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Monthly Archives: October 2009

Cyrus Chapter 10 – A Spartan Alliance

22 Thursday Oct 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Cyrus the Great: Chronicles

≈ 18 Comments

Taygetos Mountains with contemporary Spartan ruins

Taygetos Mountains with contemporary Spartan ruins

By Theseustoo

The Council of the Areopagus was the most important decision-making body in Lacedaemonia; it had convened a special meeting to hear Croesus’ messenger. The council chamber was an enormous, circular building, inside of which circular benches, currently full of curious Spartan councillors, arose in concentric tiers around the small, central, speakers’ floor. As he entered the council chamber, the herald could not help but notice a huge bronze vase which stood off to one side just inside the chamber’s entrance.

As he walked by it, the vase towered more than two cubits over his head. He briefly wondered how the metal-workers had managed to cast such a huge item. But, if the size of the vase impressed him, its craftsmanship was superb; with its highly polished outer rim exquisitely decorated with various kinds of animals; all embossed in remarkably lifelike poses.

He regretted that he had no time to examine the huge vase more closely, however, as he was immediately obliged to take the speakers’ floor; a rather small space occupying the centre and lowest level of the chamber; and announce his master’s purpose. The circular shape of the hall and the manner in which the banks of seats rose in circular tiers under a domed roof around this spot, on which the herald now stood, had all been cunningly designed to echo and amplify his voice. Even a voice speaking in normal tones would be carried easily even to the very uppermost bank of seats right at the back of the circular building, next to the outer wall. The herald cleared his throat in what he hoped was a professional manner and then spoke,

“Croesus, king of Lydia and of several other nations, has sent us to speak to you thus…” he began formally, to ritually distance himself from the actual contents of his message, and then gave his message verbatim:

“‘Oh Lacedaemonians, the god has bidden me to make the Greek my friend; I therefore apply to you, in obedience to the oracle, knowing that you hold the first rank in Greece, and desire to become your friend and ally in all true faith and honesty…’” But just as he was about to ask for the help Croesus had sent him to request, the Archon interrupted him gently; like a true friend, saving him the humiliation of having to ask for help by offering it freely.

“Put yourself at ease, herald; for you are among friends.”

The Archon stepped forward and, warmly embracing him, welcomed the Lydian almost as if he were the bearer of valuable gifts, rather than a suppliant sent by a besieged king to beg for help. But Croesus had prepared his ground well, the herald realised, as the Archon continued,

“Well do we remember Croesus’ great kindness to us; and his generosity in supplying us with the gold we needed for the statue of Apollo which even now stands in his temple at Thornax in Laconia.”

The herald was, of course, well aware of this gift and had even planned to remind the Lacedaemonians of it, if they should seem the least bit reluctant to honour the treaty on which they had already agreed. As this was now apparently quite unnecessary; since the Archon had himself chosen to demonstrate Sparta’s gratitude by mentioning it himself; with equal grace the herald simply bowed his acceptance of the Archon’s implicit thanks, as the latter continued,

“And as you have chosen to request our aid before that of all the other Greeks, we are happy to swear oaths of fidelity to your master Croesus, whom we have long admired. We have already heard about the oracle’s reply to his inquiry concerning the duration of his kingdom; and of his need for an ally, so we have been looking forward to your visit. Since everything appears to be favourable and Croesus himself is evidently favoured by the gods, Lydia can count on help from Lacedaemonia.”

Bronze Krater of Vix

Bronze Krater of Vix

At this point the Archon gestured to indicate the huge vase beside the chamber’s entrance and said, “See here this huge vase of bronze, decorated with figures of animals all round the outside of the rim, and large enough to contain three hundred amphorae, which we commissioned as a gift for King Croesus to commemorate our alliance. As you request, the Lacedaemonian army will join Croesus in Sardis in the spring.”

“Many thanks, my Lord Archon!” replied the herald, with immense gratitude and equal relief; shaking the Archon’s right hand with both of his own, thanking him profusely, as he said, “I will inform Croesus of your reply.”

With these words, the grateful herald turned and left the council chamber to return as swiftly as possible to his master in Sardis. Help would surely follow within a day or two; if not with the ebb tide following the one he calculated he could still just catch if he hurried…

***   *****   ***

More Space, But Surprisingly Less Lee O’Way

19 Monday Oct 2009

Posted by Mark in Mark

≈ 57 Comments

Tags

Father O'Way

Look, I'm having trouble suspendering belief too .... just go with me.....

