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Well, what can one say about Rouge and the boys.
Episode Number: 51 and a bit.
“Hey, for fuck sake” says Foodge in his usual nonchalant manner to the point where sleep seems to be the best option. “You know that dickhead Hung One On, well he predicted what that bloody Ethelbert IronInset[1] bloke and his theory of non-continuity said would happen, no flow, no logic and really no story line. You know I think Hooster(common alias for Hung One On) is related to our lovable D.G. O’Hoo cause both are usually pissed on Trotter’s most of the time” he eloquently informs the patrons at the bar, just like an expert. Trouble for poor old Foodge is that an expert knows a whole lot about very little.
“Ya bloody joking” interjects O’Hoo “what’s this most of the time, I’d take umbrage at that if I knew what that meant”
“Look mate, this is reality here at the Pigs Arms and your response was written into the script so shut up an stop using up the word limit. You know that Rouge and Emmjay are bastards if the story goes to on two [sic] long as the customers will be drunk by the time this story finishes, comprehendre?” FFS[2] thinks Foodge
“Well where is dem[sicer] too[sicest] dingoes anyway?” thought bubbles O’Hoo.
“Hey Merv, O’Hoo needs a few more glass canoes” opines Foodge. “Never new[getting sicer] he could even think. They are on their way to Newcastle on the express train run by the gubbermint so they should get there in a couple of weeks or so. They wanna talk to Gib W”
“There on the steam express?” asks O’Hoo.
“Nah mate, drugs probably” laments Foodge as he secretly reminisces about his own dangerous past of drug abuse with paracetamol, thiamine and glucosamine, for what, a stuffed liver and trying to make a living hunting dangerous criminals like fine defaulters or four wheel drive owners, ah well, one can’t have everything in life. Definitely was never the booze, anyhoo read this and weep.
“Fuck”
“Piss”
“Shit”
“So do you want to kill him?” asks O’Hoo as he fiddles with something in his pocket, a gun for sure right.
“Everything is on the table for discussion DG but please never actually ask for answer”
Authors Notes
[1] Hmm, was this quip too easy?
[2] Many thanks to the delightful Annabel Crabb for this one.
[3] I challenge anyone that has read the Foodge series to try and explain what it is really about. I haven’t got a clue.
Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle 
A few of us getting together in the bar and round about that’s worth a One one two two Buckle my bedaisies this is such wonderful nonsense featuring Foodge, Big M was it or did Hoo push pen this time?
Saw most of Tony Jones’ interview of Cleese and Idle and I ackshally felt I learned something about writing non-sense as Idle said waving his hand to show the emphasis. Unsure til I get on in and write some more or find some. 🙂
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Hi Shoe, it was me. The Foodge story, if you can call it that suits my absurd writing style. I’m writing again after a bit of a block so I thought I may as well have a go at Foodge.
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I arrived tomorrow when taken the train Bowral-Sydney last week. One wombat and the whole system broke down. The Station master was studying the race guide.
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Ok. I like this game.
How much information can you give about things (related or unrelated) in an illogical sentence(s) by using as less words as possible?
(I’m still trying to figure out yours, Gerard)
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Gerard is right hph, arriving yesterday can save heaps of stuff like, um, er, yeah right. 🙂 Anyway the train ended up at Braidwood, which by the way forgot to install a station or for that matter track as well. And because Harry Potter wasn’t there everyone went down the pub and got pissed tomorrow last week.
Anyhoo, don’t worry about facts unless you know what they mean. 🙂
Thanks for reading my story.
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I’m 6 foot 2 🙂
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Six foot two, or six foot as well?
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Two. But not as pretty. And my colour is Blue. 🙂
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I’m two inches shorter. Cut off at the knees maybe.
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I have six feet, I mean, am six feet, as well, not two, or too.
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I have six shoes but I don’t wear them all at once.
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I lost my midnight blue slippers and my hops are as tall as 5 metres in the garden.
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I am six foot two too too.
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I was sicks foot and lame once. Now I’m Ok.
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I’m a bit fat and 2 and a bit short of a 6 in the shade too I look speckly if it’s a tree.
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My name sometimes seems to appear on these Foodge thingies, but I’m buggered if I know what’s going on.
I’ll keep my eye out for the Newcastle Flyer, and pick them up in the Zephyr. I’ll bring the shot gun.
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Accidently caught the flyer last year. Train was late from Penrith and just jumped on a Newcastle train. Couldn’t work out why nobody was getting off at my stop. Sent 30 minutes in Woy Woy waiting for the train back. Lovely trip, a 3 hour trip home from work and a 130 km detour.
