Tags
Angler, Big M, Father O'Way, fiction, Hon Shades, humour, Nurse Barbara, Sister Yvonne, Warrigal
Merv is Spaced Out
Story by Mark.
Sandy was sitting at the bar fiddling with his drink, Trotter’s Ale of course, what else, when Merv approached and in his usual affable way thought he would engage in some jaunty repertoire about space.
“Hey Space priest, how the devil are you? What’s it really like, you know, out there?”
Merv loved calling Sandy a priest because he knew he hated it, a bit of ribbing I guess, well not until the next punch up anyway. Merv points to the sky and scowls his face and growls lowly as if space is really spooky. Well, to be honest and that’s copiously rare, actually space is really spooky.
“Bless you my son for asking” replies Sandy.
“I’m not your son!”
“Yes, I know but that’s how us parish priests talk, bless you my son, go the farce has ended, thanks be to Gordon, you know, that kinda shit.”
“But I’m still not your son” persists Merv.
“Look, it’s zarking metaphorical”
“What’s that mean?”
“Dunno, I’m just reading the back of this coaster.”
[Sister Yvonne here. Jesus wept Hung, don’t you know what a metaphor is? Not happy
Hung, now I have to read this and contribute at the same time.
Hung: So what is a metaphor then, I dunno?
Sister Yvonne: It’s a noun.
Hung: Thank you Sister. I’m glad that’s cleared up.
Sister Yvonne: It’s always left to us nurses to save everything…dot dot dot and it could even become DOT DOT DOT now that I’m in charge of the keyboard, hahaha.]
“Well, now that you ask space is sort of spacey” continues Sandy “you know big and spacey.”
[Big M here. For fucks sake Hung saying space is big and spacey is akin to saying water is wet and grass is green. Do you want me to take over writing this bit?
Hung: Well, no, not really but space is big and spacey. I guess there is a lot of black and stars and shit but there is a lotta room out there.
Big M: Here’s a new concept for you Hung, think about it.]
“Yeah, I like that” says Merv “big and spacey, sounds great. When I was young I was taught that water was wet, grass was green and now space is big and spacey, wow, perfect man. I guess there would be a lot of black and stars and shit but the sounds like a lotta room out there to me.”
“Yep, big and spacey for sure.”
“Bullshit” says Angler. “More space in back of Zephyr even with shotgun and dogs”
“Crikey! Where did that Yorkshire accent come from Angler?”
asks Nurse Barbara who had been listening to everything while reading the form guide. Now is that multi tasking or what.
“I did a bit of rehearsing before the gig but anyway I reckon it’s all Gordon’s magic” smirks Angler hardly able to believe the most outrageous lie he has ever had to tell.
“Nah, it’s rocks, gotta have rocks” pipes in Shoe.
“Hey shoe, you forgot to scramble your name to Hon Shades.”
“Oh, shit. Nah, it’s rocks, gotta have rocks” pipes in Hon Shades.
Oh, well, if they only knew the truth which is…
Big M said:
I found the entire thing disturbing, in a big, spaceous way. Fuck, Hung, take over the Writing? HOO, damn the priest to hell. No idea, man, with winding up poor Merv. He’s a simple cove, not in a developmentally discordant manner, more the hit on the head, kinda way.
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Mark said:
Yes Sister. 🙂
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sandshoe said:
Thanks for permish for Hon Shades, dear brother Hung. I will get onto that. I did forget and blow me down you are good. Funny. Sweet. Humanity is your hallmark in these tales. Right down to space and spacey. Beautiful illustration.
Hugs and love to everybody.
Christina
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Mark said:
Thanks Hon always a pleasure.
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honshades said:
Once known anywhere as only sandshoe or casually as ‘shoe, and yes I know the hour is deadly and not in a good way, it’s Hon here. Hon Shades.
I’ve not been able to go another minute just as deadly without logging in to the pub for the first time as Hon Shades. Good morning, patrons du porc.
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Mark said:
Welcome Hon Shades. Trust shoe is well? 🙂
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honshades said:
Shoe is truly a shoe-in still thank you. Leastwise it seems as far as logging into the Pigs Arms is concerned. Pity about the registration with Word Press to upload a gravatar. All attempts at registration so far failed as I cannot reclaim a Yahoo address that was deleted it seems in the hacking scare Yahoo had a while back.
Thank you again especially for your persistence attaching Hon Shades to me and very most especially your subsequent permission to register it as my name with Word Press. Thank you so much, Hung. Really that’s awesome lending me your intellectual property. It’s a bewdy. I’ve really grown to love it. Hearts to you.
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algernon1 said:
Angler with a Yorkshire accent, I’ll need to speak to the lizard about that.
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Mark said:
Before or after the hot dog?
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algernon1 said:
So it was the hot dog, Now I get it.
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Mark said:
The best dog is a hotdog with the lot.
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algernon1 said:
A gluten free dog?
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Mark said:
No. Gluten free is horrible. Hotdog bun, fried onions, crispy bacon, cheese, sauce, the only way.
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algernon1 said:
I thought you were gluten free
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Mark said:
No, lactose free. I did try a gluten free diet at one stage around 2009 2010 but couldn’t handle it. I remember us discussing it.
Lactose free is funny. Some products I can handle some I can’t. Soft cheese and milk are a killer whereas hard cheese and some yogurts are fine.
Cream is just simply no but when I go out I eat whats available and put up with it.
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algernon1 said:
Ah yes I recall that. Hard work gluten free. Sisters are both gluten free. Some stuff ok others you’d throw out. One is lactose free as well same deal as you.
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Yvonne said:
Darn, my stocking seams were crooked. Can we take another photo?
Big and Spacey. Oh, yes, I do love that Kevin. Mwah.
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Mark said:
Yes Sister.
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honshades said:
Publicist to the stars. Above and beyond.
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Mark said:
Kevin? Yes Dierdre.
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Yvonne said:
Kevin Spacey, that is. 🙂
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Mark said:
Love it. Thanks Sister.
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Big M said:
Oh well, at least yer arse crack,was straight.
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vivienne29 said:
Space is ……….. Star Trek – where I go every Monday to Friday at 5 pm. Space, lots of it and lots of weird beings which make the Pigs Arms looks extremely ordinary and totally sane.
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Mark said:
Love Star Trek and Lost in Space was another one that I enjoyed at one stage.
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