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My remaining five mysteries
By Helvi Oosterman
As you have all been waiting, with bated breath no doubt, for my remaining five mysterious things; no more suspense, here they are. To please dear Asty, I’ll start with something ‘sublime’ and leave the more mundane mysteries last:
6. Why are so many men cagey about shaking hands with females, whilst at the same time happy to pump their mates’ arms almost to a breaking point? Here I stand with my extended hand only to be conveniently ignored. Are we girls a lower caste, or are the men afraid to appear too intimate with us. After all the French men hug you and plant not one but four kisses on one’s cheeks without fear of retribution. Swearing when there are females present is another baffler. Don’t tell me the old story about ‘ladies’; we only have them in England, and they go together with the Lords…
7. I also like to know who ever came up with this unforgivable term, a ‘naughty’ or it’s brother ‘nookie’ when referring to making love. He wasn’t a Frenchman, that’s for sure.
8. We had lunch with some newish friends; the quiche was very good and the desert was divine. There was a salad to go with the main, but it wasn’t dressed, the vinaigrette was missing; what to do? Follow the hostess and sprinkle some oil from one bottle and a few drops of vinegar from another. But this is not the same as having a real vinaigrette made to proper quantities of oil, vinegar, salt, pepper, French mustard, pinch of sugar, some fresh herbs and even garlic if you so prefer. Is this two-bottle custom from middle ages?
9. While we are talking food I have to ask what is this calling some cheeses ‘tasty’? Are the other cheeses tasteless, perhaps? I have a husband who sometimes still buys those packets of pre-sliced processed ‘cheeses’, these slices are individually wrapped and at times very hard to get to. I suggest that he eat them with wrapping and all; they both taste the same more or less.
10. Now we are coming to the one mystery which I actually hate, really the only thing I hate, the flies. Why are there so many flies in the Australian bush? My dreams of picnics on the river were killed by millions of flies as soon as we took the tucker out. One Christmas I decked the table on the veranda with my best linen and tableware; as soon as the prawns arrived we all had to run inside as the flies swarmed from nowhere to attack the food. On my dad’s farm in Finland we did everything outside during summers, we had our coffee breaks, lunches and at times even dinners al fresco. We were not bothered by flies. I know the northern part of my fatherland is made inhabitable in summertime by mosquitoes , but that is a story for another time. I remember visting Bali when it was still pretty dirty and when the food scraps and other rubbish littered the place, and of course plenty of unclean water for flies to breed in, yet hardly any about…
I hope you can show some light into my little mysteries; be truthful or inventive, all explanations thankfully accepted!
Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle 
Voice is right; the word nookie comes from the Dutch ‘neuken’.
Of course that is not surprising as sex itself was invented by the Dutch well before England.
There they were still into munchin Adam apples and flogging off into Yorkshire pudding. This is were the expression ‘ pull’n the pudd’n comes from.
Abbott still goes for the Yorkshire variety and then confesses to Father Slammit or be dammit.
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The answer to the Old question: What came first, the neuken or the Engels?
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7. Is it perhaps Abbot who came up with the term ‘nookie’?
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No, Cardinal Abbot would call it a ‘naughty’, then flagellate vigorously!
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I thought that he was into frottage…on his bike…with his togs on!!
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I was most curious if anyone would offer an explanation to my number 7 mystery…
Not even Gerard has come up with some inventive story about this word’s origin; he’s been to busy unwrapping the tightly packaged processed ‘cheese’ slices!
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According to the online etymology dictionary, we should blame it on the Dutch: nookie – “sexual activity,” 1928, perhaps from Du. neuken “to fuck”.
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Then again, we owe a lot of the English language to Dutch.
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You are saucy today Voice.
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Voice, you are right most likely, funnily I never saw the likely connection to ‘nookie’.
Strangely enough I thought about all these foreign words that have been accepted into the English language. The only Finnish words I could think of was ‘sauna’!
We can’t accept Nokia, as it a name for a town and a name for a company.
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We haven’t got to the nitty gritty of why cheese is sold as ‘tasty’!
Fifty years ago it caused my dad to have endless moments of mirth every time he came across cheese that had ‘tasty’ written on its package.
I do have a penchant for the pre sliced cheese package though. Each slice I open, delighted with the idea that is is a little present from someone.
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Most packaged, sliced cheese is what they call processed cheese. It has emulsifiers, preservatives and colouring in.
Avoid unless famished.
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Plastic.
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It is just a cheese with no name or particular origin. Someone made it and declared it tasty (as opposed to yucky) and the name stuck. It is a shame that it wasn’t given a proper name but it is a good all purpose cheese for mornay sauces, sandwiches, on savoury biscuits with tomato and salt and pepper.
