Story by the guy at the keyboard.
Merv was standing behind the bar, washing the glasses and refreshing the spittoons when the door opened and a man walked in an ordered a beer. Merv didn’t take any notice at first but when he looked up at the man he saw a reflection of himself.
“Um, er, Mick?” asked Merv thinking it was his identical twin brother Mick from Mick’s Auto Mechanics and Florist Shop.
“No, I’m Mack, your other identical twin brother” said the man, um, er, I mean Mack.
“But doesn’t that make us identical triplets?” enquired Merv intelligently for a change.
“But wait there’s more. There are five of us, me, you, Mick, Mike and Mark. All identical twins” said Mack.
“But that makes us…”
“No, identical twins. The author can’t spell that word so we won’t mention it, okay?”
“Um, er, suppose, okay I guess. What’s brought you here Mack?”
“I went to see my doctor, Doctor Doctor and I said to her, doctor doctor give me the news I gotta bad case of lovin you but she told me that I have Stupiditis and that it runs in the family”
“Stupiditis!!” double exclamation marks remarks Merv.
“But wait there’s more. It also affects our identical twins” counters Mack.
“You mean our qu…”
“Don’t mention that word, the author can’t spell it plus he wants an extra set of steak knifes hence the double mention of but wait there’s more”
“Stupiditis” say Merv “I don’t get it”
“Exactly” replies Mack. “It’s a disease that is so subtle that you don’t get it till it’s too late. Like what did you do this morning?”
“Dunno, got up, had a shower, got dressed, ogled granny, scratched my nuts, washed glasses and replaced the spittoons” says Merv feeling quite bewildered.
“Yes, that’s because that is what you do every day. When was Gordon here last?” presses Mack.
“Dunno”
“Stupiditis” says Mack. “Lets test it out with a few of the patrons. Hey Foodge, what did you do yesterday?”
“Smoked lots of cigarettes, drank heaps of booze, represented a fine defaulter in court, told the Prime Minister to stick his head up his arse, usual sort of thing why do you ask?” replies Foodge.
“No reason” says Mack. “See Merv, what do really remember about yesterday?”
“Dunno, I fink I got outta bed, came down here to the bar and later went back to bed”
“Stupiditis, big time” says the twins.
sandshoe said:
You’re a spivvy looking dude when you get good togs on, HOO. Well done for the way you shine in the field of fantastic nonsense. I find most comedy on the idiot box idiotic these days since my taste has been lifted out of my boots by comparison.
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Mark said:
Thanks shoe. Enjoy the festive season. I will be spending a few hours with neighbours after a late night visit last night although I was happy to spend this one alone.
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vivienne29 said:
Nearly time for a g & t – bloody hot outside.
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algernon1 said:
40 degrees but then came the change. 25 now
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vivienne29 said:
Southerly buster I suppose. We don’t get those. This blue sapphire gin is inspired – bloody delicious.
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algernon1 said:
It was. not a strong one though blew for a bit but not much now. Cooler for the next few days then build up again. Few warm days at the end of the week.Third 40 degree in the last 10.
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Mark said:
Missed the heat wave hear in Summer Bay. Tutu reports that it got to 37 in Adelaide.
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vivienne29 said:
I have days like that too. I can’t do as much as I want because of this bloody arthritis which is also up to my right elbow. I don’t have enough strength to use a garlic crusher but where there’s a will there’s a way – smash it with a meat tenderiser mallet.
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Yvonne said:
Well, that’s no darn good.
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Mark said:
I’m worried about arthritis Viv especially since I fractured some vertebra a few years ago.
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algernon1 said:
Who’s the fifth twin?
Love the suit, had it dry cleaned?
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Mark said:
Merv, Mick, Mack, Mike, Mark.Wheeze is a tight unit.
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Mark said:
Just want to thank everyone for their support in following my posts. I wish I was more consistent however I really just have to wait for the creative juices to flow before I can write anything. Comedy is very hard to write.
Some good news, I have recently been taken off a medication for my depression that was making me suicidal and so life is now looking much better. Tutu and I didn’t go ahead with a divorce and will now do some travelling together mainly within Australia.
Seasons greetings from Father O’Way, Gordon O’Donnell and Hung One On.
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vivienne29 said:
Good news. I do hope things stay shipshape and you also keep writing wonderful nonsense. Best wishes, and love
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Big M said:
Foodge reckons your writings were ‘Chandleresque’, Merv thought they were a fuckin’ good read, Granny’s never read them because she can’t be bothered, while Manne claims they are a good break from Onanism. I’m with Merv, all fuckin’ good.
Glad you are well again,,and still on with Tutu. She must be a tremendous woman. Hope you get to see all of the sights.
Merry Christmas, young bloke.
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algernon1 said:
I didn’t read this properly earlier. Terrific news
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Big M said:
Mr Merv is a right fucking potato. I suspect it’s because he’s been punched around the ring. Fanks Sister!
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Mark said:
I’m calling the pleece. 🙂
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Yvonne said:
What are you going to call the pleece?? I do wish you would finish your sentences.
I think I might qualify as the 6th twin. You can call me Minx.
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Mark said:
Yes Sister Minx
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