Merv wants a Mug.
Oh what a glorious day, hmm, the sun has risen, well about 6 hours ago and life is under way in it’s usual manner. Merv rises from the love tub and saunters into the front bar.
“Granny, I want a mug from now on” orders Merv.
“Fark ewe, they is two ex-pensive” replies Granny.
“Well how ex-pensive are they?”
“Well think of ex-pensive then add a shit load more. I’ll take you down to the mug shop, I’m sure you have been there before” continues Granny.
So off they trod down the road and around the corner to the Mug Shop. Merv immediately realises that he has been coming here well, is your whole life a lot?
Granny takes Merv to the mug counter. Please take a ticket the sign says so Granny retrieves one.
The ticket says Thank you. You have been countered and will be taken as mug No:142.
Hmm, thinks Granny, something ain’t right here seeing it’s only me and Merv.
A man appears from behind the counter. “Number 141” then after a pause “Number 143”
“Hay, wot’s goin on ear, me and Merv are 142!!” demands Granny.
“Sorry, have you been taken for a mug lately?” asks the man.
“Wot?”
“Sorry, only odds today” says the man “however I suppose you do look a bit odd and I suppose I’ll break every rule in the book and serve you.”
Bloody hell thinks Granny, what have I got myself into here.
“Now Sir Merv. You seem to have mugness down to a fine art attending here with your daughter and still in your night attire, a true mug if ever, what type of liquacious receptacle are you looking for?” smarts the man.
“WTF, I sleep in the bollocky”
“Then you are in not only trouble but really big trouble. No where in the text above says that you actually got dressed, out of love tub, sauntered into bar, came down to shop, wow, you are one crazy mug.”
“Shit mate sell me a mug will ya, crown jewels and all that” pleads Merv.
“Well mate I can bullshit all day and make you spend lots of money but the best mugs are made by O’Nwee from Iunne and are only 20 bucks. Whaddya say? Deal or no deal?”
“Deal”
[Sound of Pleece siren under the Doppler effect times 4]
“Hold it, hold it” says Sargent Sulphate of the Mug Squad for the Inner Cyberian Pleece. “The gubbermint now attaches a surcharge of 10 bucks on any mug.”
“Hey, that ain’t fair, 10 is one more than 9” injects Hung from the commentary box.
“Yes but 1 less then 11” replies the copper.
“Okay, sounds a good deal to me” agrees Hung.
Hmm, would have got it cheaper at McBunurphys, thinks Granny. A day in the life…
Mark said:
Reblogged this on Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle and commented:
This is close to one of my favourites. It came from when Tutu and I went out for a coffee and when served I was asked if I wanted a mug. That was the spark and it reminded me of when we would go to the SCG from the Gong to watch test cricket. Someone in the crowd would inevitably call out, have a go ya mug. How the rest of the story developed is beyond me.
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sandshoe said:
In the wonderful ‘Buy An Argument’ style, a tradition enhanced. Well done you, Mark. You can anon but your stylish pen cannot hide.
Saved my bacon in fact. Getting to bed with an image I glimpsed on telly I needed to replace. This has done the trick. I’m off to snuggle down and consider the propositions I’ve drawn from this great democratic author’s work. One mug is as good as the next comes to mind. 🙂
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Mark said:
Thanks Shoe. I think this is a common experience for all of us.
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sandshoe said:
Love your work. I told a visitor at my neighbours about this piece and last seen tonight she was excited as she found something worth reading. 🙂
You make me proud. It’s not false pride, Mark. Wonderful to feel pride in someone’s classic nonsense. x
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Mark said:
Wow, thank you Shoe, what wonderful praise. Thank you very much.
I do appreciate others having a laugh and a quick relax after all the other serious stuff in the world. I grew up on 60’s and70’s British comedy and I love to write ridiculously.
Thank your friend for me and I will try and keep them coming a bit more frequently. I’ve gained a new technique for writing, its called sit down and write it!! 🙂
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Therese Trouserzoff said:
Hung, another whimsical masterpiece. Taken for a mug. Priceless ! Many thanks – can’t start the week with anything better than a ear to ear grin. Bless you and my finest regards to the Father.
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Mark said:
Cheers boss
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algernon1 said:
You pinched my picture (which I pinched of the interweb). A good deal all round.
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Mark said:
Doesn’t it take you back nearly old fella?
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algernon1 said:
A week or two ah the memories.
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vivienne29 said:
A sequel perhaps – a jug.
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Mark said:
I was going to try sarcophagus 🙂
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Big M said:
We all like jugs.
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algernon1 said:
Balomba
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Big M said:
Where does Merv get these outrageous ideas, mugs? Next it will be all hogsheads and beer steins.
Nice work Sister Hung.
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Mark said:
Ex-pensive is over the budget of zero. Fanks mate.
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Yvonne said:
You have a demented mind, and I like that.
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Mark said:
Many thanks Sister Yvonne. Your comments have been forwarded to the author whoever that is. 🙂
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Yvonne said:
It was Anon, I think.
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Mark said:
I think Anon has a nursing tale coming up, I ran into him at the pub, legal issues are now underway, so little time…
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