Pig-Tel Toaster – for the geek who has everything
As we rocket towards the festive season, The Pig’s Arms marketing team Pig-Tel brings you, our faithful patron, the opportunity of a lifetime, the perfect gift for the geek who has everything – the PIG-Tel USB toaster.
Now we know that true geeks will be aware that the power coming out of the USB port of your PC is not a lot – and that a conventional toaster would take approximately two weeks to produce toast (well, dry bread more so than toast).
So the Pig-Tel boffins have come up with a new and revolutionary way of using a conventional oinkjet printer to lightly spray a brown tinge on a single slice of bread. Quick as a wink.
So for just $9.95 plus postage and handling ($495.85, or two monthly payments of $300.67), this Pig-Tel USB toaster can be on its way to making your Christmas toast a paler shade of brown.
The Pig-Tel USB 2 slice toaster – out of the box * requires car battery !
Act now, and we’ll throw in an iVegemite oink cartridge and if you’re one of the first two callers, we go the whole hog and give you an automatic honey spreader.
Call us Now !
Distributed at the back of the car park of the Pig’s Arms – by the Hell’s Angles Out-of-the Boot Logistics Corporation.
Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle 
Does it come with a matching carry case.
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Mostly it just says “Oh. God !” a few times – and then the neighbours bang on the wall or call the police.
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Now I know just what to buy David (don’t call me) Jr for Dionysia!
Better make it a blue one, Emmjay…
😉
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All the confident men are going pink these days asty. It says “I am so macho you couldn’t possibly think I’m gay, but I have an arty intelligent side.” It’s a sure thing.
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I know that, Voice… and you know that… But David (don’t call me) Junior will be much harder to convince.
I remember wearing pink shirts during the sixties… I even wore them to school… and the bullies DIDN”T beat me up for it, ’cause they were wearing pink shirts too! But they still managed to find some excuse to beat me up anyway!
Nowadays I feel I have nothing to prove to anyone anymore… or maybe I’ve just given up caring what people think, which, I suppose, amounts to much the same thing… anyway, I now wear whatever I feel like.
😉
PS: When women wear pink does this mean they’re trying to let us know how ‘macho’ they are too?
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Pink clothing is sooo 20th Century. It’s kitchen appliances that count these days.
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So nowadays women wear pink kitchen appliances?
😉
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Does it come with a set of steak knives and a block of flats in Tasmania. If I’m one of the first ten callers do I get a second one free.
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Steak knives might come in handy, Algernon, but a block of flats in Tasmania; what on earth are you going to do with them?
Gerard just got the pink one in the afternoon mail; as there is no promised Christian Dior marcara in the package, I’ll send it back…
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Emmjay!!!! He sold me the NSW franchise. Only $50,000 plus a per unit cost, purchases in blocks of 100 units. A steal. But I thought I had exclusivity!
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Ah, exclusivity. That’s for the exclusive Vauclusive.
Would you like a bit of space for a stall in the Pig’s Arms Car Boot Logistics Stock clearance sale (i.e. the car park) ?
This time try not to scratch the Zephyr.
There’s a small stallholders fee. Did I mention that ?
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Maybe you got the pink ones, Voice, and Emmjay is left to flog the blue ones.
Something fishy going on here, my pinkie came from Mike’s garage…
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Then I’ve got it made in the shade H. Pink is the colour for the real man. Macho, yet sensitive. Only need to get a woman into their kitchen, the pink toaster will do the rest. Turn it on, and watch it turn them on. Only three monthly payments of $300.67.
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In my experience, pink always costs a bit more.
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Girls, I used to have no love life. But since I got one of those pink toasters, I can’t stop smiling. Carry one with you in your oversized handbag, thrown in free for the first 10 callers at only 3 monthly payments of $300.67.
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She shoots ! She scores !!!
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The toaster
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Hung, there are not enough words in your post; can you afford a few more?
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H, I asked Hung whether he liked the toaster or the tatt. So It could well be a definitive answer
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Emm, Tutu must have said no to tatt, was the toaster his birthday or Chrissie present?
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I suppose that she prefers to keep abreast of things herself. Chrissie, I suspect – birthday present was alleged to be a USB power drill. A Pig-Tel USB power drill, of course.
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It can be my “Gordon”present
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Can I just have the honey spreader, please? Mrs At. just doesn’t know how to… no, I’m not going to say it… handle me… no, no, that’s wrong, too… eat me… damn, no, that’s also wrong… Can I just have the spreaderer thingy please? Doesn’t matter what colour it is but if it’s electric it’d be even betterer.
Gorrrrd, I think I can hear the men with the white jackets knocking at me door!
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What colours do they come in?
Will they have a ring tone when popping up?
Any pink ones left?
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Oh, no, now I know what you are planning to give me for my birthday…
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