Look, I’m having trouble suspendering belief too …. just go with me…..

Midgetall Dischief by Warrigal

I’ve just been reunited with the best dog in the world, no, the best dog in the universe and have returned to the manor to find Helvi waiting for us in the sitting room. “Helvi, wow, fantastic, how did you get here?” I ask. “Good afternoon you two cuties. I’m Helvi-tastic Model A1” replies Helvi! Helvi is a droid? Does Gez know? My mind is racing. “Oh Helvi, so you are a droid?” asks Belinda. “Yes Belinda. Gordon got my creator to make me in the likeness of Helvi as part of the SNAP program. I’m your SNAP Coordinator.” Bloody acronyms, I hate bloody acronyms. “SNAP Helvi?” I ask stupidly “Model A1?” “Yes Sandy, SNAP stands for Space Normalisation Adaptation Process. I will help you settle into village life. And yes my creator wouldn’t make any more models as it’s impossible to improve on perfection” Helvi informs us.

“Now lets get you two dressed” says the Helvi-tastic as she marches off into the bedroom. Helvi opens the wardrobe and there are a small amount of clothes hanging up and some drawers. “Now strip off Sandy” instructs Helvi. “But Helvi I hardly know you” I gush as I feel my cheeks going red. “Now Sandy, I’m a woman of the world and seeing you naked is not going to overload my circuits.” With that, Belinda and Helvi break into laughter. I disrobe and remove my slippers. “Hmmm, not bad Belinda, but such a small thing” jokes Helvi as she opens a drawer and throws me a pair of jocks. “Here, put these on.” I pull on the jocks and within a few seconds, they adjust to fit me perfectly. In fact these are the most comfortable jocks I’ve ever had. Before I even get to ask Helvi pipes in “All of the clothing here is self adjustable. G. King makes them. Nanobots adjust everything to suit your shape and size. They will also adjust the clothing based on temperature and other data they receive from the central computer.” “Catherine?” I bemoan, “The control freak of a computer that walks around the ship as a cat. I hate cats”. Suddenly my jocks tighten and my goolies are being crushed. The pain is immense and I drop to the ground. “Catherine, let Sandy’s nuts go” says Helvi. “Catherine, let him go please. Remember in the next few chapters he learns about programming” Helvi states calmly. The jocks loosen up and go back to normal. Better be careful for the next few chapters it would seem.

Helvi tosses me some pants, a shirt and a light jacket. I put them on and the same thing happens. The clothes adjust to fit me perfectly and I feel very comfortable. Socks and shoes, all the same, wow, this G King must be some sort of genius.  “So now Sandy, why don’t you go over to the pub for a few pints while I make this charming young princess of yours ever more beautiful then she already is” Helvi says. Darn just when we were getting to the good bit, but Helvi-tastic was right, she is perfect, a woman telling you to go and have a few ales, perfect all right.

Cyrus Chapter 9: The Only True Oracles

19 Monday Oct 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Cyrus the Great: Chronicles

≈ 20 Comments

Couldn't find a picture of Sandanis.  Carols Santana instead.  Hope this helps.

Couldn't find a picture of Sandanis. Carols Santana instead. Hope this helps.

By Theseustoo

The king’s lightened mood had done the empire a lot of good, thought Sandanis, as he watched his master reading out the latest news from the oracle at Delphi. Feeling his empire threatened, Croesus immediately returned to work and, most energetically, he had quickly cleared up the huge backlog of official papers that were waiting to be signed and sealed; mostly referring to national projects, both military and civil, which could now go ahead, that had either stalled or been suspended while Croesus had wallowed in his grief.

But as he looked at Croesus now and saw the joy on his face as he burst triumphantly into the War Room, victoriously brandishing a pair of papyrus scrolls, Sandanis thought the melancholy Croesus of the past two years might have been a different man altogether.

“Well gentlemen?” the king began joyfully, unrolling one of the two scrolls, “What do you think of these latest oracles from Delphi? Listen to this,”

He began to read aloud from the scroll in a manner that clearly conveyed the evident amusement he felt about its contents; his voice was light-hearted and his manner droll as he read: “Wait till the time shall come when a mule is monarch of Media; Then, thou delicate Lydian, away to the pebbles of Hermus; Haste, oh! Haste thee away, nor blush to behave like a coward.”

Silently he waited for his officers’ reactions.

