True Story by Emmjay
Look, it was a well-motivated decision. Tough year on the family side – let’s get away so we don’t have to face Christmas here. And how about somewhere warm and swimmy ? And well, Australia is booked out, full of sharks and too expensive. And well, Bali …. How much would you trust the Indonesian security, police and court systems ? No, me neither.
So on a whim (and with the sound of Radio Birdman’s Aloha Steve and Danno ringing in my ears) we booked a 10 day stay at the Ilikai Hotel at the top end of Waikiki.
This was my first mistake – Christmas is when the school holidays are on…. and the cheap seats are massively booked out. Now, noise cancelling headphones can do a pretty fair job of drowning out the engines, but they are powerless to deal with infants who seem unable to cope with decompression at take-off and compression on landing. My god. No, let me help you change that nappy. No it’s no trouble, I was going to throw up anyway.
But wait… there were more mistakes to come….
Our second mistake was a decision that Jetstar cattle class was tolerable – especially since each ticket was $900 cheaper than the QANTAS flight which left five minutes earlier. Fortunately the good people at Flight Centre had included catering and entertainment options.
For those of us unfamiliar with Jetstar catering or non-catering, let’s just say that DIY snacks would be a major improvement. Truly awful, stone cold or incandescently hot curry-like things. And the coffee at dinner time was included, but not at any other time.
Entertainment – was, well, I took an iPad full of watchable stuff but FM chose to tough it out (i.e. try to sleep because the entertainment on offer was appalling). The flight crew announcements were more compelling.
I’m not saying that the crowding was terrible (because we paid for $25 worth of extra leg room … all the $45 extra leg room seats had been booked out weeks earlier). But let’s not kid ourselves that it was comfortable. I might have had sex, or at least exchanged body fluids with one of the other passengers, it was too close to tell.
But hey, it’s only a 9 hour direct flight !!! True, but Jetstar has managed to insert a useful adjective before the nine hours. You’ll recognise it immediately. It starts with Ex and ends with Cruciating. I think it’s fair to day that their nasty little strategy has killed off economy overseas air travel for us forever. Unless we fly business class and break the journey at say Singapore for a couple of days on route to Europe, we will not be flying overseas. They have us over a barrel. Holidays are supposed to be great, not a will-sapping thrash session that makes you equivocal about whether the plane goes down or not.
Tomorrow – Our Third Mistake…..
Yvonne said:
Oh, good grief, I face the long haul back home to Oz (from Italy), in a few weeks, and I’m just getting over the horror of those long flights! I decided to pay extra for premium Economy, but, at least on Lufthansa, save your money for tranquilisers! I have enough points for an upgrade to Business class for the longest leg. But, wait, I may not even score the upgrade, I shan’t know until I tremble up to the check-in counter. At my advanced years (almost an OBE), I’d sure appreciate that upgrade. You can start a book on my chances. 🙂
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Big M said:
I empathise. We did that a couple of years ago. Mrs M went business class, as she was post spinal surgery. Silly me went economy, with the screaming babies, and their inept mothers jigging them about, instead of feeding them. All the while my little movie screen jigged about whilst the elderly French lady in the next seat laughed and laughed. No ugrades for me, in spite of business being half full.
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Yvonne said:
Sigh! It’s so flippin’ far for us to get to a lot of places. Even travel within our own country is a long haul, often!
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vivienne29 said:
Oh dear ! A drive to Echuca sounds like heaven. Haven’t done any long haul flying since 1972 ! It was okay then. I’m staying put.
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Therese Trouserzoff said:
Hi Viv.
FM and I were discussing flying after she read the article. She flew overseas and in Australasia a lot with her early career jobs and she said that regardless of being economy class, it was never as squishy back then. Smaller planes – but way fewer passengers.
I said that when I first flew – to the UK as it turned out – 35 years ago – that the cabin crew treated one like it was a special life event to fly – which it was – costly and exclusive even in economy. And passengers dressed up a bit for the experience. Now, the economy staff act like they’re doing you a favour to even speak with you (yeah, yeah, not always, but back then it was lovely to be treated like …. wait …. a paying customer.
