Tags
Angler, Emmjay, Foodge, Gib W, granny, Hon Shades, humour, Mark, Merv, Nurse Barbara, Sandshoe, Sister Yvonne
Now it’s Stress.
Story by Mark.
Merv stands behind the bar, erect and proud, [Mark here Hung, steady now] surveying the ambience of the Pigs Arms, you know stale cigarettes, spilt beer, those unique fruity flavours however there was something worrying him.
“Granny, I’m worried and stressed” he cries.
“Oh for fuck sake Merv, what’s wrong now. Are you having another shitbox moment?”
For those who failed to read the last highly stimulating, drama packed episode, and you know who you are, yes I see a few hands, you can find out what a shitbox is here.
“Here, have a pill, works for me, just happened to have a sleeeevvveee, hehehe hahaha” crows Sister Yvonne.
“Nah, 50 ml eucalyptus oil, 500 ml normal saline, rubber tube up the arse, works every time and wait till the koalas start humping you” interjects Nurse Barbara as she puffs on a fag, sips a pint, reads the form guide and takes part in conversations. Womanhood, wonderful to watch. “Anyway if enemas aren’t your thing ask Hon, she’s a survivor.”
“Yeah mate” says Hon using Cyberian vernacular “wot’s the problem Merv, car won’t start, fingernail broken, kicked ya toe. I can deal with it mate, been there done that.”
“Well, I read that I’m going to be replaced by Aut O’Mation, some Irish bloke apparently. And I’m getting pressure from my agent who thinks I signed up for too many episodes at the Pigs Arms.”
“So who’s your agent?” asks Hon.
“Emmjay”
“Hmm…”
“Hmm…”
“So what is the most pressing issue?”
“Well I signed up for 20 episodes per year at the Pigs Arms and I’m finding it way too much work.”
“Hey I only got 10” pipes in Angler.
Yeah, us too, come the calls from the crew. “What about you Hon? How many did ewe
getz?” asks Gib W who suddenly appears at the bar. Must let him know that this magic stuff can scare kiddies as you never know they may be watching.
“Er, um, yeah, like, you know, sort of maybe 15…”
Angler calls the crew together. “What do we want?? ” he cries.
“Um, dunno, wot do wheeze want Angler?” says Gib.
“Um, I know EFFALL and we want it now.”
“EFFALL? Nah mate we don’t want eff all, this is for us fellow space travellers, we make a stand together, yeah, another round.”
“No EFFALL(Equally Fair Fiction for All Languishing Linguists).”
So the chant followed four hours after with many a Trotter’s consumed and a happy night had by all. As the crowd faded the chant still echoes.”Wadda we want, eff all, when da we want it, now”, think about it.
Breaking News: Gordon has sent Hung to the scene of a meeting between the management of the Pigs Arms and the Fictional Characters Association. Hung can you hear us,
Yes, look, I’m just going to interview some of the key players as they come out of the building here at Cyberia Central, this is quite a revolt, the characters are threatening strike action if their demands aren’t met. Here’s what Merv had to say,
“…bloody terrible, never knowing one day to the next, ever playing the goon…”
then Granny
“… shocking. It’s either me or Sister Yvonne in the black underwear, must give Hung a chubbie…”
and Foodge
“…the matter is before the court therefore I am unable to say anything however it’s a fit up…”
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honshades said:
It’s a gem. You’re a gem. Thank you Mark.
Fave imagery: “Yeah mate” says Hon using Cyberian vernacular “wot’s the problem Merv, car won’t start, fingernail broken, kicked ya toe. I can deal with it mate, been there done that.”
Ha Ha Ha Ha…
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Mark said:
Cheers friend glad you enjoyed it. Poor old Merv is a worry though. 🙂
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honshades said:
I have some more on Merv (sent). I empathise with your feelings about Merv I really do. Check your inbox, dear pal.
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algernon1 said:
Nice use of the pictures HOO.
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Mark said:
Thanks Ace. A picture paints a thousand words.
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algernon1 said:
I was meaning you borrowed three of them from my posts. One could call that praise. Mind you I borrowed them from elsewhere too.
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Mark said:
Yeah, from the library here at the PA’s. Pretty big list to choose from.
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Big M said:
Glad that Granny still gives you a chubbie. Lovely work, old son, I mean Sister.
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Mark said:
Hours of dedicated research goes into those photo’s. Someones gotta do it.
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algernon1 said:
Not entirely by you HOO. Though some get a new life I guess
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vivienne29 said:
Would my rissole recipe be of any assistance?
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vivienne29 said:
Nurse Barbara wants to know how come you know so much about her personal habits.
Is it ESP?
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vivienne29 said:
What a beauty. You’ve excelled yourself. I want more EFFALL and I want it every week.
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Mark said:
Thanks Viv, glad you enjoyed it. I had great fun writing this one.
I don’t believe the real Nurse Barbara would do those things, would she??
Funny I’ve got lamb mince for tea so your recipe may be timely.
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vivienne29 said:
I use beef mince for this one. I think I posted a lamb one years ago – Shami kebab.
For 500g beef mince, mix in one grated carrot, chopped onion, 4 sloshes of tomato sauce, 2 sloshes of worcestershire sauce, one beaten egg, salt and pepper – mix well and add a few sprinkles of breadcrumbs. Form into rissoles, dust with flour and shallow fry in peanut oil. Makes 12.
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vivienne29 said:
Mix again after adding breadcrumbs (about two tbsps).
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Mark said:
Love worcester sauce will try this out. Have some beef in the freezer.
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vivienne29 said:
Yes she would.
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