“Its mood certainly seems lighthearted your majesty…”  Sandanis responded cautiously, trying hard to share the king’s enthusiasm as he gave the monarch the benefit of his thoughts as they came to him:

“It describes your defeat, Majesty, but this can only be in jest, since it says it won’t happen until ‘a mule is monarch of Media’…” He laughed as the ridiculous image of a mule, braying loudly while seated on a throne and wearing a crown between its long ears, popped into his head, “That’s certainly an improbable event Sire; surely it can only mean that your kingdom will last forever?”

As he spoke he couldn’t help but be amazed at the extent to which the king’s mood had changed. Sandanis felt that there must surely be something more to this transformation than any natural good fortune. Surely, he thought, there must be something supernatural guiding Croesus, not only in this wonderful change in his mood and general demeanour, but also in the discovery of the only real oracles in the entire world.

“I agree your Majesty,” one the officers present chipped in, offering his support, “A mule is hardly likely ever to be made King of Media; what else could it mean but that your kingdom will last forever?”

“My own thoughts exactly!” Croesus crowed triumphantly, unable to disguise his enthusiasm, “And on top of this, as a result of the gift of two gold staters apiece that I gave to the people of Delphi, the Pythoness now grants us the right to precedence in our consultations, as well as the right to the most honourable seats at the festivals, exemption from all charges, and the perpetual right of becoming at our pleasure citizens of their town.”

The bestowing of such honours by the Pythoness, even on such a powerful king as Croesus, Sandanis knew, was unprecedented. But their meaning was rendered even more profound by the circumstances under which they were given.

Because their king had successfully discovered the only genuine oracles, Croesus’ generals all anticipated such great advantages that they agreed that it could only indicate the favour, if not the intervention of the gods themselves. And this in turn could only mean that the gods had quite evidently chosen Croesus of Lydia for their own special purpose.

Croesus had held a reputation as a holy man for a long time already; as both king and high priest, he had faithfully and diligently observed all the rituals which his exalted social position constantly demanded of him. Even in his grief, he had always given the gods their due; and was always more than generous in his frequent sacrifices and donations to all the temples, not just here in Lydia, but also everywhere he had contacts and did business. But was he really the Son of Heaven, Sandanis wondered to himself, as some of the lower ranks were already suggesting?

This was one question that Sandanis felt quite unqualified to answer; he distrusted such prophecies about the return to the world of ancient heroes, seeing in them little more than a salve for the hurt pride of the defeated. Yet he was also sure that if ever any mortal man could be said to deserve such an exalted title as ‘The Son of Heaven’, then it was Croesus. His king was generally regarded by all who knew him as a truly wise and holy man; and in the light of all these recent events, not only the king’s discovery of the only true oracles, but most particularly, the Pythoness’ reaction to that fact, it seemed to him as if even such an exalted title as this was indeed entirely warranted. Now Sandanis looked at Croesus with a new regard for him which closely approached awe, as he said, “Wonderful your majesty!” applauding these tangible results of his king’s wisdom enthusiastically, adding, “What better omen could we have been given than such friendship from the Pythoness herself? Now we must start to look for an ally among the strongest of the Greeks.”

“Indeed!” Croesus replied, “With omens like these I think we may start at once! Prepare your armies for an immediate assault on Persia’s tributaries in Cappadocia. Now Sandanis, which of the Greek states would you say is currently the most powerful?”

“Well, there’s Athens;” Sandanis replied doubtfully, “but they are experiencing severe difficulties under the tyranny of Pisistratos; Athens is presently divided into three factions; they are unlikely to be able to help.” After another moment’s thought, he said, “Currently the Lacedaemonians are by far the strongest of the Greek states.”

Croesus had already proven himself to be not only a great warrior and an irresistible conqueror, but also a wise and benevolent ruler; even to his subject states. This in turn had won him much support and loyalty even from the subject states of his empire; including the Greek states of Aeolia and Ionia. His reputation for wisdom had earned him not only much respect; it had even earned Croesus much wealth in the form of tribute and countless other gifts of rarities and treasures from all of his neighbouring states, whose rulers invariably admired his great wisdom and sought to ensure his continued goodwill towards them. Son of Heaven or not, it doesn’t matter, Sandanis decided; Croesus was a good master and a great king; he would follow Croesus to the very end; whatever that end might be.

“Very well, Sandanis,” Croesus said in determined tones, “We must persuade Lacedaemonia to help us! Scribe! Take down this message…”

***   *****   ***

Warrigal’s Magic is Amazing.

