thigh and I tingle with delight and to where this could lead [Stop, stop, cut, Warrigal here, look Sandy, when I was knee high to a grasshopper my father taught me to stay focused otherwise you will lose the audiences interest] [Groan, yes Waz, whatever you say]

In the distance I can hear a strange beeping noise, you know, like when a truck is reversing. It’s getting louder and louder.

I sit up. I’m in my room at the B&B. The clock tells me its 4 am. The phone is ringing. “Sandy, Bish here” How did I know it would be the Bish, “Hey Bish aren’t you on holidays?” I politely ask. “Yes Sandy but a Bishop is never off duty. Now get over to the Oval for the last test, we can’t lose this one. Now I want you to do a few things for me at the test if we need them done” Now there are millions of things that interest me more than some cricket game but as usual I never let the Bish know that, not his precious game of cricket, not of a bunch of grown men chasing a ball around a park for five days, “Now what may that be?” I ask with an air of obedient disinterest. “Look if we need you to  have to streak, slow the game down, so yeah, streak” Streak, you have got to fecking joking mate, it’s too cold here at the best of times, me peter will shrivel up and I be the laughing stock at the next heads of church meeting. “Streak Bish?”, “Yes and start a fight.” Oh for fuck sake, a fight, me a simple man of the cloth, a peacemaker, start a fight, “But Bish I’m a lover not a fighter” I bemoan. Probably end up in jail with some psychotic killer with a pension(sic) (no, really sic –  but funny !) for priest abuse. “Yes a fight” the Bish roars “Look its simple, tell the Barmy Army that the Aussie fans called Ian Botham a poofter and tell the Aussie fans that the English fans called Warnie a dickhead”. “But Warnie is a dickhead” I inform the Bish, “Yes I know but never let the truth get in the road of a good story. So streak then fight and if that fails ring the Emergency crew with a bomb hoax”

  1. Darkness envelops the room and casts a shadow over my heart. Oh for the riverbank with the beautiful Belinda, blest with beauty but challenged for brains, a picnic in the sun, sharing a novel and some fine wine, chatting about this and that “Sandy who was that on the phone, would you like a coffee and a cigarette” Belinda calls, well maybe and ain’t that bad being a priest after all, “Yes dear, strong and black”.

Cyrus, chapter 5,part 1

17 Monday Aug 2009

Posted by gerard oosterman in Cyrus the Great: Chronicles

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CYRUS By Theseustoo/Astyages (Continued) CHAPTER 5:

The Plot.

One by one; and silently; using the cover of the darkness provided by a new moon and the middle of the night; princes from five of the six tribes which comprised the Median nation slipped like shadows through the silent streets of Agbatana to the house of Harpagus, just outside the city walls. Each man among them was extremely careful to make sure they were neither seen nor followed by any of the king’s guards, who patrolled the streets and the city’s perimeter every night to ensure that crimes were kept to a minimum. They knew that if they were spotted they would certainly arouse the guards’ suspicions; anyone out and about at this late hour was breaking the curfew and could only be up to no good. If they should be caught, they knew that even their exalted status as princes among their own tribes would not save them. To be caught by the king’s guards would mean interrogation by Astyages’ expert torturers; and as soon as their sinister purpose was discovered, as it inevitably would be, they knew that they would most certainly be sentenced to a most cruel and painful death.

One by one the silent shadows slipped through the open back door of Harpagus’ house; usually this door was used only by servants or tradesmen. Harpagus had left it unbarred to avoid even the remote possibility that a knock on the door might be overheard by any of his servants. One by one the five Princes of the Busae, the Paretacenae, the Struchates, the Arizanti, and the Budii arrived. They were all appalled at the rapidly-increasing harshness of Astyages’ rule; for what had been done to Harpagus, almost ten years ago now, was far from the only atrocity the tyrant had committed on his subjects; merely one of the worst. Of the six tribes which comprised the nation of Media, only one tribe was not represented in this small and very select group; the Magi. As the king’s advisors and administrators they of all people must be kept ignorant of the plot. In warm but hushed tones, and with the shutters closed to hide the light of the single oil-lamp they used to find their way into the kitchen, Harpagus welcomed them, one by one, as they arrived. Their need for caution was still just as urgent, even inside Harpagus’ own household, because the spies of Astyages were everywhere; and although the servants had all retired for the night hours ago, they must be careful not to awaken them in case their clandestine conference should be discovered. If one of them should be a spy and inform the king, their coup would be finished even before it started. Once inside the kitchen, however, they could speak a little more freely as this part of the house was at the opposite end of the building from the servants’ sleeping quarters, although they still used only the one dim lamp and closed the shutters on the windows. When the last of the five princes had finally arrived, Harpagus addressed them in a voice which revealed the intensity of his passion, in spite of its quietness. “You all know why I have called this meeting: Our king, Astyages, has become a tyrant; his actions are so capricious and so abominable that they can no longer be tolerated.” Tabalus, the Prince of the Busae was the first to answer: “That is true, Harpagus; and we all know well enough what he’s done to you.

