By Ricardo
I’ve got the Coronavirus Blues…. in the current circumstances, eminently worse than the constipation blues….
So a little poem honouring the Lou Rawls Appreciation Society Doomsday BOGOF (Buy One Get OneHundredand Fifty) Triple Quilted Hoarders
Alas still no toilet rolls in Asda so instead splashed out on a can of Febreze air freshener.
(Pronounced Fa-brais-ay)
So when you are sat on a crapper unable to clean your bum,
Just sit back and relax and try not to be so glum.
And serenely breathe in in the soothing aroma of Thai Orchid by Febreze,
As you ponder the eternal merits of investing in a bidet
Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle 
I feel your pain Ricardo. Yesterday arrived at my local Woolies with shoppers with their one pack of funny rolls. Alas I was too late.
LikeLike
Living out of town for 42 years I’ve always kept good supplies of loo paper in the pantry. When the panic buying started I did nothing but when there was loo paper I got concerned. Two weeks later they got more loo paper and the staff there saved me a 12 pack. Woo Hoo. So I’m set.
LikeLike
We aren’t running short at the moment. Probably three weeks worth. There are always other options if we run out I guess.
LikeLike
Yep – a bum washer (otherwise known as a face washer) and then into nappisan bucket. You should be able to get loo paper soon. Meanwhile try to be a bit miserly with how much loo paper one uses.
LikeLike
And only ever buy dark coloured undies just in case. 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think so viv, there’s plenty of tissues available on the shelves now. Exactly with the bum washer.
LikeLike
We used to have a Shar Pei doggy who used to drag her arse along the carpet if left unattended. Just a thought.
So we hit her with a worm pill. Nothing. Kept scooting.
Took her to the vet. “Oh, she’s got impacted anal glands ! Do you mind if I take her out the back and clean them out ?
No I replied, by all means DO take her right out the back !
The task, I later discovered is about the most disgusting in vet practice. Squeezing out the Gorgonzola digitally.
Why did this pop up in your editor’s brain ? Toilet paper shortage. NB vets use rubber gloves ! Maybe don’t try this at home.
LikeLiked by 2 people