18 Sunday Oct 2009

Posted by gerard oosterman in The Public Bar

≈ 31 Comments

While most of you are still deeply immersed in working out how wombats can produce square nuggets out of round bum holes, lend me your ears for what Warrigal of Fraser Island are capable of. Some decades ago, when everyone was still so young and adventurous, my brother and I with my 10 year son and his twinned similar aged sons decided to go to Fraser Island. My brother had been before and many times afterwards and while camping on the South coast, he would regale stories of phenomenal fishing expeditions, straight from the beach, he would always add, spreading his arms wide to indicate the sizes of fish. Fraser Island is to fishermen what Paris is to fashionistas.

I am not so keen on beaches and loath sitting in blinding sun surrounded by loose sand, am much more content in caves or under rocks with shade soaking up all light. Anyway, I succumbed and decided to visit Fraser Island with my brother and three sons. The Land rover was packed with an electric/gas/battery fridge and a nice frozen lamb curry. From bitter experience I had learnt not to venture away from inner cities and risk starvation or/and food poisoning. We had also packed tents, fishing rods and even a metal chain to haul in the ‘big one’.

During those South Coast camping trips, the fish always got bigger and the empty casks of Coolabah next morning outside the tents witness to more fishing stories than the whole of Iceland. We left Sydney during summer and drove to Tin Can Bay in Queensland where we took the ferry across to Fraser. It was sunny indeed and we set up camp somewhere on the beach near the dunes. Next morning we unpacked our fold out canvas camping chairs, oiled our fishing rods and spools, tied hooks and bait and threw in the lines on the edge of the sea.

Fraser Island is supposed to be the largest sand island in the world or Southern Hemisphere. Wherever we travel to, something is always the largest or biggest or best, isn’t it? The largest sand island did not appeal so much to me, and I was vindicated when I noticed enormous flies landing unnoticed on my legs and arms. Those flies had some kind of helicopter way of landing whereby you would only become aware after the biting and sucking. I asked another fisherman and was told they were horse flies. I then thought to wade into the sea hoping for relief from those large fly horses.

Please, all come now a little closer to your screen

Those flies stayed on the landed area of my body under water. Their grip was so strong, no wave would dislodge them. I lost all interest in fishing and life. Deeply depressed I went back and remained seated in my canvas chair whacking the flies after landing but before biting, they would end up dead or struggling around me on the sand. In no time an army of large ants came and started eating the carcasses which gave some satisfaction.

When I got back to the tent my toasted muesli had been broken into and trails of it lead back into the dunes. A warrigal had been and broken the packet before dragging it with him (or her) back to the rest of the family. I had heard that the Fraser Island dingo was still fairly pure and had not interbred with other dogs. I did not mind my muesli getting pinched; after all it is their territory. No fish was caught that day nor on any of the following days. My brother was deeply worried and could not understand it. The second last day he buried the rest of the bait in the sand near the high tide mark.

The next day I got up early, well before those fly horses, and noticed a straight trail of dingo prints from the dunes right up to where the bait had been buried. A neat little hole had been dug and the bait was gone.

So, the dingo made his way to the bait in a straight line. No dithering or sniffing left or right, zig zagging. Now, he either did this by having observed us burying it the previous day, or, their olfactory sense is so acute, even way back in the dunes, that no diversions needed to be made. He followed his nose in a line which was the shortest possible route. Still, I am amazed..

Was it you Warrigal?

Major Tom; O’Way Laps the Dark Side of the Moon

15 Thursday Oct 2009

Posted by Mark in Mark

≈ 106 Comments

Tags

Father O'Way

Tiring of Georges bland attentions, Helvibot had Gordon knock up something more homey so she could have some company and conversation on her tea break

Tiring of Georges bland attentions, Helvibot had Gordon knock up something more homey so she could have some company and conversation on her tea break

Digital Lunacy by Warrigal

So here we are in the control room of a spaceship called the SHITS 38B, B being for Biosphere. We have just whizzed round the moon at a million miles per hour and are heading back to an orbit near Earth so Gordon can teleport back to the surface. “Anyway” says Gordon, “Lets go and get you two dressed” nodding in the direction of Belinda and me. Having been so preoccupied with everything that’s been happening I glance down to see that I’m still in my bathrobe and slippers. I glimpse at Belinda and she is the same. As I turn to leave the cabin on a mat on the floor is a blue heeler. It can’t be. Zeb, the greatest dog of all time, yes, its Zeberdee. I race over too him. He sits obediently and puts up his paw just as he always does. “Gordon, how did you get Zeb here?” I ask ecstatically. “Sorry Sandy, it’s a droid made in Zeberdee’s likeness. The Fa…, oops Henry, uses this form when he needs to move around the ship.” But Zeb, I loved him, he was just the greatest, liked to wrestle and was the best cover fielder we ever had. “He can come with you as Zeberdee if you want, Henry doesn’t go out much” Gordon says, “Oh yes please, c’mon Zeb, you’re with us,” I announce with great affection.

