Written by Mark
Hello, Merv here or hear, whatever you like. Never been one for correctness. Anyhoo this geeza walks into the bar the other day. This is what happened.
“Gidday mate” replied in my normal friendly but neutral composure.
“Yeah mate, I’m here for the job” says this geeza.
“So what job was that?”
“An exciting new character at the Pigs Arms Hotel. Here, I was sent by the agency, the Fictional Characters Union, all the paper work is here.”
“So, what’s your name then?” being always on the lookout for a scam.
“Um, dunno. They didn’t tell me”
“So you don’t know your name, your from the agency, hmm, so what can you do that’s exciting and new ?”
“Well, I can play chess, sort of and the ukulele, sort of , oh yes and I once had a piano lesson.”
Things were starting to go downhill.
I decided to ramp up the atmosphere.
“No skydiving, no rodeos, so how exciting does it get. So if you have no name then the Pigs Arms will have to name you” Merv is now ruining a good story.
[Merv we didn’t want that till later. I frigging hate you sometimes]
“How about Neville or Baxter?” says the man with no name.
“Fuck off, something spicy for the viewers like Gonzales or Geoffrey.” Funny thing was that I hate both of those names.
“So, Merv, what is your last name?” says Gonzales or Geoffrey or Neville or Baxter.
“I don’t have one” says hypocrite Merv. “Wot’s yours?”
“Smith actually”
“So no first name Smith, lets call you Abba Zoodoo” Merv ponderously states.
“Okay from now on my name is Abba Zoodoo Gonzales Geoffrey Smith Neville Baxter ” says Abba. “Fuckin’ happy now.” Gez I hate authors.
“ So Abba Zoodoo Gonzales Geoffrey Smith Neville Baxter getting the word count up with you new name is invaluable, but in your view given this is comedy should have I said knew instead of new? And if I had a last name I would call myself …”
algernon1 said:
Long handle there HOO. No acronym?
LikeLike
Mark said:
No. This came all about by a sleepless night.
LikeLike
vivienne29 said:
An exciting new character? How about Wilma, or, if it has to be a bloke, Eric.
LikeLike
Mark said:
Wilma would have been exciting for a man.
LikeLike
Big M said:
Wilmer Cook, played by Elisha Cook Jr, in The Maltese falcon.
He wasn’t so much exciting as excitable.
LikeLike
astyages said:
“Well, I can play chess, sort of and the ukulele, sort of , oh yes and I once had a piano lesson.”
Lol! Sounds a lot like yours truly! At the very least ‘No name’ must be a man after my own heart! More power to him! 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mark said:
Exactly, I think I went through all of those experiences.
LikeLike
astyages said:
Do you still play chess, Mark? If so, maybe we should have a game… I play on Stansco NetChess… Just in case you or any of the other piglets would like a game, here’s a link to the sign-up page:
http://www.stansco.com/netchess/index.html
You can sign up for free and you can keep it free, or else, if you want a few other benefits, you can pay a subscription fee of a few dollars per month.
Once you’ve signed up you can search for me on the players list… I’m using the nickname Astyages on this site. Hope to see you there soon! 🙂
LikeLike
Mark said:
No never played. just made it up for the story. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Big M said:
Some days it seems like Merv is paddling up upstream though the sewer with a fork for a paddle.
LikeLike
Mark said:
Merv is such a legend that he cannot recognise that he is a four lettered word.
LikeLike
Big M said:
Yes, he thinks that get forked is a compliment.
LikeLike