Just in time for the Federal Election – the famous Pig-Tel panic button. Perfect election tool for a tool of a co-alition.

Imagine you’re running for a safe Libnat seat – well, let’s face it there are no safe Libnat seats – so imagine you’re a Liberal pre-selected person who’s not a racist homophobic count* hellbent on destroying every person who hasn’t got a massively remunerated job as a bank or insurance company CEO – what are you ? Unique – perhaps – did you fill in the correct form ?

Anyway – you certainly cannot afford to be without one of these handy-dandy policy tools.

Just call us on (insert dial a prayer number here) and send us all your preferences and we’ll make certain you’re well equipped in the panic department.

Remember, at Pig-Tel, we’ve got you little L Libnats covered. It wasn’t our fault we sent you a bag of manure last time. Anyone could have made that mistake.

• remove the vowel of your choosing.