With Zeb in close proximity, we head back to the manor to get some clothes on. As we walk along, I raise a tricky issue with Gordon. “Gordon” I pose “If the universe is in a box at the back of the science lab, it must be a pretty big box?” “Well no Sandy’ Gordon replies, “It’s actually quite small. You remember when you were six and your parents brought you those Hush Puppies?” Yes, I do remember, my first pair of Hush Puppies. I kept the box in the bottom of my wardrobe with all my favourite cricket cards. “Well it’s about that big,” Gordon reveals. I’m shocked, I mean that’s small, incredibly small. “So” I press unsure as to if I want the answer “How do you fit in the box?” Gordon starts looking a little bit agitated “Okay, okay, look Sandy, it’s beer o’clock and I need to get back to Earth for a few lagers. But look, I get schnitzelised. You pass thru a schnitzeliser as a 1.84 metre Meupian and then through the box as an object about the size of a sub atomic particle.” I knew I wouldn’t like the answer but being the idiot that I am I press on “Schnitzeliser?” “Yes” replies Gordon “A schnitzeliser, designed by our university professor T.D. Schnitzel”. Being unable to help myself at this stage, I ask, “So what does T.D. stand for?” “Ten Dollar” Gordon informs “So along with Chips and Salad they invented the schnitzeliser”. I can’t resist anymore “You mean Professor Chips and Professor Salad?” I ask waiting for a canning “Yes” says Gordon “How did you know that? By jove Sandy you are a dark horse.”

The rest of the trip is in silence as Belinda and I with the ever-faithful Zeb, ponder the universe existing in a shoebox in the back of the science lab and a machine that transmits people invented by Ten Dollar Schnitzel with Chips and Salad. Boy, some things about space just never cease to amaze me. Gordon stops and says “Well I’m off, see you when you get back”. He sticks his finger in his mouth and disappears. What the f…?

Dazed, we cross the village green, across the cricket pitch and enter the manor. George comes out to greet us. “Sir, Miss Belinda, you have a visitor”. No sorry, not possible, who could possibly visit us here. “In the sitting room” gestures George. Belinda and I enter the room, “Helvi!” Belinda cries, “Helvi, Helvi, Helvi” she shrieks.

The Ghost of Ruddocks Past

14 Wednesday Oct 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Politics in the Pig's Arms

≈ 13 Comments

Please forgive me – I can’t help myself……  Another First Dog Cartoon from Crikey.  Subscribe, if you can.

First Dog Ruddock

Hell Hospital (episode 1)

13 Tuesday Oct 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Hell Hospital

≈ 35 Comments

Cheerful Shot of St Helvi's

Cheerful Shot of St Helvi's

by Theseustoo.

Episode 1

(Disclaimer: this series of stories is completely fictional and none of the persons, places or institutions in these stories are real, but figments of my own imagination. Any similarity to any real person, place or institution is entirely coincidental.)

St Helvi’s was the largest hospital in the South Ozzie city of Madeleine. Consequently, it was the busiest hospital in the city and this was its good fortune because large enough numbers of patients passing through the doors made it easy for the hospital administrators to convince their insurers that their medical staff were not actually incompetent and that the hospital’s fatality statistics were only marginally above the statistical norm, and, it was often argued, because it was, after all, a public hospital, St Helvi’s was obliged to take patients the private hospitals could afford to reject… such as those who looked like they had less than a fifty-fifty chance of making it through the night, so the statistics were falsely skewed. Whatever the truth of these claims, they could not prevent the local populace from endowing their local hospital with the nickname, “Hell Hospital”, as the newspapers had reported again only this morning.