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It’s pretty bloody slow! two hours and forty can get stretched out to seven hours (OK that’s extreme, but it has happened). I still would have picked you up, sans shot gun.
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But it’s a pleasant journey with the great unwashed Big. Took a trip to Port Stephens on one of the Limiteds. It was when you could catch the train all the way to Newcastle Station. Had the ticket checked twice on the journey.The bus to Port Stephens from Newcastle was like something out of Little Britain. “Are you a LOCAL”. A stranger catching their bus how odd.
A proper high speed service should have the trip in about an hour or a bit over. But that would mean spending money wouldn’t it.
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We flew to Brisbane this week for an overnight stay. It would be easy enough to have light rail from Broadmeadow (which is effectively the transport ‘hub’) to the airport, then on to Port Stephens/Nelson Bay, but I expect that there isn’t much political will. Contrast with Broadmeadow to Maitland which will stay on heavy rail, because it shares with coal/goods and the Country link, but still runs 50 year old stinky diesels.
I think that the Sydney-Newcastle train can’t be exceeding 70 to 80 ks for most of the trip. In Europe the same sort of country train would be pulling about 150!
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Perhaps they could reintroduce the old 38 class steam trains Big. They’ve been known to do the trip in just over 2 hours. In fact the fastest trip now is still slower than the 1930’s. I guess the point is the alignment hasn’t changed since then. Even the rolling stock is nearly 50 years old in some cases. Political will would be everything. Instead we have a government that thinks you can have different types of trains that can’ run on the same tracks. Something that could benefit from a light rail forget it. They only run where the developers want them to.
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Yes, Algy, the 3800s were still running in the 70s, only to be replaced by electrics that were clapped out within ten years.
The pundits want light rail to run up Hunter st to replace the heavy rail. A bicycle and a car can barely pass already. There’s only about 400 empty buses a day running along there already.
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Didn’t the shopping move out of that area a long while ago to the suburbs. I must admit the new bus routes in Sydney have improved things. But when the toy train finally runs down George Street the whole city will come to a standstill. I’ll be working at Penrith one day a week fairly soon. I get the right connections it will take me just under an hour. Benefit of a mountains train each way at Strathfield. If it stuffs up though you can nearly double that.
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Shops moved out years ago. A good little restaurant/bar/pub precinct is opening up, but few people would go every day. I regard the the defunct length of line as walking distance, but a minority of whingers expect public transport to be completely door to door.
It’s easy enough in Sydney to get to a station on the city circle that’s close enough to most places.
Good luck with Penrith. We toyed with the idea of catching the train there when Dad was at Nepean Hospital. Didn’t stack up with three people taking the car.
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Probably easier too given Nepean is at Kingswood and trains there are a lot slower. The elder was at Western Sydney and caught the train to Kingswood. Go a lot done on the train trips. The last semester though she drove most days. I could drive there in about 40 minutes if I want to pay $17 each way in tolls then have to find a park. $4.52 each way on the train if I leave at the right time makes more sense.
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‘Probably easier too given Nepean is at Kingswood…’
Just realised my mistake…thought that entire area was called Penrith.
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Marvelous 🙂
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Thanks Ace, the next exciting episode is apparently exciting, I just haven’t written it yet.
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I know exactly what’s happening, but I’m not sharing.
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Cheers Yvonne, you my friend are truly a genius. I agree, it’s wise never to share any understanding of Foodge to anyone at any time, it may get you sectioned.
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It just doesn’t matter if we know what’s going on. It’s good fun.
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I’m with you on this one Viv
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Granny to Merv: What’s this stuff in the bucket, Merv ?
Merv: Oh, Goodness Cripey me, Granny. It looks like a bucket of umbrage. O’Hoo ordered it.
Granny: I remember. He said he was taking umbrage at you playing “I remember you” on endless loop on the Wurlitzer.
Merv: I like Frank Ifield.
Granny: Exactly. What do you want me to do with the umbrage.
Merv: Emmjay says it’s to be taken.
Granny: With a grain of salt ?
Merv: Thanks. I’ll remember yoooo.
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🙂 🙂 🙂
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Soon as I read I remember yooooo first (see whether it was worth going to the beginning see) I got an ear thingy and started to sing the thing in my head and then read back and read Frank Ifield and hardly dared to read more and pissed myself when I read endless loop on the Wurlitzer but felt a bit like cutting my ear off or maybe my head lol
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