Foodge Episode 93 -The Bowelactic Wars.
Story by Mark.
Foodge paints a lonely figure at the bar, nudging his tonic and gin, it’s nine o’clock on a Saturday, la dee blah dah dee dah dah dah dah.
“Shut the eff up Foodge. Monty Python rules here mate, no singing and especially Billy Joel” says Merv.
So the painted lonely figure got up and walked away and said “Ewe Finnish Foodge? And wheeze in the EFFALL Union mate, wheeze fictional and wheeze want our money now, turn your head to the left and cough!” The phoneticists in the viewing audience were hysterical, not Foodge of course, he simply held his nuts in one hand and said “Fank ewe my darlin, may fertility haunt ewe and meek.”
Counter reset.
Gin and tonics are wonderful on a hot afternoon under the shade of a good tree. Sensibly my parents, Mr and Mrs
Foodge Senior, planted Moreton Bay Figs. One in the front yard and one in the back. Never had to mow a lawn ever. Please don’t ever challenge me on the veracity of that statement, kiddies may be watching.
Merv turned the corner behind the bar. “Foodge, mate, I need help, like real help, like you know, help mate. I got a letter that says I have to go to court as I’ve breached the constipation, under section infinity, sub section A + B = C plus square rooting, what ever that is but I wouldn’t mind trying it” grins Merv.
“Let me see that young man, where’s the bong?” Foodge foodigises, checking navel lint theory and querying cyberianism.
“Foodge, read the letter, she said her name is Maria and shes addressing this to your wife says he won’t be coming home, on a Saturday night…”
Foodge nose what he wants(wink, wink) “that’s twice now, no more singing please especially who ever that was.”
You know, Foodge is a good man, a decent man, a man of honor or so, in his most humble opinion and reading the letter basically upside down “You have a case young man. Not just to the High Constipation Court, not even to the Very High Constipation Court or the Extremely Very High Constipation Court. We go straight to the Stratospheric Constipation Court”.
To be continued…
Big M said:
Nice selfy, by the way.
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Mark said:
I just did fifteen out of fourteen night shifts in a row sows wheeze could have heaps of spending money on a holiday. Meeze had a sleep then, Hi honey I’m home, lets start having a holiday. Sometimes I wonder if I married Mrs Douglas. Byes the o’way, we didn’t set sail till the next morning however that is another story, meeze mite right about it.
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Big M said:
Yeah, I thought you looked generally fucked.
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Mark said:
Situation normal.
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honshades said:
That’s a selfie? Jeeze look no hands?
You look pretty well au naturel. I love a man who looks run over by somebody’s cat. 😉
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Mark said:
The caption should read “God I hate night shift…”
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Big M said:
Mark has a penchant for pussies.
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Mark said:
All us purse carrying nancy boys do
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Mark said:
And, I’m writing the next episode as we speak, dynamite.
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Big M said:
I heard a barista say that the Australian Constipation was full of shit. At least that’s what it sounded like over the steam, and the screams from scalding milk.
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Mark said:
Was it written by Melena Stool?
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Big M said:
No, but I did ask her out once. She already had a date with a gastroenterologist.
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Mark said:
And bring Ivy Stand…
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Big M said:
I think xhe married Hugh Rynhal.
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vivienne29 said:
Stick it to em and work it out.
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Mark said:
You can ride shotgun for me if you like. 🙂
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honshades said:
Hilarious! The Stratospheric Constipation Court! Well that’s really up there!
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Therese Trouserzoff said:
Bunged up there, I’d say 🙂
Hung – ALWAYS good for a belly laugh. Many thanks, dude.
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Mark said:
I can’ wait for the next exciting episode as it is so exciting that excitement is a poor word to describe it.
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Big M said:
I’m ready to strap myself in for a wild ride.
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Mark said:
Words fail to describe the next episode Mark as at this stage there aren’t any. 🙂
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