Indeed there is not a man here who has not suffered grievously at his hands.” Here the prince sighed heavily, “But we cannot hope to overthrow him by ourselves; any attempt at revolt would be seen even by our own people as treachery; motivated by our own ambitions… They would never support it!” Artaphernes, the Prince of the Paretacenae concurred: “The Prince of the Busae is right; our own people would never support such an act…” Hystaspes, the Prince of the Arizanti interrupted him, “Unless we can persuade them that we intend to put a legitimate successor on his throne…” Ah, now we’re getting somewhere, thought Artabazos, the Prince of the Struchates, quickly catching Hystaspes’ drift he realized that the people may easily be persuaded to support such a plan as this.

They all knew that apart from his only daughter Mandane, Astyages had only one other legitimate successor; his grandson in Persia, Cyrus. And, he thought, Cyrus was very popular among both the Persians and the Medes. However, he knew that the support of the people on its own was not quite enough. Pensively he added, “And even then we’ll need help from outside of Media; the king’s army alone is large enough to counter our opposition unless we find outside help!” But Harpagus had already anticipated these problems; in answer to Artabazos’ objections he smoothly interjected, “True; and that is precisely why I think we must enlist the aid of Cyrus of Persia, the son of Cambyses and Astyages’ daughter, Mandane… If we can persuade the Persians to revolt with Cyrus at their head, the tribes may be persuaded to follow our lead…” The tribal princes considered this for a few moments; it seemed like a sound enough proposition… Cyrus, after all, was Astyages’ own grandson and thus perfect for their plans; a legitimate and, equally importantly, a male heir… Almost certainly the armies of all the tribes would support this cause rather than risk any of Media’s individual tribes becoming too powerful and dominating the rest of them; especially as the alternatively involved the even more distasteful prospect of Media being ruled by a woman should Mandane ascend the throne after her father’s demise. A woman on the throne might be wooed and won; and along with her the throne, but the fates alone knew who might thus become their king… This was also, the princes all agreed, one more excellent reason for not merely accepting the status quo, for the king had no sons; and unless something happened to change the situation, they knew that Mandane would indeed inherit her father’s kingdom. It was unthinkable that a nation of warriors such as the Medes, should ever be ruled by a mere woman; a member of the weaker sex; such a blasphemy could only weaken the kingdom. Mazares, Prince of the Budii asked, “But will he support our cause? After all, Astyages is his own blood…” But Harpagus had been thinking about this for a long, long time. More than ten years had passed since Astyages had invited him to that macabre supper; and the thought of one day having his revenge had not left his mind for an instant during all that time. In response to Mazares’ question he said, “That is precisely why I have been cultivating Cyrus’ friendship by sending him gifts every year… on his birthday and also on the anniversary of the discovery of his true identity… Both dates will remind him that Astyages tried to have him killed. I am now confident that he sees me as a friend and an ally.

And Astyages has committed so many atrocities against so many people that he has long ago forgotten the evil he did to me and my family! The fool has just appointed me general of his army! Whether he chooses me or one of you as Commander in Chief, victory will fall to us like a ripe plum!” “Very well, Harpagus;” the Prince of the Struchates said softly, “But how can we get word of our plans to Cyrus? The king’s guards are at every staging post along the road; and their suspicions would surely be aroused if one of us were to try to contact him!” “Aye!” Echoed the Prince of the Arizanti, “We must keep it to ourselves; it must remain absolutely secret until the trap is ready to spring… we dare not risk being discovered…” “You need not concern yourself on that account,” the cunning Harpagus reassured them instantly, “I have planned for that also…” *** ***** ***

Cyrus. Chapter 4.