God knows, Nurse Paula thought to herself, as she tightened the tourniquet she had applied for Mr Peabody’s nosebleed, we do all we can to try to keep them alive! Maybe it’s just a genetic defect with today’s generation of patients, she thought, as Mr Peabody gradually collapsed back, purple-faced and unconscious, onto his bed, unable to loosen the tourniquet due to his other injuries; two broken arms. Yep, today’s generation of patient was definitely not as durable as previous generations, Paula thought, as she finally realized, “Oh, silly me! You don’t use a tourniquet for a nosebleed!”

Mr Peabody gratefully gasped in as much air as possible into his desperate lungs as he gradually regained consciousness. As the nurse now approached him with a large crepe bandage, and Mr Peabody was unable to defend himself due to his broken arms, he gasped, “No, I’m alright, really… no really I am… No, you don’t need to bother yourself about that, I’m sure it’ll stop bleeding in just a mo…Mmphh… mpphhh”

But Nurse Paula was not to be put off; patients, she knew, were often reluctant to accept their treatment. With the speed of many years’ training she swiftly bound up Mr Peabody’s nose, and covered the rest of his face too, for good measure; leaving Mr Peabody, with only a small patch of reddish hair showing above the bandages. She checked her watch; time for her tea-break. She taped the end of the bandage to stop it coming loose and, as Mr Peabody slowly collapsed backwards into unconsciousness again, she walked smartly off in the direction of the staff canteen. One must always walk purposefully, she had realized long ago… even when you’re just going for a smoko… People will think you’re both busy and important and, with any luck, they’ll leave you alone.

In any case, she had a good reason to be in a hurry to get to the canteen for this break; there was a new chef there by the name of Swannee whom she’d had her eye on since his arrival. Swannee was tall and rangy and his rugged good looks were somehow not marred but rather enhanced by the bright red sunburn he’d recently acquired on a fishing trip which had left him in the doghouse with his wife, who evidently did not understand that sometimes a man just has to go fishing.

“Seems you caught the sun over the weekend,” said Paula with her most inviting smile.

“Yeah… Pity that was all we caught!” Swannee grumped, as he plopped a large helping of mashed potatoes on Paula’s plate, “ Or my missus might have believed that we actually did go fishingYou want peas?”

“Please!” Paula smiled ingratiatingly. An equally large spoonful of peas was added to the roast lamb and mashed potatoes on her plate. But Swannee was oblivious to her obvious interest in him as the customers in the line behind her started to grumble amongst themselves. “C’mon passionflower,” one grumbled, “move along; there’s people waiting to be fed…” and Paula was obliged to reluctantly turn away from Swannee and take a seat at a nearby table. “’By-eeee!” she said seductively, and waved coquettishly back at him as she left. He’d only been working there a week… there was plenty of time, she thought… she would have him sooner or later, the poor, unsuspecting fool. She was quite determined that, as with all her paramours, this one would not escape. She was not known to her friends as ‘Passionate Paula’ for nothing!

Returning to the ward, she discovered someone had stuck an inkless biro-tube through the bandages on Mr Peabody’s face; “Oh dear!” she thought to herself as she realized that someone other than herself had done this to her patient, “I keep forgetting that patients have to breathe!” She wondered who it could possibly have been that had saved her all the paperwork which the demise of a patient would have caused her, but she could think of no-one who might do such a thing; although this was not the first time something like this had happened. Indeed, it seemed as though whenever Paula made a potentially fatal blunder in the ward, there was some invisible helper who fixed things up after her, without ever being seen. Paula could only put it down to her ‘guardian angel’ and left it at that; she was never really any good with puzzles and mysteries; they made her head ache.

Just then she was interrupted by the arrival of another patient; a motorcycle accident victim, or ‘organ donor’ as the nurses called them. Unfortunately this one was not too badly hurt except for a very nastily crushed and dislocated foot. The new patient was placed next to the Spanish patient, Pedro Santiago, who was recovering from his recent operation; a most unusual operation it was too… Cello-ectomies were rarely called for these days; nowadays it was usually guitars. It had looked ‘touch and go’ for Pedro for a while, but the patient had survived the operation and was recovering slowly; but he was obviously still in a lot of pain. Paula couldn’t help but wonder how such a huge musical instrument could possibly have been placed in such a relatively small body cavity… still, she thought, what people did in the privacy of their own homes was their own business…

While she was busy getting the new patient settled into his bed Paula did not notice a furtive figure emerge from the closet which belonged to one of the two empty beds in this six-bed ward, clutching a broom and pushing a folded copy of ‘Take Five’ magazine into her nylon coat pocket as she slipped, silently and unseen, out of the ward.

