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From our North American Correspondent, Neville Cole
Ted.1 (The Begats)
[1] Verily, thus reads the book of the generation of Ted Cruz, the son of Jesus Christ himself.
[2] Jesus begat (by holy virgin birth) Teddy; and Teddy begat Englebert; and Engelbert begat Elvis; and Elvis begat Sonny;
[3] And Sonny begat Fidel and his brethren, about the time they were carried away to Cuba:
[4] And after they were brought to Cuba, Fidel begat Ramon; and Ramon begat Pedro;
[5] And Pedro begat Xavier; and Xavier begat another Jesus; and here’s where it gets tricky because Jesus begat Jesus Jr.;
[6] And Jesus Jr. begat Jesus III; and thankfully Jesus III begat Diego; and Diego thought about starting up the whole Jesus thing again but ended up begatting Rafael who became the husband of Eleanor, of whom was born Ted, who is called Cruz.
[7] So all the generations from Jesus to Ted are fourteen generations (give or take a Jesus or two).
[8] Now the birth of Ted Cruz was on this wise: When as his mother Eleanor was espoused to Rafael, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost.
[9] Then Rafael her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a public example, was minded to get the hell out of Cuba.
[10] But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Rafael, thou son of Diego, fear not to take unto thee Eleanor thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost.
[11] And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name TED: for he shall save his people from their sins.
[12] Now all this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet, saying,
[13] Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Rafael Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us.
[14] Then Rafael Bienvenido being raised from sleep did as the angel of the Lord had bidden him, and took unto him his wife:
[15] And knew her not till she had brought forth her firstborn son: and he called his name TED.
Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle 
Thanks for the best belly laugh I’ve had for well at least 5 minutes. Terrific stuff Neville, you are pure genius mate. 🙂 May Gordon be with you.
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Dove:
10 Feb 2016 10:28:04am
“Even if it doesn’t result in any savings it will provide some marvellous post-parliamentary careers for those responsible, in the parent company of the successful bidder. It’s not so much privatising pubic services but privatising the retirement of politicians”
,,,,,,,
(good comment but there is something missing:)
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Guess I’m on the wrong page! Sorry Neville, but I hope you will appreciate the humour. 🙂
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Looks like something out of the Book of Morons, Nev, wonder if he wears the secret undies or is God of his own planet. Perhaps we could ask Elders Bush and Trump
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Jesus seems a bit stiff a la the Boss, Emmjay anyway so I reckoned in a flash of inspiration mind, Jeeze, Nev. Unsure about commas, but let’s not be obsessive and press on as surely as a polly does palms. Jeeze,
Nev, jeeze Nev. The scholarship. I clung to it like a rat to a flying boomerang the first part of the way and truly, I beget a great cloud of mossies or they beget me chasing after me sitting still because I’m a farmer now and there’s water round. Yeah I had the sprinkler on for hours last night laying the dust.
While you’re writing up the begetting now you’ve become a genealogist of the rich and famous post Pigs’, I’ll still be farming (gardening my acre), Nev. It’s a given but I do have to get moving lest the mossies carry me off to a premature death in a jiffy. Jeeze, Nev, I love ya stuff. I’ll finish reading it when it is coola, coolabah time, ice and beer, get it mate, nudge, you know the conditions, no it’s not a secret message, I’m hot and bothered. I think differently by the way about begetting now I’m farming.
Serves you right. You waffled on yourself like a drunk piglet in a brothel. 😉
That campaign over there, over there, it’s crazee, we hear about it all the time. Very scary stuff, dear Nev. Thank you for keeping your finger on that pulse for us at the Arms. 😀
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‘shoe, I’m of the opinion, as ahh wuz raised a God fearin’ white Protestant fella, that begattin’ ‘n’ commas, ‘n’ so’on, go hand in glove, like lawn mowin’ ‘n’ sweatin’, or post lawn mowin; ‘n’ sippin’ on a glass canoe, Foodge style.
Nice to hear that you are enjoyin’ tillin’ the soil ‘n’ growin’ for yerself.
Idda known nuthin’ ah alla this but for Mr Cole. There was summit on the ‘puter, some ‘tube’ thing, but the feller had a fox on his head, and he reckoned all Mexicans to be rapists and murders. I got relatives from Victoria an’ ah can assure you they not.
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The commas and such as I use them in the gospel were preferred by king James. I am certain his copywriter was a huge drunk
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I am hearin’ you brother Big M. I am hearing you, Brother Nev. I am movin’ to the commas now. I’m gettin’ the beat. Bit thin on the begettin’. Never mind. I’m farmin’. 🙂
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It’s painful.
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Jesus, Nev. And we thought we think we have trouble here in Oz. Jesus, H ! Now we’re well and truly begat.
Many thanks for your generous geaneology !
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Cruz has convinced the super christian right that he is indeed on “a mission from god” (kind of like Jake and Elwood Blues).The revelation of his gospel was just a matter of time. Hopefully as the general election nears his true nature will be revealed… i don’t believe this country is really interested in turning back the clock. But, one thing for sure, it’s going to be a crazy campaign (quite possibly historically nuts). I have more gospel to follow and, as North American Correspondent emeritus I will do my best to keep the Arm’s patrons updated on important events.
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