Simulated Mug

Simulated Mug


Merv wants a Mug.

Oh what a glorious day, hmm, the sun has risen, well about 6 hours ago and life is under way in it’s usual manner. Merv rises from the love tub and saunters into the front bar.

“Granny, I want a mug from now on” orders Merv.

“Fark ewe, they is two ex-pensive” replies Granny.

“Well how ex-pensive are they?”

“Well think of ex-pensive then add a shit load more. I’ll take you down to the mug shop, I’m sure you have been there before” continues Granny.

So off they trod down the road and around the corner to the Mug Shop. Merv immediately realises that he has been coming here well, is your whole life a lot?

Granny takes Merv to the mug counter. Please take a ticket the sign says so Granny retrieves one.

The ticket says Thank you. You have been countered and will be taken as mug No:142.

Hmm, thinks Granny, something ain’t right here seeing it’s only me and Merv.

A man appears from behind the counter. “Number 141” then after a pause “Number 143”

“Hay, wot’s goin on ear, me and Merv are 142!!” demands Granny.

“Sorry, have you been taken for a mug lately?” asks the man.


“Sorry, only odds today” says the man “however I suppose you do look a bit odd and I suppose I’ll break every rule in the book and serve you.”

Bloody hell thinks Granny, what have I got myself into here.

“Now Sir Merv. You seem to have mugness down to a fine art attending here with your daughter and still in your night attire, a true mug if ever, what type of liquacious receptacle are you looking for?” smarts the man.

“WTF, I sleep in the bollocky”

“Then you are in not only trouble but really big trouble. No where in the text above says that you actually got dressed, out of love tub, sauntered into bar, came down to shop, wow, you are one crazy mug.”

“Shit mate sell me a mug will ya, crown jewels and all that” pleads Merv.

“Well mate I can bullshit all day and make you spend lots of money but the best mugs are made by O’Nwee from Iunne and are only 20 bucks. Whaddya say? Deal or no deal?”


[Sound of Pleece siren under the Doppler effect times 4]

“Hold it, hold it” says Sargent Sulphate of the Mug Squad for the Inner Cyberian Pleece. “The gubbermint now attaches a surcharge of 10 bucks on any mug.”

“Hey, that ain’t fair, 10 is one more than 9” injects Hung from the commentary box.

“Yes but 1 less then 11” replies the copper.

“Okay, sounds a good deal to me” agrees Hung.

Hmm, would have got it cheaper at McBunurphys, thinks Granny. A day in the life…


Granny fudging oops doing the accounts

Granny fudging oops doing the accounts