*****   *******   *****

NSW Gallery Makes a Blue

11 Sunday Oct 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Cricics, Critics, Everyone's a Critic

≈ 22 Comments

I’ve been going into this gallery since childhood – with varying degrees of awe, crowd-o-phobia and curiosity.

Tatzu Nishi - Kaldor Public Art Project Galler of NSW

Tatzu Nishi - Kaldor Public Art Project Gallery of NSW

Today was one of those AHA ! moments.

Outside the gallery, are two monumental equestrian sculptures – Gilbert Bayes’ The Offerings of Peace and The Offerings of War.  I  have walked past them – up there in the gods on their massive pedestals – with but a flicker of interest year after year.

Well, today we encountered two of Tatzu Nishi’s wonderful pieces of public space art magic.  The pieces are on display until the 14th of February next year.

I was going to just show you the outside and encourage you to delve – but what the heck – here is one of the interiors.

It massively outdoes the Godfather’s horse head in the bed …….

Nishi Exterior

Nishi Exterior

Nishi Interior

Nishi Interior

Fabulous, eh ?

Wait till Warrigal gets his peepers on the wonderful exhibition of 18th and 19th century lithographs – also on display at the NSWG.  I predict a new era in digital mischief…..

Here’s one by Jean-Jacques Grandville (not on display ay NSWG) – even before Waz gets his hands on it !

Jean-Jacques Grandville Scarab Procession

Jean-Jacques Grandville Scarab Procession

Cyrus Chap 8, Part 3.

11 Sunday Oct 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Cyrus the Great: Chronicles

≈ 9 Comments

Oracular Digs

Oracular Digs

By Astyages O’Theseustoo.

As always, the Pythoness received the party warmly, even displaying a polite gratitude for the gifts and tribute of the Lydian king. Servants unloaded the huge wagons while the herald, feeling the chill of a fear which made him catch his breath, so that from time to time he had to remind himself to breathe; entered the Shrine of the Oracle. Visibly trembling in the awesome presence of this living demi-goddess, the herald reverently approached the base of the raised dais which stood in front of the reputedly bottomless abyss where dwelt the earth-gods from whom the Pythoness received and relayed her pronouncements.

Silently the Pythoness spread her arms over the abyss; turning her face towards the heavens as she sought to enter the sacred trance in which she was able to hear the voices of the gods. After several long minutes of deep meditation, the demi-goddess turned around once more and looked not so much at, as through the visibly trembling herald; her glazed expression quickly changing into a cold, hard and fearsome visage as the god possessed her.

Her demeanour was haughty, imperious and intimidating as the Pythoness’ raised eyebrows now silently demanded of the messenger what he required of her. Finally mastering his fear, which the Pythoness’ display of mystical powers had only increased, by pushing them right down inside himself, the herald conquered his natural feelings of intimidation at the august presence of the gods within the Pythoness. Then, taking a deep breath in order to still his visible trembling, he bravely addressed the now god-possessed and trance-inspired Pythoness:

“Croesus, King of Lydia and several other countries,” he began, “believing that these are the only true oracles in all the world, has sent you such presents as your discoveries deserved. He now inquires of you how long his empire will flourish; he also wishes to know if he should go to war with the Persians and if so, should he strengthen himself by the forces of a confederate?”

The Pythoness nodded once silently and then turned her back on the messengers to commune once more with the spirits of the abyss. Presently she turned back again; her eyes now staring, blank and unseeing, into empty space, as from the edge of the abyss, she delivered her answer in a strangely masculine voice whose unnatural volume and deep echoing quality was, so the herald thought, the unmistakable sign of her possession by the god.

The Pythoness’ response, however, was delivered in an unknown tongue and the messenger could make nothing of it whatsoever, although he was personally familiar with several of the region’s languages. This must be the tongue of the very gods themselves, the messenger thought in awe, as he watched the Pythoness’ response being recorded by a scribe and interpreted by an acolyte, who wrote down its meaning on a piece of papyrus and passed it to him.

Suddenly he was startled out of his reverie, as he realized the acolyte was indeed actually speaking to him; in fact she was patiently explaining, for the second time, the oracle’s response, which was written on the small papyrus scroll the acolyte had just handed him.

“Tell Croesus of Lydia, the Son of Alyattes,” the girl was saying, “…that his empire will flourish until a mule sits on the throne of Persia; he must ally himself with the strongest of the Greeks and that if he attacks Cyrus he will destroy a mighty empire.”