14 Friday Aug 2009

Posted by gerard oosterman in Cyrus the Great: Chronicles

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CYRUS

By

Theseustoo

As the guest of honour at the king’s banquet, Harpagus seated himself in the traditional position of honour at the king’s right hand, as many acrobats, jugglers, musicians and dancers competed with each other to entertain the king and his guests. The king’s own cup-bearer stood behind them and beside his normal duties kept Harpagus’ wine-cup filled as he enjoyed the spectacle which unfolded before his eyes, which were bedazzled by the brightness and colours of the gaudy costumes of the entertainers who had been hired to provide the evening’s entertainment. And all the while, many and various delicious aromas arose from the palace kitchens to tantalize the king’s guests; making their mouths water in anticipation as they watched the entertainment and chatted quietly amongst themselves.

Presently a line of a dozen servants trouped in, carrying large platters on which were laid all kinds of meats and other delicacies, which they placed on the tables in front of the guests, who then helped themselves to the feast that had been laid before them. Harpagus’ curiosity was piqued when he noticed a curious anomaly in the evening’s proceedings however; usually, the king’s table was served first; but for this evening’s feast the king’s table was left unserved until after everyone else had been served.

He could not help but wonder what this novelty meant; perhaps, he thought, it was some peculiar new protocol the king’s master of ceremonies had dreamed up to honour the king and his guest on this very special occasion. Serving the least important guests first and leaving the king and his guest of honour to be served last, emphasized, he could only suppose, the role of the king and his guest as the provider of and the reason for the feast.

Harpagus ignored the anomaly, however, as having no consequence. Indeed, he probably wouldn’t have noticed it at all; but he had not eaten anything since midday and his stomach was beginning to growl. He looked at the king, but the king acted as if nothing at all was out of the ordinary; so Harpagus could only pin his faith that he would soon be fed on his status as the king’s guest of honour. Finally, when all the other tables had been served, the kitchen servants laid several large silver platters in front of Astyages.

“Harpagus!” the king said, helping himself to several slices of meat from one of the platters in front of him as he smiled broadly at the minister, “I’m so glad you could join us this evening; I have a very special treat for you; I do hope you are hungry?”

“That I am sire!” Harpagus answered enthusiastically as the king clapped his hands together. Immediately servants brought in more silver platters, from which arose the most delectable and tantalising aromas yet, and placed them on the table in front of Harpagus.

“Excellent!” the king replied jovially, “These dishes have been specially prepared for you alone; please eat your fill… Whatever you cannot eat tonight you may take home with you…”

“Your majesty is most generous…” Harpagus said as he helped himself to the delicacies on the platters which had been laid in front of him.

“Not at all…” the king said graciously, “it’s the least I could do!”

Harpagus set to with a will, politeness dictating that he demonstrate his gratitude for the king’s generosity by his evident enjoyment. Though he could not possibly manage to finish all of the dishes that were set in front of him, at least, he thought to himself, he would manage to sample them all; thus the king would not feel slighted by any omission. After all, thought Harpagus, Astyages had quite evidently gone to considerable trouble to have all these recipes prepared for him alone; sampling them all was the least he could do.

Finally he could eat no more; he pushed the platter away from him, wiped his mouth on his sleeve and burped loudly in evident satisfaction to demonstrate his pleasure.

Hearing this, Astyages turned to him and enquired jovially, “Harpagus, did you enjoy your meal?”

“Indeed sire!” Harpagus exclaimed enthusiastically, “Such delicious spices; and such tender meat! I really can’t say which dish I enjoyed the most!”

Once again Astyages clapped his hands together and a slave brought in a large covered basket, which he placed on the table in front of Harpagus.

“This basket is also for you.” Astyages said, nodding to the servant, who raised the lid to reveal the basket’s contents. Inside were the severed head, hands and feet of Harpagus’ only son. Harpagus was shocked to the core as he instantly realised what this meant. Yet in spite of his shock, somehow he managed to maintain his composure as Astyages coolly asked him, “Do you know what kind of meat it is that you have been enjoying so much?”

