Doggerel by Emmjay
There was shouting in the car park
And the word had got around that
The mad Syberian timberwolf was in the mood for a meal of hound.
He’’d been prowling round the back lot, hungry for a spat
And the local mongrel pit bull was certainly up for that.
It was true that our old Tony was fond of lashing out
And throwing muscly punches towards any left wing snout.
But the Mad Syberian timber wolf was also lean and mean
And liked to take his shirt off to show that he was keen.
He loped along the fence line, looking for his chance
He doubled back and forwards – an expectant rabid dance.
It is said that our old Tony was just trialthlete ham
And Vladimir, let’s make it clear, could scarcely give a damn.
So when Vlad’s team was caught out bad, a day we’ll not forget
When his Russian mid-range missile brought down Malaya’s hapless jet
Our good old team had come off bad; we’d lost dozens from our side
And it all came down to Tony to save some national pride.
So Tony to the plate stepped up and called the Vlad a dork
It was an act of provocation and not just casual chat
He said to Vlad that time had come to walk the fuckin’ talk
And Vlad was shocked to realise Tony had the balls for that.
In the back of the Pig’s Arms car park, Merv had organised a ring
Of chalk spread in the gravel – it was just an impromptu thing
But good enough for pugs like them to do their crafty sting.
There was clearly spit and vitriol, two haters full of hate
Muscling up and puffing up with a ridiculous strutting gait
And Tony being cagey thought he’d send poncy Vlad to heaven
But hadn’t figured in Vlad’s corner, was an AK-47.
The night grew late, the moon had riz
At the drive-in, lovebirds was rootin’
And Tony learnt the hardest way
Not to fuck with Putin.
algernon1 said:
You could have had them holding hands Therese.
But I had a good laugh none the less.
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sandshoe said:
They called for a bench press next..
Only ONE scoffed Tone
He never would succumb to reason
COURSE not you global epiglottis hawked Vlad
And grasped his ring (finger).
Get GOING screamed the Death Stare
As Tony backed down this slippery slope
DON’T let this BASTARD get ONE across you
I, the STARE, can show how it’s DONE
NO hands, not even my ring (finger).
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Googlehoover said:
Funny thing, I’d been thinking along much the same lines, ie, both men are dangerous narcissists with a penchant for bare chested self inflation and aggressive genital display, though my thinking had not reached anywhere as bleakly hilarious as your notion of a pub carpark smackdown.
And you’re right, when the whole thing is weighed and balanced, it really is a case of “You call THAT a dick?!?!”
I did get to a very dark place the other day though, wondering whether this might be the “Sarajevo” moment the world seems to be breathlessly waiting for.
Let’s not forget that while we’re all survivors of the MH17 media-horror-show, we are distracted from the Zionist Putsch as Israel continues their genocide in Gaza.
We can only hope that Mad Vlad’s masters, the plutocratic fascist russian energy barons, might want Europe’s energy cheques more than Mad Vlad needs to impale another western leader; and surely he would see Abbott and his Stepford Foreign Minister-Thing as little more than an irritation between his teeth; a stinking grot to be flicked out with the tip of his bayonet before getting back to the main game, plucking the main flight feathers off the American Eagle.
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Therese Trouserzoff said:
Thank you gh.
Reflecting on your Sarajevo comment, there’s a lot of debate about whether the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand really was a ridgy ridge reason for WWI to start. A hundred years later and the jury is still out, but I do suspect that the world was in a similar state of chaos as we have now. Only now the scale is monumental and the inter web tubes make it so much harder for totally incompetent leadership to hide, and easier for totally psycho fundamentalists to recruit simple minded people with a preference to simple violent solutions to complex problems.
It’s only in stone age countries that people choose to fight – mainly, I guess because they have nothing to lose.
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Big M said:
Nice work, Emmjay, like two peas in a pod, that pair, ‘cept one runs a super-power, whilst the other spends his time stopping boats. Neither requires much in the way of photoshopping or audio editing to produce decent comedic material.
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Therese Trouserzoff said:
Thank you, Big.
It was never a fair contest,
The pathetic lack of hair
Tony Trotted out Julie Bishop;
She pulled out the famed death stare.
But first bad Vlad capped Tony’s arse
And left him struck full dumb
Julie called Vlad “rather cowardly” – and a slimy commie crumb.
She fixed him with her steely glare
And withered him where he stood
The smallest shrivelled bag of balls
No more would he crack wood.
She eased off and the screaming stopped
Vlad calling for his mum,
She hawked a gob of spit at him
And said he was a bum.
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Hung One On said:
lol lol jesus mike
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Googlehoover said:
I’m with you Hung.
This neat little addendum has got me more f#cked up than the original. To extend your response, ROTFL!!!
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Hung One On said:
Google, Is ROTFL = Roll on the floor laughing? New to this.
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Big M said:
The response completes the ditty,
Our Emm, and ‘shoe, rather witty,
When gormless pricks,
Wave around their dicks,
The outcome potentially shitty!
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Hung One On said:
There once was a nurse called Mark
Who walked round the ward saying fark
[up to you sister]
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Big M said:
When confronted with a bedpan,
He reckoned he had a better plan,
Then chucked it out in the dark.
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Therese Trouserzoff said:
As always, Our Dear Hung, your chortle is my fine reward 🙂
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Hung One On said:
Well done Big 🙂
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vivienne29 said:
Rather good. He’s got Julie Bishop sorting it out in the UN in USA. Must be a verse or two there as well.
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Therese Trouserzoff said:
Agree Viv. Working on it over lunch 🙂
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Therese Trouserzoff said:
It’s just the thing, what luck it is
We’ve got the cosmic frowner
In Julie on the UN stage
and not Alexander Downer.
It could have been much worse for us
With that ineffectual fella
Or uglier by half a mile
With Sophie Mirabella.
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Googlehoover said:
Now you’re just toying with us…
Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
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sandshoe said:
Good work balladeering, Emmjay.
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sandshoe said:
In Tony’s corner a no-tricks show? Gosh and golly, I think not. Stupid might look thick on the ground at the moment in our Tony’s corner… but he wouldn’t be posturing like so without a buddy like Obama running up the Stars and Stripes behind him.
I’m across the idea that Tony’s strutting for a fight. Stupid coot.
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