Finally, when she had finished giving her answer, her eyes closed and the Pythoness’ head fell forwards onto her breast almost as if she had lost consciousness; yet she remained standing, apparently insensible to everything but her own inner voices as, in her still-entranced condition, she now contemplated the full meaning and significance of the new knowledge which had just been imparted to her by the god.

Taking the scroll from the acolyte as the goddess fell once more into her trance the herald realized almost immediately that the Pythoness was again lost in mystical contemplation. A few moments later, he realized that his audience with the oracle had ended and, bowing repeatedly to the apparently unconscious goddess, he backed quickly out of the temple to begin his return journey to Lydia. His master, he knew, would surely be very pleased with this news and was certain to reward him very generously, so he was eager to bring it to him as swiftly as possible.

***   *****   ***

Giving O’Way More Space 3

09 Friday Oct 2009

Posted by Mark in Mark

≈ 70 Comments

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Father O'Way

Evidence of Aliens playing at Cricket

Evidence of Aliens playing at Cricket

Digital Skullduggery by Warrigal

Gordon leads us out of the pub and down a small alleyway. We come to a door. Over the doorway is a sign “FARTS ROOM”. Gordon slides a card through the scanner and we enter. It hits me like a ton of bricks. We are in some sort of control room. We are IN space. The Earth is receding behind us and we are closing in on the moon. Wow, this is for real. My heart is racing and even Belinda, who has been as solid as a rock, is squeezing my hand hard.

“Yes, we are in space, different isn’t it?” says Gordon who has a cheeky grin on his face. “FART, this is Sandy and Belinda. They are off into space shortly so they will be calling on you” Gordon relates. “Afternoon Father, Miss Belinda” “Afternoon” we mutter nervously. “Look Gordon, can we call the FART by name? FART is a quasi-offensive term on Earth” “Certainly” Gordon says “What name would you like?” “I am model Vee.1.1.1 if that helps” interjects FART, “Lets see,” says Belinda “VIII, how about Henry as in Henry VIII?” “Certainly” says FART “Reprogramming, Central Computer Catherine, recognize FART as Henry, confirmed” reports FART. “Dead slow to the moon” Gordon commands. “Yes boss” replies Henry.

“So when you need to see Henry, come down the alleyway. Here’s your cards, these will get you anywhere on the ship”. Gordon hands Belinda and me a credit card each. “If you need to buy anything just use the card. It’s attached to my account.” “So Gordon when I get to these places you want me to go, how do I communicate with whomever I meet, won’t they have their own languages?” I ask. “Well sort of but don’t worry, everyone will speak English” “English? In the universe?” I gasp. “Yes, Sandy, English. I taught them English when I taught them cricket” Gordon replies. “So Gordon, what about your world, your dimension? Are you God? Did you create the universe? Are you a human? Do you speak English on your world?” “Sandy, Sandy, Sandy. Okay, look you’re right, I haven’t told you much about that part have I?” Gordon responds. “Okay, so let’s see. No, I’m not God as you know it. I’m a uni student who with a bunch of my class mates created the universe. The universe is in a black box at the back of the science lab for Astrophysics 101. I’m studying for a degree and my thesis is on Cricket in the Milky Way. Our sun is called Star T, our planet is Meup and I live on an island called Never Stop. Our capital is Running Hot and the major river is named Grown Men Cry. We use vehicles that ride the wind at double speed but believe me I’ll show you places that you’ve never never seen”.

“Hang on a minute, Star T, Meup, Never Stop, Grown Man Cry, isn’t that a Rolling Stones song?” I press annoyed that someone might be having a lend of me. “Well, I ran into Mick, we had a few drinks, back to his house for a jam, told him my story, next thing I know he’s got a number one hit, sheez, you just can’t trust some people.” Gordon bemoans. “Anyway, that’s enough about me, so will you do this trip?” I look to Belinda and I can see that glint in her eyes that tells me that I had better or else. “Yes Gordon” I surrender “We’ll do the trip. So where do we go?” “Good man Sandy, I knew you were up to it. Okay so take this, it’s the equivalent to an intergalactic mobile phone. First destination is Joon. The Bilbobs are playing the Aryans in the one day final. I’ll phone you with the next stop later. Keep and eye on the opener, Zim Away, promising young player, should be a great match, Earth thanks Henry” “Earth, dead slow Boss” says Henry.

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