Cricket by Hung One On

Cricket, the game played all throughout the universe. I mean what would Christmas be if there were no cricket. Think about how sad we all would be. Lets face it without cricket Christmas would be cancelled. Cricket is bigger than God and dare I say even bigger than Elvis.

Now I can hear all wailing “Surely not bigger than Elvis” but yes, it’s true trust me. So the test match starts tomorrow at the MCG( Moronic Cricket Ground) , oh yes five days of sheer boredom mixed with skill and beauty, beer, sunshine, seagulls and of cause the ultimate bore in Richie Benaud. Why they trot Richie out every summer is totally beyond me. Surely we have all heard every opinion he has plus some. What a shame that the days are gone when one could listen to the ABC and watch the game on TV. Thanks to those spoiled brats at Channel Nine there is now a delay forcing us to listen to the repetitive drone of Ian Chappell, Bill Lawry and Tony Greig. Three of the biggest dingbats ever to play the game however what is worse is still to come in Shane Warne, a drip with ears if ever there was one. How’s this trick, Chappell sees the spinner doing his warm up routine but you can’t see that at home. He then grabs the mike “You know if I was the Australian captain I’d bring on the spinner”, next over the spinner comes on “You’re a genius Ian, still got what it takes” yeah right.

Now lets look at the team. After years of total world domination we are now the also rans and about time too. The only problem with the state of world cricket is the Poms, they are rated number one, how disgusting is that, we must do something about this, fire a letter off to the local member like Beryl or even better just beat the bastards.  Anyway the team. We are going through what they call a rebuilding phase. The only problem is no one has told Ricky Ponting and Mike Hussey. These yesterday men are holding out the future, driven by greed they have become an anathema, what ever that means. Then we have all the old players saying things like Ponting and Hussey have been such great servants of the game they can retire on their own terms. How ridiculous is that, can you see Ponting aged 90 fielding in the slips. The commentators also come up with this furphy, we need the older players experience to keep the team together, bullshit. If you get to 20 years old and you don’t all you need to know about cricket then you are never going to know, rocket science it ain’t, score more runs than them, was that hard, no didn’t think so.  This how silly the situation has become, Khawaja is dropped for not scoring enough runs but is averaging more runs in the last two years then Ponting, work that one out. Khawaja is the future, Ponting is the past. Time for the axe and that time is now.

Also lets look at Phil Hughes, treated so badly by the selectors he is now gone between the ears. You don’t score two centuries against South Africa in South Africa against the best pace attack in the world if you don’t have talent. Then some pommy bastard works him over in England all of a sudden there is a problem. Leave the kid in there, let him work it out but no the selectors jettisoned him like a piece of doggy do, now his problems are all mental. He will be back, bigger and better but no thanks to the pathetic bunch of mental crimps called the selectors.

The captain Michael Clarke is the second weakest link in the team behind the inconsistent openers. Yes he has made some good scores but fails when we need him most. Clarke needed to win the Hobart test against New Zealand. As a kid my coach taught me it is not just getting out but how and when you get out. Clarke needs to examine this part of his game. Steve Waugh or Alan Border would have won that game.

The wicket keeper in Brad Haddin is the worse wicket keeper I have seen play for Australia since Greg Dyer. Lets through to many byes and worse he is a sledger, I hate sledgers, they are weak bullies and are a blight on the game. We would bowl at their heads in my day and on mats that can be dangerous, get rid of him.

The bowling group looks good with Cummins and Lyon being great finds and the old saying is true bowlers win matches, batsmen save them. This young group looks like it has the ability to win us a few games. If we can get the batting group to be the same world dominance will occur again and more importantly we will beat those pesky pommies.