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PS: I think such fanatically hierarchical men as the competitive handshakers do not like shaking hands with women because this is an activity between warrior-equals; women were meant to curtsy… a lovely and graceful, if submissive gesture…
🙂
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Asty, astute observations as always; ten out of ten for your posts!
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Sorry I haven’t posted on this thread yet, Helvi… I read it a couple of days ago but haven’t had a chance to comment yet.
Since the first of your mysteries seems to be addressed, or at least dedicated to me, perhaps I should attempt to answer that one:
The origin of the handshake, I think, dates back to ancient Persia. It was introduced as a way of neutralizing a potential adversary’s sword-arm whilst greeting him; it also gave one an opportunity to ascertain his friendly disposition…
Some men appear to like to engage in what I might call ‘competititve’ handshaking. This is essentially a struggle to see whose hand is in the superior (upper) position; the inference being that the one taking the inferior position does so because of weakness… ie. ‘natural inferiority’.
Men who engage in such competitive handhakes are often fanatically hierarchical and seek to dominate other people, who are all seen as ‘competition’; to be done down and ultimately beaten into submission.
Such men are often so hierarchical that they are still locked into the ‘trophy wife’ and ‘sex-object’ mindset… They are too busy trying to dominate their women to be able to accept them as equals… Mind you, on the other side of the fence, ‘goddesses’ and ‘princesses’ have a lot to answer for too… being just the female expression of the same hierarchical impulse.
Another handshake I dislike is the ‘cold-fish’ in which the hand is left limp and exerts no pressure at all… I personally usually interpret this as an expression of disdain… as if the person were saying, “I don’t really want to know you but am forced to accept your existence, but I really don’t trust you or want to have anything to do with you…”
Personally I’ve never had any problems shaking hands with women… but some men… that’s a different matter.
😉
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Hi Helvi. re: flies.
I suspect they are pretty bad in Australia because we lack the hypo cold temperatures.
Time flies ! You can’t – they fly too fast.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a babana.
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Emm, it’s bloody freezing in Lapland in winter, yet the place is full of mossies in summer. As I said Bali is hot and humid , but not many flies.
Good try!
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I’ll be fifty first Helvi.
I wanted to chat about cheeses, but I’m busy dreaming up an article without any fancy words.
But I’ll just leave on this note..think of cheese, think of Morbier. Just the right amount of extra taste from the mold, without masking the creamy cheese .
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Jayell, we don’t need any fancy words!
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Due to this little bit of vinaigrette inspiration, and the warm weather, I am having my today version of niçoise salad for dinner, rather than the take-away I was tempted to get since I am home alone for a week.
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Leave out the tuna!
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I have to ask why. It is tinned tuna if that is relevant. An inexpensive why to get some fish into the diet
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You nasty pasty, Voice!
Didn’t you know we’re into the peak tuna period?
http://www.sbs.com.au/food/blogarticle/114442/Peak-Tuna
Be a little more piscatorially sensitive please!
(Can’t stand the taste or texture of tin tuna. Even if your drown it in olive oil and vinegar, it’s still like swallowing chalk!)
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Oh you meany beany ato! I really like fresh tuna, but tinned tuna is cheap so I am pleased that I like it. I don’t think of it as tuna, just as a healthy thing I like alright that I can keep in the pantry and have easily available. The same with tinned sardines.
I do not like tinned salmon. But I have to say that Tassal (brand name) frozen salmon is quite decent and I do think of it as salmon. It is no cheaper than fresh salmon but it is a good standby for when you haven’t had time to shop.
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Is that an invitation?
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It is a sharing Jules. But if you and your lovely wife want to come down to Sydney, feel free. I have two spare rooms at the moment. Even you alone. Only 2 rules:
– No sex till the third date
– No dating
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There was a play that I saw years ago. “No sex please we’re British.”
But I have an Australian passport now.
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I’ve always thought that an authentic Niçoise, should be tuna free.
As well I can’t abide tinned tuna.
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Forunately I quite like tinned tuna JL. Also, tinned baby corn, corn kernels, water chestnuts, sardines, various beans and lentils, and tomatoes among others.
It’s not an authentic Niçoise. Kipfler potatoes. I’ve only used Niçoise olives a couple of times when they were available at the local markets; I find them too fiddly. Today I am compensating for a total lack of olives with extra capers and an extra anchovy.
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Boiled eggs?
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Hard-boiled eggs, roma tomato, green beans (added towards the end to the boiling potatos rather than steamed), green oak lettuce, sliced raw onion (plus the above).
