Merv was buggered if he could find Dick Smith’s. He was convinced there was a store in town, but where the hell was it? He’d lugged the old dot matrix, in it’s original box on two buses and a ferry (fuck knows why he’d be on a ferry?) into George Street. ‘Well, fuck me’. He thought to himself. ‘All I need is a Yeller pages, so, in fact, all I need is a phone booth!’ Our redoubtable publican carried that old printer up and down George St, to no avail. ‘Fuck me twice.’ He thought.’ No fucking phone booths, and the place is overrun with Asians, not that I dislike Asians, there just weren’t many in Sydney last time I were ‘ere in ’78.’
Merv was getting mighty thirsty, then remembered there was a pub near the cinemas,
so lurched back down the road, passed the cinema complex, and into the welcoming arms of The Albion, flopping his arse and his parcel into the nearest seat.
“Bugger me dead if it isn’t the Lewisham Lugger!” Wheezed a voice from the gloom.
Merv instantly recognised his former Sergeant from the uniform days. “If it isn’t Detective Chief Inspector Watson!” Who’s name wasn’t really ‘Watson’, but he was perpetually bamboozled, so was often heard to say, “What’s On, lads?”
“Girly, get the lad a drink, will ya?” Women’s lib had entirely passed by Watson. The young barmaid place a schooner of fourex in front of our thirsty lad, who gratefully skulled it in one swallow. “And another. So what brings you into town?” Wheezed Watson.
“Gettin’ bits for me printer.” Merv nodded towards the cardboard box.
“A dot matrix!” Watson pushed back some long strands of hair that had escaped from his rather long, and desperate comb over. “Haven’t seen one of them in years.”
“Yep, was gonna go to Dick Smith’s, but I can’t find him.” Merv had ordered a third
schooner from the bar.
“Well, old son, Dickie Smith is no longer, don’t youz read the papers in Inner Western Cyberia?”
“Well, yes, we’ve got papers. So where’s Dick then?”
“Dick is at Terry Hills, of course.” Watson took a long draught of the fetid tasting ale.
“Oh, shit, that’s a funny place for a store. It’ll be like four busus and a coupla ferries.”
“Nah, Dick Smith is still alive, and lives at Terry Hills. His stores went arse up. If youz want electronics, youz should go to Bing Ree.”
Merv was wary, not only had Asians taken over Sydney, but they’d taken over electronics! “Where is this Bing Ree?”
“Look it up on yer phone.” Watson was gasping for a smoke, so stepped into the doorway and lit up.
“Me phone?” Merv pulled his old Samsung clamshell out of his pocket. “The bastard doesn’t even work these days.
“That’s because it’s only Two Gee!” Watson peered at his new IPhone through a pall of smoke. “Here you go, there’s a Bing Lee just up the road.”
Merv thanked his former boss, and dragged his package up to Bing Lee, where a young Phillipino lass convinced him to give up his dot matrix, and upgrade to a LASER
printer. “What exactly is the printer for?” She enquired. Merv sat down and told her all about the Pub, and how he was seriously thinking of upgrading the computer to something flash, like a Pentium. With that she took him through to a business consultant, who set him up with a new Computer, modem, business software and electronic till. All with free delivery and installation.
“How will I pay for all of this?” Ventured Merv.
“Pop it on your Visa.” Came the obvious answer.
“Visa? But I aint goin’ overseas!”
“Visa credit card. Look, we’ll hold all of this, and you pop next door to the Commonwealth, and sort out a card.”
‘Christ on a bike.” Thought Merv. “I only come here for a printer cartridge!” With that he was out the door and aboard a bus headed for the safety of the Inner West.
“Where’s yer Opal card, sir?” Asked the driver.
“Will a couple of postage stamps do?” Asked Merv as he shook a couple of moths from his wallet.
vivienne29 said:
Very good and spot on funny. Love the pics.
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Mark said:
Fanks Viv. Just to correct a few points, I don’t hate cats unless they are flattened.
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sandshoe said:
Merv’s sounding darned if he went, darned if he didn’t.
I’m not sure he didn’t come out of that Bing Ree place with all that stuff. But seems like he’s empty handed. Not even going to get back home to the pub either if a cruel ticket inspector does not accept postage stamps.
The suspense is dramatic.
Where’s our old dot matrix printer? Did Merv leave it at Bing Ree?
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Mark said:
Is your cat flat?
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sandshoe said:
That happened before Merv went to Bing Ree with the printer!!!!!!!!! Who labels a cat DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes.
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sandshoe said:
Hardly fair of me to make such a strong rhetorical statement. All cats point to Merv however.
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Big M said:
All cats are dead, on the inside.