“I do Lord…” Harpagus replied with some difficulty, as he struggled to keep down both his fast-rising anger and the contents of his stomach, “Whatever your majesty does is agreeable to me…”

Since ancient times the law said that the king can do no wrong. As the king’s servant, Harpagus knew better than to allow himself to lose control of his feelings; to do so would be to invite a spear through the heart from one of the guards who adorned the Great Hall at regular intervals. He must act as if this were a feast like any other. He collected together whatever scraps of meat still remained on the table and put them into the basket, which he then took up and, with a silent but deeply respectful farewell bow to the king, he left the feasting and the revelries to return home to bury what little now remained of his son, wondering desperately how he was going to explain this latest turn of events to his wife.

***   *****   ***

Early the next morning Astyages summoned his advisors to his throne-room to hear their opinion on this unexpected reversal of his plans. After explaining how he had discovered that his grandson was still alive, he asked the Magi if they thought he was still in any danger from the youth. The three Magi conferred among themselves for several minutes, until eventually Astyages impatiently interrupted their discussions, “Well, what do you make of it?” he demanded.

The Magister stepped forward and with a rather nervous smile, which he hoped looked reassuring rather than sickly, he hesitantly replied, “Majesty, if the boy survives, and has already ruled as a king without any craft or contrivance then you may cheer up… You need feel no more alarm on his account. He will not reign a second time. We have found that even oracles are sometimes fulfilled in an unimportant way; and dreams, even more often, may have wondrously mean accomplishments.”

“That is what I too, am most inclined to think…” Astyages said slowly, “The boy, having already been king, the dream is out, and I have nothing more to fear from him. But take good heed and give me the best counsel you can for the safety of my house… and also for your own interests.”

“Truly,” the Magister began reassuringly, “it is very much in our interests that your kingdom should be most firmly established for if it went to this boy it would pass into foreign hands, since he is a Persian. Then we Medes would lose our freedom and be quite despised by the Persians. But as our fellow-countryman, so long as you are on the throne all manner of honours are ours; we even have some share in the government. So we have every reason to forecast well for you and your sovereignty. If we saw any present cause for fear, you may be sure we would tell you. But truly we are persuaded that the dream has been accomplished in this harmless way; we recommend you to banish your fears. As for the boy, our advice is that you send him to Persia, to be with his father and mother.”

“Very well…” Astyages said. Then, turning to his guards at the door, he said, “Guards! Bring in the boy.”

The guards brought in ‘Ambares’, who had been waiting in the ante-chamber until the king decided what to do with him. In an unusually gentle voice, Astyages now addressed the still-astonished young boy, “My child, I was led to do you wrong by a dream which has come to nothing: from that wrong you were saved by your own good fortune. Go now to Persia; I will provide your escort. When you get to your journey’s end, you will find your real father and mother.”

***   *****   ***

(To be continued)

Traditional Leed’s piss-up!

13 Thursday Aug 2009

Posted by gerard oosterman in The Public Bar

≈ Leave a comment

Leeds Pub ( Duck and Drake?)

Traditional Piss up.

Perhaps those gloomy faces on the subway are only a sign of the looming day’s struggle ahead, to try and make the best of it, to overcome and conquer daily battle, to steel oneself against adversity. In any case, it explains the typical urge by the English, if all else fails to go for the ‘piss up’. The ‘piss up’ is the relief valve for the English what the mistress is for the French or the ‘tavola en casa’ is for the Italians.  Leeds has a famous Cricket ground and a Fish and Chips shop that, according to the locals is not to be missed, ever!   I am  ignorant of the game of Cricket and I must have insulted my hosts of not showing due interest in wanting to see their famous Cricket ground. I made up though by shouting them to a nosh-up of Fish and Chips from their world famous Leeds shop. Indeed, at the arrival there was already a formidable queue of keen Fish & Chips addicts.

It was a Saturday night and Leeds was loaded with expectations. When it was our turn, we ordered the Fish and Chips and duly collected the butcher papered steaming parcels and drove past the famous Cricket grounds. I murmured admiration and mentioned the names of a few Australian cricketers. That seemed to have satisfied my hosts and as soon as the fish and chips were consumed, the husband suggested we now go for a Saturday night ‘piss up’ at the local.  Unfortunately I have forgotten its name. Could it have been the ‘Bricklayers Arms’ or was it the ‘Duck and Drake’?