Vinaigrette: Virgin olive oil, lemon juice, splash of balsamic vinegar, fresh crushed garlic, dried basil, Dijon mustard from the supermarket, garden parsley.
A reasonably pragmatic summer dinner.
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Well I won’t keep you from your preparation.
I’m just listening to Santana, and trying to scribble an article for PA. Moved the laptop into the dining room and am looking for inspiration as the boats and noisy jet-skis go by.
Long overdue of course. I’m lazy these days. 32 deg here.
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Voice, are you into Kipflers as well, I often make these kind of salads for lunch: tuna, anchovies, hard-boiled eggs, sometimes capers, cos lettuce. I vary it depending what i happen to have in the pantry. Chickpeas, lentils, ant beans, but never ever baked beans.Also salads made with tomato, basil, stale Italian bread, capers,lemon juice, good olive oil…olives..
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Julian, I will not touch tinned salmon, not so keen on the fresh or the smoked one either, I really don’t like anything smoked.
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Funnily enough I like tinned salmon, sardines and kippers–but not tuna.
You’re just trying to get your response total up Helvi.
I know your little game!
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Julian, is it so hard to believe that some us are just nice people who believe in replying to other nice people who have been kind enough to write something in reponse to one’s little story.
I would never think that you would write only to get the numbers up on your own stories! 🙂
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It’s always the sweet ladies who did it in Agatha Christie’s books.
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Oooh Angela, you’re in for it. Just ask Carla!
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11. What happened to the gravatars on the newer comments for Helvi and atomou? When did the older dot comments get moved?
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They’re still there. Try clicking the “Older Comments” tag at the bottom.
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A couple of weeks ago, Jason cut off the long tail of comments and put it in the cupboard for us, Voice. No Idea what’s happening with the Gravatars. Mystery of universe #47
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Is the baited breath to catch pedants?
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Voice, the pedants are harder to catch than flies; still I could not resist telling Tomokatu how to spell Skandinavia.
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In English or Swedish?
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In Finnish!
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Voice, the real reason for the ‘baited’ is that it goes better with ‘waited”.I’ll get Gez (MY editor 🙂 ) to change it it back to bated!.
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Here goes, my turn
10. Lists with ten things on them
9. …….
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Shit!! Do I need glasses or what??
Or is your list invisible?
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Julian, you are always overseas, or almost always, you are missing a lot of things lke flies and mossies :)l
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Something that I find myself saying to Aussies, maybe by way of an excuse, I don’t know, is, ‘I like the architecture, history and insight into culture’, that I find overseas.
But I would like to travel around a bit. Western Australia..Melbourne and Adelaide even.
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I have not been to Perth or Adelaide either, Gez has been everywhere in Aussie, I stay home and look after cat or the kids..and Milo.
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IMHO Adelaide’s main tourist feature would be its proximity to the Barossa Valley and Southern Vales wine (and increasingly food) areas.
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Was it my imagination, or did Hung fly in and buzz off?
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Certainly. But come to Adelaide, all the wine you can drink
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Generous bastard-as you know I’m teetotal at the mo.
But..you never know. I’d hate to disappoint a local!!
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Hung that’s a lovely long post, last time you only offered one word: what. 🙂
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Never experienced the fly thing. I’ve lived here 22 years next march.
Reading gerard’s list makes me realize that I keep saying I’m “going” to see Australia.
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It’s funny Voice, but I thought that Angie looks quite happy there. Anyhow she is German and they tend to be more formal, and as for Sarkozy, he comes from a passionate Hungarian background… !
I read in yesterday’s Australian:’ Hollywood actor Richard Gere kissed Bollywood goddess Shilpa Shetty on the cheek in 2007 and sparked an obscenity case and burning of effigies across India.’
Wow!
Wow!
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Angela Merkel doesn’t exactly look thrilled does she? Sarkozy might have chosen to be be a bit more formal; but that’s not his personal style. Chirac went for the hand kiss.
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Yeah, Looks like he’s about to slip the tongue in.
Hang on that sound slike a Blondie song.
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Hey Algi, can we get Tuckey and Mirrabella to do a duet!Better than Blondie any time!
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I’d rate that MA15+ at least. Its not something you’d want the kids to see.
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Corse Emmjay and I had lunch just around the corner from his Palais/office.
I saw a cavalcade come out. I am sure that I wroye about that before.
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And a lovely lunch it was too, Jules. I was tragically late, but our host was as munificent as always – and the food and wine were superb – but not as wonderful as the company. When we saw the cavalcade, I was most impressed by the stunning girl cops with the Uzis.
