Tags
Digital Ballistics by Warrigal
This is a Press Release put out by the Intergalactic Cricket Control Board (ICCB) from the president Sunil Galvatron.
“It is with much regret that I inform you that the ICCB Death Ball was attacked and destroyed at 1000 hours Central Galactic Time (CGT) by rebel forces led by a renegade priest who calls himself Father O’Way.
It further saddens me to inform you that in the fighting the Death Ball returned fire at the rebels and accidentally struck the Planet Joon, which just happened to floating by, destroying it and killing all 200 million residents. The ICCB regrets incidents like this and boy, we hate it when that happens.
The Death Ball and all those that sailed on her were killed in the exchange totalling 500,000 troops and our Commander in Chief, Lord Deaf Vision. Consequently we are advertising in Saturdays press for a new Commander in Chief so any of you evil Lord’s our there who are interested in the job, please submit your CV with two referees and anyone who can pass the police clearance need not apply.
As Death Balls are very expensive all fees have been increased to meet the cost of a new one. So juniors will have to pay 50 Galactic Units (GU’s) more per game and Under 16’s up to first grade will pay an extra 100 GU’s. Now don’t forget report to the coach on the dot at 1000 hours, wear plenty of blockout and bring extra water. The Canteen ladies as usual will provide the oranges.
To the rebels the Cricket Wars have begun and I have dispatched several Intergalactic Universal Destroyers (IUD’s) to exterminate, exterminate, oops sorry, resolve the conflict with you by communication and negotiation and if necessary extreme violence”
*************************************************
Michael has taken Helvi to the repair shop so she can get a new arm put on after the other one was blown off in the fighting on the death ball. It’s a beautiful sunny day in the bio and I haven’t let Belinda out of my sight since returning. Without her I would be devastated and anyway Hung would have to invent a new girlfriend for me.
George has made a picnic hamper for us of stuffed vine leaves, olives, pita bread and freshly baked spanokopitas plus baklava for desert. George has also packed us a bottle of cold Verdelho. George has style I must admit.
Belinda and I head down to the river. Dave the guitar droid is sitting on the upper balcony of the Bats Droppings and is singing Van Morrisons Have I told you lately that I love you. It doesn’t get any better than this I thought to myself but there is something I have to thrash out with Belinda.
We pop the basket on the bench and I pour us some wine. “Belinda” I start “There is something I need to know.” She turns and looks intently in my direction with that beautiful radiant smile. “What is it Sandy?” she prompts. I gulp nervously “Well, you know how I have been mirroring a certain story and in that certain story you turn out to be my sister and that you know we have been doing the wild thing for months now, please tell me you not my sister?”
Belinda starts laughing and is now to the point where it has become uncontrollable. Tears are running down her cheeks into her stunning cleavage and her ample bosom. “Oh Sandy, now firstly you have stopped mirroring that story and secondly no I’m not your sister. Remember I’m Glenda’s little sister and Hung introduced me into the story so he could do that gag about the soggy sombrero.”
Thank Gordon for that. I mean seeing that Lord Vision turned out to be Dad one just never knows. “Belinda, I love you, you know that don’t you?” I proffer nervously, I mean I’m a parish priest for zark sake, what do I know about love and women. “And I love you Sandy” Belinda replies and with that we eat our delightful meal taking in the river scene as the music meanders through the air and the sun warms our faces. Yes, something special has happened. Life will never be the same again. Just as that thought passed through my brain George comes racing across the green “Sandy, Miss Belinda, you need to read this” George proclaims “What is it George” I ask knowing I won’t like the answer “It’s a press release from the ICCB….
*************************************************
Mirriyuula said:
Are we seeing the first intimations of a major theme change here HOO? Will cricket not be continuing to enjoy its central thematic position?
I hope not. Not that I’m a big cricket fan per se. The game itself doesn’t interest me one bit except that it is the foundation for the global cultural phenomenon that is “Cricket”. That I love. Just as I love your yarn.