Having fellow travellers dress like it was a beach barbie or in their own lounge room is quite a distance from being an elegant experience. Little wonder the staff treat everyone like an airborne bogan. Thongs and shorts and singlets. Give me strength !
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algernon1 said:
Three years ago Mrs A’s mother died in WA. Got her onto a flight the next day. I flew over a couple of days later. I tried to book my flight over Qantas direct flight 8am (5 hours) then a two hour drive. Just as I’m about to book the Qantas site goes down. It came back later that day, but lo the only direct left was the 7am direct but Jetstar. Flew them to the Gold Coast and back a few years earlier and that was OK. Emergency exit row and a window what could go wrong!
Well it was a 737, had to buy food on board, an expensive ham and cheese toastie that tasted like something else and an iPad for entertainment. 5.5 hours of discomfort. Jetstar is OK on trips of an hour or two. But transcontinentals forget it. You have my sympathies there
Now Mrs A and I as well as Junior and the younger are going to Bali for a week in a few weeks. The choice was Jetstar, Virgin, Air Asia or Garuda. We chose Garuda as they fly A330’s instead of 737’s. Two aisle you can walk down and more toilets. It was cheaper too the day we booked than Jetstar and Virgin, but not air Asia (have problems with flying with cattle and geese).
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Therese Trouserzoff said:
Hi Algy.
I agree – an hour in the Jetstar bus to Melbourne or Bisvegas is tolerable. Just.
Many years ago we flew with Royal Nepal Airlines – from Dhaka in Bangladesh to Kathmandu and there were actual live chickens in bamboo cages in the aisle – as well as fans and air conditioners – stuff that was not available in Bangladesh. And people handed baskets of chewy lollies over the tops of seats down the rows towards the back. We sat in our seats after landing for an eternity – as it turned out, the then King was sitting in the 1st class seats and we had to wait until all the red carpet palaver was over.
Apologies for the Bali joke 🙂
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algernon1 said:
No offence taken Emm. It’s my third time to Bali. first for mum and dads 25th wedding anniversary, second time I flew Mrs A to Bali for Easter when I was working in Jakarta. I lived in Indonesia for a period during the First Gulf War. This time is for her birthday. Its our first OS trip in 25 years.
My second visit I flew first class to and from as it was only $20 more each way and I couldn’t be bumped off the flight. Flying to Bali wasn’t eventful but flying back there were only two of us. The other being a minor member of the Suharto family.
We’re thinking of a few trips OS over the next few years. The Elder is thinking of an extended stay in Europe in a few years, So I suspect we’ll go and catch up with her. New York is a place we’ve wanted to go to for 30 years and may do for our 30th wedding anniversary (pity it will be the middle of winter).
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Big M said:
We’ve done the Newcastle Melbourne Perth trip, with a redeye return. We thought a few beers at dinner time would put us all to sleep, but, no, there was one pair who buzzed for drinks every hour, and were served by a hostess who’s hips were a couple of cm narrower than the aisle, hence frequently bumping my elbow. More exhausting than working nights.
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algernon1 said:
I’ve done the red eye once and never again. I was commuting between Perth and Sydney for work. Had been booked with my boss on the 3:15pm which would get in about 10:30pm. Just in time for a good night sleep then be able to take the Father in law back to the airport the next morning. Mrs A about 8 months pregnant at the time. Unfortunately a meeting came up which meant that one of us had to stay, guess who.
Had a similar experience to you Big M, tried to nod of but they bought the trolly around to serve a meal. At 1 am! There were those who were content to drink for the whole trip as well.
In the end Mrs A had to drive the father in law to the airport. I ended up falling asleep in the car on the return trip.
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Big M said:
Airlines do some funny things. When I flew to America, we were all woken at some udodly hour for a mini pizza and a glass of wine. Of course, I can never sleep, so was grateful!
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