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Digitally Rescued by Warrigal
We have just hit space debris where the planet Joon should be and I’m now at the controls of a spaceship, controls that remind me of my faithful Toyota Camry. Henry, the navigational computer, is busy attempting to prevent the ship from being damaged and I am turning the ship as hard as possible to the right to get the zark outta here, wherever here is. The Hevli-tastic is standing next to me with my companion Belinda. Every one looks worried so I try to lighten the moment by saying something incredibly stupid like “Don’t worry you guys. Learnt this on my uncles farm in New England, anyway I have farcical powers”. Suddenly the ship rights itself and calm is restored on the ship. A voice pops up in my head, its Gordon “Use the farce Sandy, the farce is strong within you”.
Henry speaks through the intercom “Look Sandy, there’s a small moon over there, lets orbit it for protection”. Henry has now resumed control of the ship. Somehow using my farcical powers I have managed to put a hold on the current situation. “Look, Helvi, Belinda, what’s that on that asteroid on the left?” We all peer out of the control room to see an asteroid floating past with a bio. It’s a cricket picket inside the bio with a game going on. What the…? “I’ll send the Nimmow to rescue them”interjects Henry.
The Nimmow, with the Kipper and Jilligan set off to the asteroid and return with the battle weary cricket harden Joonians. “Hey man”says the first one on board still wearing his batting pads“I mean I was on 99 and heading for a century when these two goons in pink chiffon blouses turn up with laser cannons and say they are here to rescue us” “Welcome mate er, um, fella, whatever I’m Sandy from Earth and we have picked you up” I blurt not really knowing what one says in circumstances like this “Hey Sandy, dude, my name is Shah Latif Abdul Bahi or Slab for short as my mates reckon I can down a slab any day. I’m from Crickmanistan and this is our first eleven. We knew we was in trouble with the ICCB so we legged it to the Asteroid Oval, beautiful ground to play cricket on don’t you think?” Hmmm, my obvious weaknesses, an intense dislike for cricket and zarking acronyms. “Fabulous I’m sure” I reply as diplomatically as possible.
As the others enter into the control room Helvi grabs my arm “Sandy, that ain’t no moon” “Now Helvi there is no such word as ain’t” I reply in my sanctimonious parish priest voice. “Sandy, that AIN’T no moon, that’s an ICCB Death Ball, a genuine six stitcher” I focus my full attention on the ball and realise that Helvi is telling the truth “Henry, reverse swing or whatever I’m supposed to say to get us outta here” I bark “Sorry Sandy, we seem to be caught in a detractor beam, we can’t move, we will dock with the Death Ball in approximately 1 hour” “Detractor beam?”I reply “Yes Sandy. It locks onto the ship preventing it from moving and it makes very disparaging remarks and the ship and it’s crew, I’m feeling very hurt at the moment” Oh for zark sake, now Henry is telling me that we will be docking onto the Death Ball and he is upset at a bit of sledging, you know space never ceases to amaze me. “Anyone with an idea of what to do better speak up now?” “I know”says Belinda “Lets play a straight bat…..”
astyages said:
Read it a couple of days ago, Hung, but haven’t had a chance to comment… still don’t know quite what to say, except, wonderful stuff! Keep ’em coming… I’m off now to try to write episode 5 of ‘Hell’s Hospital’… Wish me luck!
🙂
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Hung One On said:
Thanks asty. Have started playing a little, should be able to jam soon
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H said:
Hey, Hung, are these stories going to appear in a book form?
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Hung One On said:
Maybe. What do you think?
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gerard oosterman said:
Could well be, Hung…
It’s me, not gez, only his computer.
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Julian said:
‘The cricket hardened Joonians’
At last I’ve found them.
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Hung One On said:
These are your people
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Algernon said:
Hung I was wondering if Tilian Umar Raazzaq Danish comes from the same part of Crickmanistan as Shah Latif Abdul Bahi.
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Hung One On said:
Definitely and thanks for the input Algy
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Algernon said:
Your welcome, Hung. Thought that young bloke from the WI was a joy to watch yesterday, a bit unlucky with the LBW too I thought. Mind you it will be a quick summer of cricket if we have three day tests.
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Hung One On said:
Yes he looks good. What do you think about the Aussies? Kato looks good, Haddin looks abit out of touch with the gloves, Johno erratic.
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Algernon said:
I’d take them all to Adelaide including Bollie though I think he’ll carry the drinks. I’d like to see Watson further down the order, he can play anywhere from 1 to 7. That woulf give Hughes or Jaques more time. THough I think Jaques is destined to be a batsman like Elliot was when Haydn was opener. Katich is becoming Mr Dependable. Haddins first back from injury a great catch at the end of the second innings. Johno only has one weapon thats pace. Looks like Mr Crickets done enough to save his summer. Bollie and Hughes are the future so is Siddle for that matter. Hauritz is developing nicely
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Hung One On said:
Who would you drop to fit Watson down the order? Or is there another opener in the side, maybe Mr Cricket
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Algernon said:
I’m thinking longer term. One day Mr Cricket will get tapped on the shoulder you would move him down then. Watson is in the team because of his versatility with bat and ball. He’s a bit more than an all rounder. He’s the opener with Katich because others are not ready. One or two more failures and the brains trust will be asking questions. Are you off to the Test next week?
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Hung One On said:
Probably not, working 6 days a week at the moment and like to rest on Sundays.
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Algernon said:
Well the test may be over by then
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Julian said:
Is it my imagination, or did I read this with double spacing earlier?
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Emmjay said:
Yes
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Hung One On said:
No
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Hung One On said:
Maybe
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Hung One On said:
Thanks Mike
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Hung One On said:
Gee what happened to the font ed?
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atomou said:
Good one, Hung!
What’s a six-stitcher ball? Or shouldn’t I ask?
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Hung One On said:
Yes ato, apparently cricket balls have six stiches in them, painful I reckon
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Emmjay said:
I find that appalling, Hung. They only put five in a chaff bag.
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Hung One On said:
Does that mean 3 stitches per ball
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Julian said:
I wonder if the actor in ‘Hung”, the new TV series, has any stitches in is balls.
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H said:
Hung, so you were saving your words for this story…of course I always tell the truth; you should always listen to a Sagittarian…
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Hung One On said:
So you must be due for a birthday H?
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H said:
Must be as I’m a Sagittarian.
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