Story by Sandshoe.
Hon Shades was head down sideways on the car park bitumen and some would say arse up. Something held her attention. Under her Chrysler Merv could see that and he wouldn’t say what I just did about Hon’s rear end. Merv certainly knew an arse up from a pair of well rounded buttocks projected skywards.
He knew they were Hons’.
Merv recognised the rubber ripple tread soles of her special golf shoes she had tucked together under her for support to hold her own rear chassis up and not too far under they couldn’t be seen. Knees splayed for extra traction on a creased portion of a blue camper’s ground sheet she was trying to ferret out something or get to it.
“What’s up, Hon?” Merv called. He made a bit of noise with his feet on the gravel to let her know it was him.
“Who’s that!”
It was more of an exhaled grunt and a gasp than words but Merv got the gist.
“Me,” he said, unnecessarily as it turned out. Hon had gotten herself up and out clear of the sweep of the car line her head was disappearing under. Her muscular thighs propelled her onto her feet in a twist and a leap of the singular muscle that was Hon.
The arm projecting in front of her shoulder was transformed in a classic block and the other raised. Her fist clenched.
“Christ, Merv, it’s only you.”
“You were goin’ to deck me one, Hon.”
“One’s conservative, Merv. I was gonna thrash whoever it was black and blue.”
Merv looked crestfallen.
“Didn’t mean to get your goat up, Hon. What are you doin’? Thought you were at the tournament. You said other day.”
Hon threw herself back down on the tarp and grunted as she resumed the same posture and reaching into the unseen under the chassis of the big yellow Chrysler. She was in it to win it, Merv told Foodge later. Foodge sucked on a lozenge and didn’t comment straight off. He was hands on a big case in court.
Idle curiosity rarely got Foodge best of times.
“Merv, what was she doin’?”
“She dropped a packet of ball bearings and the packet split,” Merv said. He licked a dollop of froth off his top lip. “Think I was a bit vigorous pouring this beer, mate but it’s nicely cold and wet. It’s doin’ the trick.”
Foodge stared at Merv. “Uncle Merv, I can’t ever remember you havin’ a beer.” He swirled his glass of Milo in a gesture like people do when they’re not sure what’s going down but want to mix it so the Milo isn’t frothed separate only on the top of the milk.
“Foodge, I’m a proud man to hear a big shot you are these days calling me Uncle Merv”. Tears had sprung into his eyes yet Merv wasn’t one to squander on sentiment at any bar. Maybe because it was the front bar at the Pig’s Arms where the real story was played out all those years before Foodge wasn’t a baby at all as expected, but arrived a full grown adult off the train. Not even the Sports Bar was ever off-limits to him.
Merv’s Granny’s brother built a playpen-style gate even to fence the Sports Bar off ready for the expected littl’un but so Foodge could see through the rungs of course when Emmjay decided to adopt the new baby, Foodge that is.
Foodge looked tearful. Turned out he got some Milo up his nose and sneezed. “Ahh,” he said, snuffling like he was always a new born and the very tip of his nose moist with a speck of Milo on it, “Merv, why’d Hon Shades have a packet of ball bearings?”
“Dunno” Merv said, staring in front of him into thin air. “Hon’s got lots goin’ on up top. Never know what extra hours she’s puttin’ in, cash in hand, there’s always somethin’. Hon’s an ace mechanic.”
Big M said:
I love a well rounded pair, or a muscular thigh, for that matter. In fact, laughed me guts out. Next it will be sprockets, or bevel gears.
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sandshoe said:
Hahaha. All things are possible.
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sandshoe said:
I love these two posts HAHAHA. How decadent. Different editorial choices. 🙂
Don’t know what I laughed aloud most at though. Vivienne’s yarn about the BALL BEARINGS! YeowwwhahahaHAHAHA.. That is amazing. I thought I was talking pure unadulterated shit. HAHAHA.
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vivienne29 said:
Shoe, the noise was magnified in the cabin and it was like a surround sound. You never talk shit !
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sandshoe said:
This is best news. 🙂
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vivienne29 said:
So glad Hon is so supple. Great word picture.
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sandshoe said:
Thanks Viv. Thank you, thank you. 🙂
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vivienne29 said:
Ball bearings – amazing. About 18 years ago I was in charge of a gifted 20 something year old Datsun which had only done 60k. Car was to be for daughter No.1. But things started to go wrong with bits falling off it (had not been used for a few years). After one problem was repaired another appeared – strange noises when doing a hard turn or up/down steep hills. What the hell was it. After much thought open up the bonnet and lo and behold in the rim were 20 or so loose ball bearings. Idiot mechanic left them there. The noise was them rolling back and forth. Problem solved. But I never knew where they came from! Later the water pump fell out of the bottom. We traded it in. It was good as new except for the bits which kept falling off.
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algernon1 said:
I learnt to drive on a Datsun 1600. Great little burner, ran on the smell of an oily rag.
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vivienne29 said:
I learnt to drive on a Vauxhill Viva – very snazzy and british racing green.
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Mark said:
I always used to joke that my Datson 180B was my company car.
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Big M said:
I’ve owned both a Datsun Bluebird, 1964, and a 180B. Magnificent pieces of rusted out shit, both of them.
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Mark said:
A Bluebird, how up market
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Big M said:
1964 model, 1200 cc, three speed column shift, no syncro, perfected double declutching on it!
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algernon1 said:
Well the 1600 went like the clappers. The senior traded it in on a 200B never the same. By that time I’d bought a Mazda 1300, 2 door that went like the clappers as well
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sandshoe said:
I learnt to drive in a 504 think it was Peugeot.
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sandshoe said:
Can’t even spell it now.
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sandshoe said:
I had a red bucket of a Subaru. Someone I think said they were like a Datsun?
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Mark said:
Front wheel drive?
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sandshoe said:
Yes that’s what it was said to be I reckon. I forgot that. Great little car. Those were the days. 🙂
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algernon1 said:
Reminds me a bit of the rhyming slang Datsun Cogs
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Mark said:
You’re giving away our age Ace.
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sandshoe said:
Hahaha. Y’ ken hear the cogs turnin’ turnin’/next thing they’ll be claimin’ burning’ burnin’/rubber dow’n Route 66 (jangle jangle guitar solo… 🙂
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