Story by Mark

Foodge had a worried look on his face as he entered the front bar of the Pigs Arms. He cast his eyes around and notes the usual crowd is in, all probably trying to stay out of the rain and the warmth of the open fire this time of the year is very comforting and addictive.

“Canoe of Trotters Best pleas” requests Foodge.

“Piss off dickhead” replies Merv.

Well, poor old Foodge was taken aback. While his memories of last night and in fact of most last nights was a little hazy, he could not remember insulting, abusing or assaulting any one which in itself is odd.

“Wots your problem Merv?” asks Foodge.

“Gawn, fuck off” continues Merv in his usual laconic style. You know the type, attack first ask questions later, hmm, yes, very laid back indeed.

“What…” says Foodge but Merv pipes in.

“Hey Foodgy, like my new way of creating some controversy at the beginning of the story to keep folk interested?” inquires Merv.

“Well different I suppose but then again this is the Pigs Arms. Anyway Merv old boy there is something wrong with rock” says Foodge as he takes a long draw of beer to help calm his nerves after Merv’s new way of making friends and influencing people.

“Well ask a bloody geologist not me, I’m just a dumb waiter” laughs Merv unable to control himself.

“No, rock and roll you goose. Meathead had to fall over on stage to get noticed and seeing that he had two hits 40 years ago maybe that’s his new stage act, I dunno. Then my favorite band Bled Kremlin have been charged with playger something that means ripping off someone’s song” replies Foodge rather long windily not realising that the author is a lousy typist.

“And two great songs they were” interjects Nurse Barbara “two beauts just like mine” as she flashes her delightful front verandah to the cheers of the crowd, no PC here thanks.

“Yeah, wot was they, a song about a girl and another song about a girl” laughs

Sister Yvonne as she takes another drag of her smoke then downs a tequila shooter and a beer. Oh yes, we are all equal at the Arms. “Wot about you Hung, ewe gorgeous arsed little creature?”

“It’s the gubbermint trying to repress the working class with neo fascist chemical weapons juxtaposing the syntax of the modern day man.” Gordon bloody O’Donnell, why did anyone ask him.

“It’s fucking homophobia” says Gib W “perpetrated by the main stream media. Anyone seen Angler.”

“I’m on holidays and I’m not in this episode” says Angler.

“Oh, come on then hph. Me you and Hung can go and shoot some commies or even better some neo-cons” says Gib.

“No fanks, I prefer more beer” replies hph.

“Actually me too. Merv drinks all round. Put it on Father O’Way’s tab pleas.” says Gib.

Cheers all round from the crew.

“Shut up you lot. It says Foodge Episode 70.125 – Nothing is Real at the top of the page so it’s my story. This is important. The neon-fascist regime, otherwise know as ABBA fans, are out to get us” implores Foodge.

“Well Bled Kremlin have form, it isn’t like they have never done what ever that word is before” says Sister Yvonne.

“Well” says Nurse Barbara “If the riff to Staircase to Kevin’s has been around for ages how come Bled Kremlin were allowed to copyright it in the first place?”

Silence falls upon the Arms to the point a pin dropping and hitting the floor could heard down the road and round the corner.

Game, set, match.