In any case after arriving, we got a beer and the evening started at a gentle pace, no sign of anything outrageous. The pub started filling with more and more people and I noticed the same habit of drinking as in Australia. For the most part, people stood up instead of being seated and drank fast and as the evening progressed the level of noise became louder. It was almost as if the evening was going to run out before one could get all words or ideas off one’s chest. The drinkers were mainly men but a few women as well. The girls for the most part would be sitting down and the drinking was a little less hectic or hurried. The host that had invited me had become embroiled in a discussion about how tough married life was and his drinking friends could be seen to nod and agree in an almost vehement fashion.

The third beer was now being consumed and things were well on the way. I was still on my first but thought it wise to show good manners and shouted the little group beer number four. The conversation was now almost impossible to follow unless one was within about thirty centimetres of the mouth of the speaker which most drinkers were doing. The din was now becoming overwhelming and I decided to gentle break loose from the group to sit down and observe this ‘piss up’ cultural phenomenon.

The man pulling the beer was now starting to become more alert in case of trouble and saw him cautioning a few young drinkers who were trying to crack on to some of the girls. I would have thought that the girls were there to be cracked upon but apparently the blokes were already known by them and perhaps a little déjà vu for the evening.  The make-up was rather heavy with thick mascara and lots of blush hiding valiantly an age more advanced than at first glance.

The ‘piss up’ was now gathering pace and caution by my host seemed to have gone to the wind. He was now in full stride with his tirade against the evils of being tied down in a marriage with a woman who did not understand him; neither did the wives in his entourage of men friends. They now started looking at the girls with the mascara and exchanged meaningful if somewhat cross eyed glances and smiles bordering on licentiousness, if a smile after 8 beers can be called by that word. The girls, who had drunk a couple of gin and tonics, were suitably impressed and responded by smiles and coyly cackling to each other.

https://i0.wp.com/www.freefunnypixs.com/images/media/11/drunk_people_6.jpg

The whole pub had now taken on a din of such proportions that nothing could be heard or made sense off. The ‘piss up’ was now at its zenith and our group had now become pissed, totally drunk. My host and friends had all sunk on their knees and proceeded to waddle towards the girls that were still seated on the other side of the bar; they all broke out in laughter with mascara running and the pink blush blooming bright red now. It was time for men to confess and conquer. The seduction of a woman with alcohol fuelled lust was coming to the fore and with thick tongue and  tear stained face, the host on his knees was confessing how the wife did not really, really understand him. The matrimony was lagging and the conjugal promise had faded, he wanted to just have someone understanding.

The next thing he was holding her hand and asking her for forgiveness.  My host, full of fish and chips with ten schooners of beer was almost catatonic. The girls were now hooting with mirth, the evening was exactly as they had hoped and for another gin and tonic, the men were asked to sit around and join.

However, the peak had passed and the alcohol in the men was now churning their stomachs a little.  The Fish & Chips were out for revenge. The queue to the toilets was growing and many now were seen to go and splash their boots outside. Our friend started to look decidedly seedy and he mumbled something of having to go for cheddar. I asked what cheddar meant. The girls did a good imitation of puking.  All seduction plans were off and he had also lost his keys now to get back in. This did not look good as I had my luggage at his place and intended to sleep there before catching the train back to London in the morning. He was now well beyond hope of recovery before heading back to his place and I could envisage a tricky situation trying to get back inside. I searched his pockets but no car or house keys. Was the zenith turning into its nadir?

The car was parked not far so I decided to go and see if the keys were there. They were. It took another ten minutes to drag him to the car and I took over the drive home with also giving a lift to one of the girls who lived near him. She fortunately was sober enough to guide me and as we got to the host’s place she even helped me drag him to the door. The wife was there but with a smile, she told me that this was his Saturday night outing and she knew the routine. The girl blinked at the wife and me and walked the rest of the distance back to her place. Next morning we got up and the husband was somewhat grumpy, but the wife was kind and full of understanding.

It was just a ‘piss up’, she said!

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