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sandshoe said:
Harsh.
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Big M said:
But true.
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sandshoe said:
Is ‘9’ lives just a dying cat’s final halloo.
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algernon1 said:
Big M , Merv musta mist the building of the toy train down George Street. Can’t driva cart down the street now.
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Mark said:
Ace, you is a champ.
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Big M said:
We is getting a toy train in Newcastle. It goes almost as far as a fit human can walk. Is the George St one similar?
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algernon1 said:
A cheep one at that too I understand. Me here’s that the closing of the rail line has revitalised that part of Newy. It was a developer that said it so it must be true.
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algernon1 said:
Actually the toy train in George Street is 67 metres long and no faster than the buses it replaces.
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sandshoe said:
Adelaide replacement of beautiful old rickety-rolly tram is 15 kms and is free in the City as far as any healthy walker can walk. The seating is incredibly uncomfortable so encourages standing. I’ve generally seen it crammed with healthy people who can walk in less time than it takes to cram everybody in and off.
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Big M said:
Our heavy rail was removed, because there were only about 2200 trips per day along that section. There are hundreds of empty buses which offer a parallel service, many of them free, or one can walk the 1.9 km section.
Yet, everyone wants a toy train, then there’s big plans for it to go hither and thither. They could reinstate the tram service that was ripped out in the fifties?? Newcastle trams were actually covering a larger are than Melbourne, at the time.
Yep, I’ll bet Adelaide and George St are the same, touristy gimmicks.
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algernon1 said:
Which makes it bizarre Big. sure there might only be the 2200 trips per day but the cost is nothing in real terms.. Having all these empty buses doing nothing does. The toy train runs from Maroubra apparently. Its ripped our 100 year old figs, its destroyed business in George Street, its meant to speed up travel yet its demonstrated that it will be no quicker than the buses its replaced. The budge has blown out by over 50% but that doesn’t seem to matter.
It’s like the train line from Epping to Chatswood being converted into a metro, problem is that it will be transport chaos whilst they convert it. A heap of traffic changes which haven’t commenced and a new bus timetable. The line when reopened will spew heaps more people onto an already crowded Chatswood station with the solution not due for another 6 years or so.
Theres another toy train about to commence in Parramatta, outside the building I work in.
Honestly Glady and her little boy are a bunch of economic fucknuckles.
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Big M said:
Bradfield would be rolling in his grave.
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algernon1 said:
Yep a man about a century before his time.
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Big M said:
Yes, Bradfield recognised back in about 1920 that the entire Sydney Basin would eventually be populated, and planned a massive rail network ahead of the housing push. Of course, no one believed him. Now we have Noddy Trains at a million bucks a lineal meter!
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algernon1 said:
A city with green belts and for a population of 2.5 million. The Harbour Bridge was designed for 300 years of use. Politicians of course have eaten into those green belts. The new Rouse Hill line which should have been built 25 years ago should be heavy rail not a toy train and one that should link to St Marys then down to Leppington. Not these clowns build a toy train for $1b to save money, put it down another line then find the stations don’t fit a Metro line. Get rolling stock from overseas because they’re cheaper then find they too wide for the stations and end up costing more than the locally built one.
Proper due diligence, bugger that.
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Big M said:
To be honest, the rolling stock built here, in Newcastle, probably won’t be for much longer. Lot’s of components are made in China, now to pretty high standards, and assembled here. Goninons is owned by a multinational who don’t particularly care where they make stuff. At least the service contracts will remain in Australia!
For some reason I looked at Bradfield’s original plans for Sydney rail. Whata forward thinker. So much money would have been saved had his plan been rolled out.
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algernon1 said:
I guess the point I was trying to make was that the local product would have got the spec right in the first place rather than the Korean is cheaper so we’ll buy it.
I agree with you on Bradfield a brilliant mind. He even wanted to electrify the suburban railways prior to WW1. If only the plans came to fruition
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Big M said:
Yes, yes and yes. I fully concur.
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Big M said:
Merv is oblivious to everything, except George St has changed since 1978.
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Big M said:
Thanks, Sister, nicely presented, wiff pitchers an’ shit!
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Mark said:
I fucking hate hate an shit
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Mark said:
How flat is your cat? In 3 weeks time Emmjay will come along.
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sandshoe said:
Nothing more surprises than a flat cat regulation.
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Mark said:
Vegimite
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algernon1 said:
Very clever with the captions.
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Mark said:
I fucking hate captions.
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Mark said:
Thanks Ace. I will try to run over next doors cat will my backpack.
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sandshoe said:
Are you spraying the weeds?
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Mark said:
Yeah right.
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