Report by Emmjay

Sports fans heaved a sigh of relief at the half-time whistle in the school holiday championships.  One prominent parent of a high school student was overheard in the locker room negotiating a performance enhancing supplement to get through the second week of the holidays without going on report for a spear tackle she made on her Jaidyn.

Other supplements in this weeks mindset included lomotil abuse.  Lomotil is not actually banned, but has been shown to only have marginal effects  on alleviating parental shits when the chant of “I’m BORED” is uttered one too many times.

It is easy to see the frustration on the faces of coaches this season with players who find it impossible to get around to cleaning up their crap, getting dressed, eating anything other than junk food or getting off their arses and going outside to reacquaint themselves with the big ball of fire in the sky.

Parents seeking refuge from domestic overload were well represented in the workplace this week with abnormally low absenteeism in all sectors but particularly education.  Vacation care workers packed down tightly and practiced their rolling mauls  – hoping to get over the line just once this season. However teams with skilled kickers tended to fare better when booting into the son sun.

There was no school holiday for the state premiers, their edumacation ministers and the federal government over implementing the Gonski report.  It was like a huge game of pass the parcel where everyone claimed to be in favour of the game, share its objectives, vote for apple pie and motherhood (except in the case of single sex marriages) etc, but nobody had thought of putting a present inside the wrapping paper.

Speaking of same sex marriages, human relationship mind setters were puzzled by  the curious happenstance of conservative British and Kiwi  governments approving legislation to afford gays and lesbians the same opportunity for marital misery as heteros.  One Pig’s Arms mindset reporter was alarmed by the excessive use of video footage of hairy-chested Kiwi brides tossing around corsages, however he suggested that the gays were even less decorous.

A few international events grew large in this week’s mindset.  A small number of deaths in spectacular circumstances in one part of the world possessed most of the mindset playing field; a large number of deaths in a minor league (that we were more interested in last year) failed to capture much mindset yardage this week.

No major sportscaster reported results from the Syrian civil war games this week and the conflict is definitely in danger of relegation to a lower division of western mindset consciousness.

And similarly, Oscar Pistorius failed to register in this week’s mindset, indicating that the global mind set appetite for bizarre superstar tragedy is in decline for the moment.

Sports fans are showing an increasing lack of interest in sham doping scandals amongst the football codes and doping agencies are showing a distinct lack of interest in swabbing the new Western Sydney round ball players who, through some miracle seem to have made it to the grand final in their first season.  Club officials are trying to sell the idea that the team’s stellar performance is mostly due to the massive fan base support but no fan has come forward to pee into a bottle for the team.

Redneck A-League shoot-out results in the US have shown yet again that an entrenched professional closed-mind set still beats an inspired amateur mindset without any doubt.  Contrasting this in the NSW National Park freestyle shooting events, results have been more mixed.  The amateur non-shooters seem to me grabbing a larger mindset share as the gun-totin troglodytes drill a few more cordite holes in their Kodiac boots.  Ballistic commentators have said that the O’Farrell refereeing is inconsistent and most probably severely wind-affected.  The spokesman for the “Fishing in National Parks” wing of the party was unavailable for comment and the sign on his door was definitive.

That’s all for this week, tune in again next week when we delve into the surprising lack of coverage of anti-Thatcher protest over the fact that she was not cremated at the stake.