The image that was previously here was apparently based on an image claimed by Kenny Hyder of Chicago.
We offer our sincere apologies for this oversight
So, we are about to be zarking blown into kingdom come as the ICCB has us surrounded as we orbit Mars. “War cabinet” I cry into the ships intercom “Catherine, over to the control room, on the double” I demand of the central computer. “C’mon Belinda, honey, lets go, I ain’t dying and neither are you “.
Belinda and I cross the green. I note that Dave the guitar droid is playing “Sweet Surrender” by Tim Buckley from the pub balcony, not on your Nellie I think to myself. Boy, I’ve changed since I’ve been in space, become a rebel, a space Lord, blown up star ships and fallen in love, I might just write a book about this one day.
The Helvi-tastic meets us halfway to the control room. “Lord Climate” she says “Count me in, let’s fight”. Now after the fight with Lord Deaf Vision and his guards on the Death Ball that statement scares the zark out of me. “Okay, c’mon Helvi, war cabinet in the control room, we don’t have long” I reply in a half committed tone. “We kill and die heroes Sandy, lets go” states Helvi. Now I’m really scared.
Catherine enters the control room in her ship mode as a cat. Gee if only I had a shotgun handy, anyway, Catherine has calmed down now I reprogrammed her. Turned out to be not too hard. Da Catherine Code I called it and went something like this,
Procedure Global Keep_Calm
Define variable sedate, numeric
Set sedate: = 0
If Full_Blown_Arc_Up >= 3 then
Full_Blown_Arc_Up:= sedate
Else
Set sedate:= 0
Endif
If High_Level_PMT >= 3 then
High_Level_PMT:= sedate
Else
Set sedate:= 0
Endif
Exit
End procedure
“Okay” I start “Anyone got any ideas. I’m not gonna get killed and neither is anyone else” With that the crew roar “Aye”. Wow this is like the Australian cricket team. “We fight” howls Helvi, another roar goes up. “We die heroes and martyrs” she continues. The room suddenly goes silent.
“Well we could surrender. I’ve heard that they send you to a prison moon called Penal Erectus to live out the rest of your days” chips in Henry, the navcom. “Penal Erectus, sounds promising” quips Belinda “But anyway we are not giving up”.
“I know, why don’t I ring Gordon. He’ll tell us what to do?” I blurt nervously. “No Sandy” Belinda pleads “Lets get ourselves out of this mess we’ve got ourselves into”. I look over at Belinda, she has that unmistaken look of determination on her beautiful face and it instantly fills me full of pride and courage. “Anyone for a drink?” I question. “No” says Henry, “You’ll upset Jayell.”
“Now, now everyone” a rather calm and sedate Catherine states reassuringly “Lets not get too carried away” Gee I think I’ll have to set the parameters higher in that piece of code, she’s become too laid back. “You could always push that button over there and run for it” Catherine purrs rather laconically. “What button is that?” I query. “That one over there, on the second computer bank” Catherine informs.
I walk over to the computer terminal. It has a button on the left that says “If you want to make the ship invisible push this button”. Oh for zark sake, this is just farcical. I push the button, “Henry, run for it” and with that cry the ship accelerates vertically at high speed. We all hit the ground. Incredibly the ICCB opened fire just at that moment however we were gone and as they had us surrounded every missile fired hit another ICCB ship and were all destroyed. Amazing but true, well sort of.
Warrigal said:
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2010/0/04/2810088.htm?section=justin
Can you believe this? Life imitating art. I wonder if they’ve offered board positions to Thatcher, Hitler et al.
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nevillecole said:
Not sure i really understand what the zark is going on here…but i like it
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Hung One On said:
Me neither Nev, but let’s get the zark out of here
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Warrigal said:
I was watching “Family Guy” last night, (essential viewing for those looking for a coherent and crack up critique of modern American family life), and it occurred to me that there are strong similarities between what you write here, how the yarn is structured and how it topples from one crisis to the next, how the characters interact, and Seth MacFarlane’s writing style.
All you need to do is add in a few big musical production numbers and a talking dog and you’re home. Actually you’ve already created an unforgettable cast of unlikely characters. You don’t need the dog; but a big number, a la Busby Berkeley, with an evil chorus of high kicking ICCB batsmen and arm swinging bowlers while the main characters belt out a few show tunes hopeful of a brighter tomorrow.
You do know don’t you that there is already a movement afoot that holds Sandy in a kind of messianic regard. That sees him as the saviour of cricket many have been seeking but heretofore not found. You did know that didn’t you? Which means that as his creator, you’re god, not Gordon, who I suspect is just a “place keeper” for you.
As Michael Gambon used to say in The Singing Detective, “Am I right, or am I right?
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H said:
I haven’t seen a show called ‘Family Guy’, but I would gladly watch ‘The Singing Detective’ again. Now that was a show and an half.
(dear editor: is it ‘an half’ or ‘a half’?)
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Hung One On said:
Don’t watch Family Guy WM. Would love to attach music to the story
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Hung One On said:
Singing Detective was great.