LikeLike
Hung One On said:
Actually WM, I was going to tidy up a few things from the first part before moving to the second part however I try to keep each bit to around 750 words so its easy to read. Surprisingly for someone whose brief is succinctness I find that difficult to do.
I think cricket will always be the central theme however at times I will stray outside off stump to embellish the story.
LikeLike
Hung One On said:
Only 79 more to a ton
LikeLike
Hung One On said:
Hay Jules, did you buy that vinyl to mp3 thingy?
LikeLike
ju said:
No! But you have reminded me now. Cheers.
LikeLike
Hung One On said:
Thanks JL, the namer of HOO, average wage would be 500,000 GU’s per week
LikeLike
Hung One On said:
Oops, this should have appeared down the bottom, get it, down the bottom!
LikeLike
Hung One On said:
Thanks Waz or should I say Warrigal?
LikeLike
Julian said:
Now now. Don’t get uppity YOUNG Hung.
Hey that was witty Hadron.
LikeLike
Julian said:
Teroo. He’s only 52.
I mean true he’s fifty two.
Hey I think he’s got it. By george he’s got it!
LikeLike
Julian said:
Eliza: The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain.
Higgins: I think she’s got it. I think she’s got it.
Eliza: The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain.
Higgins: By George, she’s got it. By George, she’s got it. Now once again, where does it rain?
Eliza: On the plain! On the plain!
Higgins: And where’s that soggy plain?
Eliza: In Spain! In Spain!
Chorus: The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain!..
LikeLike
Anonymously, joked said:
Go back to Foxtel Jules. They’re all a slumber.
Nite nite.
LikeLike
Warrigal said:
She’ll have a booming boisterous family who will descend on you en masse
She’ll have a large Wagnerian mother with a voice that shatters glass
or better still…
In a line that never ends come an army of her friends
Come to chatter and to natter and to tell her what the matter is with you.
So…..
I’d prefer a new edition of the Spanish Inquisition than to ever let a woman in my life.
But later….
Her smiles, her frowns, her ups, her downs
Are second nature to me now. Like breathing out and breathing in (etc.)
“My Fair Lady” is a guilty pleasure of mine, ever since my Mum bought the London cast album when I was a kid. I’m to be found up late watching it in the dark. Same goes for “Hello Dolly”.
Now don’t any of you go spreading that about. I have a reputation to maintain.
LikeLike
Algernon said:
Ah Hung you are generous. Giving all the piglets your latest work as a birthday gift.
LikeLike
Hung One On said:
One never knows with Sandy young fella
LikeLike
H said:
Let those cricket balls sink, totally useless things…
LikeLike
Hung One On said:
Exactly H, totally useless
LikeLike
H said:
Hi Hung, back from the big smoke (Sydney), did lots of things: saw a silly sentimental movie (I liked the book), had a nice lunch with a tiny bit of shopping thrown in…
Gerard took daughter’s dog to the vet, looks like she’s been eating too much ham..
Anyhow I’m glad H’s right hand is being fixed; all this typing with with the left hand only, is giving me RSI…
LikeLike
Hung One On said:
H, you are truly admirable, Gez is a lucky but nervous man
LikeLike
atomou said:
I don’t know about “units,” Juls but it’s about a dozen smashable plates.
Good one Hoooooo! Glad you’re not doing naughty things with your sister!
But treat Belinda with care mate. She’s my sister!
And it’s Retsina, Demestica, for us Hellenicals!
LikeLike
Hung One On said:
No retsina however Greek food is the best ever
LikeLike
Hung One On said:
G, you know I will look after your sister, I mean anyone that can cook like that is worth it surely?
LikeLike
Julian said:
Verdelho? From a bubble? I don’t think so!
Retzina more like.
How many galactic units for a bottle?
LikeLike
Hung One On said:
500 GU a bottle depending on which planet you’re on
LikeLike
Julian said:
Cheers Hung..
And it will be. One on , won’t it? After a bottle of Ouzo, or Retsina at 500GUs. What’s the average wage there?
LikeLike
Hung One On said:
See you down the “.”
LikeLike