Neville Cole – Emeritus North American Correspondent graces our fair pub

Ted.2: The Three Wise Men of Texas

[1] Now when Ted was born in Calgary of Alberta in the days of Trudeau the King, behold, there came wise men from the land of Texas,

[2] Saying, Where is he that is born King of the Cruz? For we have seen his lone star all the way from the Alamo, and are come to worship him.

[3] When Trudeau the king had heard these things, he was troubled, and all leftist Canada with him.

[4] And when he had gathered all the chief lawyers and scribes of the people together, he demanded of them where Cruz should be born.

[5] And they said unto him, In Calgary of Alberta: for thus it is written by the prophet,

[6] Then Trudeau, when he had privily called the wise men, inquired of them diligently what time the star appeared.

[7] And he sent them to Calgary, and said, Go and search diligently for the young child; and when ye have found him, bring me word again, that I may come and worship him also.

[8] When they had heard the king, they departed; and, lo, the star, which they saw in the East (or maybe it was the West, it was hard to tell exactly), went before them, till it came and stood over where the young child was.

[9] When they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceeding great joy.

[10] And when they were come into the house, they saw the young child Ted with Eleanor his mother, and fell down, and worshipped him: and when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto him gifts; gold, and frankincense, and disposable diapers.

[11] And being warned of God in a dream that they should not return to Trudeau, they departed into their own country another way.

[12] And when they were departed, behold, the angel of the Lord appeareth to Rafael Bienvenido in a dream, saying, Arise, and take the young child and his mother, and flee communist Canada and go into the free and god-fearing land of Texas, and be thou there until I bring thee word: for Trudeau will surely seek the young child to destroy him.

[13] When he arose, he took the young child and his mother by night, and departed into Austin in the land of Texas where Cruz was safe from harm because he and his family were armed to the teeth.