H I think it is ‘a’
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Warrigal said:
The Great Batsman looked out from the holopro into the little classroom. The group to which he was the electric pedagogue was set out around his virtual self, their hypnopaedic headsets covering most of their little heads. His smooth reassuring fatherlike features and sparkling blue eyes, his avuncular tone filling the room with a drowsy somnolence.
He was intoning the Twenty Twenty scores from 2136 to 2150 and the children were following his every pronouncement, their little lips silently mirroring The Great Batsman. It was considered essential that all children learn, by rote, all the outcomes entered in “The Great Almanac” for it was only in an understanding of the interplay of tactics and strategy that a child would come to an understanding of The Great Game and the ICCB’s role in maintaining total social cohesion.
“2042 July 22. Republic of California def. Tuvalu Sous la Mer. by 6 wickets and 51 runs at Reykjavík.” said The Great Batsman with a certitude that denied any argument. He smiled and continued intoning the scores………
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Mirriyuula said:
That evening, in a grim airless room 20 levels below the basement of ICCB HQ, no less than 15 minor apparatchiks of the ICCB were summarily put to death for conspiring to provide incorrect autocue input to “The Great Batsman” during a hypnopaedia session for children. Their mistake, one which none of them would ever make again, was to input an incorrect date thus making The Great Batsman appear fallible.
Indeed it has been said by many recent historians that this seemingly insignificant mistake was the tiny seed that eventually erupted into the The Rain Delay Insurrection of 2276 when an umpire, waiting out the rain had suggested that if The Great Batsman had been infallible he would have known the Reykjavík game was in 2142. More importantly his average would have been a perfect 100. ICCB stooges dragged the umpire away for re-education but there were riots in the streets by the tea break.
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Hung One On said:
The Great Batman’s’ strikes a match against a post at the cricket club by the river. He lights a cigarette and deeply inhales the malignant fumes of a dried plant. “Hey young man” he cries rather desperately. “You know some things in life are just shit and somethings aren’t, so which one are you, shit or aren’t?”
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Warrigal said:
Definitely “shit”, me. But I try hard to keep it in check.
You’ve been a little testy yourself lately. Nothing wrong I hope. Tutu not making life difficult, life not making Tutu difficult; and all other possibilities of combinations of you Tutu, life and difficulties? Or am I reading signs that don’t exist? I do that often.
I’ll do you some more pictures. That may cheer you up a bit.
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Hung One On said:
Good receptive ability WM although it was an attempt at humor
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Julian said:
Presumably the inmates are force-fed oysters on ‘prison moon’?
Does that account for the name?
What do you think ‘ship mode’?
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Hung One On said:
JL, you will be very surprised by the next episode
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H said:
…and the winner in the Sci Fi section is: The one and only Hung One On!
(please share your winnings with your Art Director Warrigal Mirriyuula)
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Hung One On said:
Thank you H, I would like to thank Bulli Pass
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gerard oosterman said:
Hung One:
Penal erecticus sounds good.
Have you got a recipe for that?
Do you bake it in a pre-heated oven like a casserole or is it usually grilled?
Any sauce with it or just as it comes?
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Hung One On said:
No, you put it under your tongue
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atomou said:
But I still think you’re fun ny, Voice!
🙂 ): 🙂 ): 🙂 ):
Christ! Why am I up here at 8.10am, talking to fun ies?
I think it’s time to go looking for a life somewhere… What’s Mars like, Hoopla?
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atomou said:
Why didn’t the saddies appear?
OH, back to front spelling! Do that quite a bit these days, too!
😦 😦 😦
Oh, whatsahell!
xoxoxoxox (I know that lot much better!)
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H said:
When Hermes Mercury first popped up on UL, I of course thought it was Emmjay…
I once asked Doc if the waves took Hermes, and he replied calmy: Oh, is that where he disappeared!
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H said:
This is a reply to HOO…
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Hung One On said:
Yes I was trying to bait Doc but to no avail
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Hung One On said:
Hung goes by many names
Hoopla
Hoogley
HOO
Father O’Way
Gordon O’Donnell
Emmjay’s Little Brother
Pam from Bairnsdale
Hermes Mercury
DG O’Hoo
Cheers
Mark
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Hung One On said:
Bye bye WDAPW
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Hung One On said:
Gee I’m going back to UL
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Voice said:
Oh oh, HOO, you forgot to set a value for Irritated_By_Acronyms. Luckily Catherine is cool as. 😎
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Hung One On said:
Hey Voice, I thought of lots of different issues however I try to keep it under 750 words
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Emmjay said:
Well, Hung and Waz, You the Men. A sedated Cat routine. Priceless !
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Hung One On said:
Emmjay, If your cat is troubling you give it 5 grams of Panadol
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Voice said:
Censoring sensors in an eerie eyrie. Nice one Warrigal. 🙂
[BTW the symbol means ‘said with a smile’, not ‘look how funny I am’.]
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Hung One On said:
Hey VoR, I had all my code indented,honest
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