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H, put lavender everywhere around the table, gets rid of the flies
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Yes, I have to swap my flysprays to lavender; no doubt the sprays are causing cancer…lavender smells better too.
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Certainly in cattle country flies are impossible. I remember touring some of NSW with someone equally ignorant. We stopped for a BBQ at a lovely roadside park, but had to retreat to the car to eat it. Outside we could not get the meat to the mouth without flies. Also you had to physically push the flies off. When you waved at them, they waved back.
At Dooralong Lodge in NSW they have mosquito netting fences around the verandah. In my dream house, which has been cancelled/postponed, I will have an outdoor table near the door to the house, with removable netting fences surrounding an area around both.
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Hi Voice,
A few years ago I undertook an extensive tour throughout the interior, through Bourke, Hungerford Gate, Bedouri into Alice and then back down to Port Augusta, Cooper Pedy,Broken-Hill back To Sydney.
We were as remote from cattle as we were from people. Or if there were cattle, they would be very thin on the ground,
The flies were impossible and we would open a can of sardines away from the car in the hope they would go there, instead of around us, as a kind of lure, all to little avail.
The answer was to keep on driving. They were those pesty little bush flies that would try and crawl inside nostrils and eyes, mouth, ears and other orifices.
They are here now and I have taken to carry netting around my head.
It suits me, Helvi reckons it makes me even more alluring and mysterious. .
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Yes, those horrid sticky bush flies are the ones I’m thinking of. I’m sure that cattle attract them; I’m not sure about other factors though.
Even in Sydney I’d go for the verandah netting to counter the mosquitoes. I do know one house in Sydney that has surrounded the wooden verandah with it as well.
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Voice, we should have put the netting on the ‘dining’ part of the veranda straight after moving here, I have seen them in many places in the country. In Sydney we got lots mossies as the garden became more jungle like.
The flies are not always bad, but I still pray that the scientists will find a ‘cure’ for those little pests one day, also for the mossies in Lapland!
What happened to my picture, it’s gone missing like ato’s !?
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You can rule me out of the picture issues H; I have changed nothing.
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Voice, we have been having service provider problems, and have only been able to use Gerard’s computer. I find it strange and have most likely deleted my picture myself…
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Maybe Helvi although it seems unlikely. I think WordPress gravatars are a bit of a mystery. I had a quick squiz at the Dashboard and both your and ato’s pictures are still showing there.
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In my world we only curtsied as little girls, then we grew up and became egual to men and stopped kowtowing to you blokes…
As a foodie , Jules, you might also know the origins of the mix-it-on-your-plate salad dressing ?
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I’ll aDRESS it when I get back from choosing a new sink and cooktop for my kitchen.
I should have gone an hour ago, but wrote a note to Dorian and Atomou instead.
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Hey Jules, we need someone to do a story about food and cooking; how about it ? Everything OK with the the new sink and the cooktop?
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Heading toward an Oliveri undermount. Either the Titan or Manhattan MH882U.
As with everything in life, there are issues.
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I used to have/use a pre-mixed vinaigrette until about 25 years ago. With the advent of first press oils, nut oils, avocado ect, ect I found it easier to serve/use them separately.
In the main I drizzle- or splash the oil, and no vinegar at all. Just a sprinkling of sea salt does me. Depending on the food of course. But yes crunchy cos and olive oil!
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Hey, home cooking done by someone else; I take it gratefully as it comes.
To me the thing about add-it-yourself oil and/or vinegar is how to coat the salad at the table. Also I guess your oil bottle would have to allow the oil to drip rather than pour.
I find the 25-year-out-of-date pre-tossed vinaigrette is always well received. I prefer lemon juice but red-wine vinegar is a good standby. Dried basil is handy for when you don’t have fresh. I also keep a jar of minced garlic for when I run out of fresh. Better than nothing.
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I was always taught that it was impolite to offer to shake hands with a woman.
Well I suppose it’s hard to shake hands and curtsey at the same time!
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I haven’t read William S Burrough’s book Naked Lunch, but I’m now wondering if they ate undressed salads on that occasion…should that be non-dressed salads?
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You kiss on the right cheek and say moi, moi and then you do the same to the other and say tu.tu. You never close your eyes of course and President Sarkozy does it perfectly, even though Merkel is a bit mutterlich looking.
The vinaigrette is gaining ground though and even here in conservative heartland you do sometimes get a salad make over including all herb infused vinaigrette.
The flies; Canberra pollies are often waving them away. They are easier to shoo away than Sri-lankans.
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