Watch out, I'm coming for the contaminated.

Pig’s Arms Bar Decontamination Staff

By Madeleine Love.

The Pigs Arms Bar Decontamination Staff have to be called in most mornings.

Daphne:  I’m interviewing barmaid Belinda for the Pig’s Arms Trumpeter this morning as we tiptoe through the early morning bar after the night before.  Good morning Belinda!

Belinda:  Good morning, Daphne.

Daphne:  I see you’re all kitted out for the cleanup, Belinda.

Belinda:  It’s a Work and Safety necessity, Daphne.

Daphne:  You’re wearing the full asbestos outfit.

Belinda:  Yes, we are usually dealing with asbestos after a rough night in the Bar.

Daphne:  How often would a head or a fist go through one of the asbestos sheeting panels?

Belinda:  It doesn’t happen every night, but fairly regularly.  Merv repairs the sheeting where he can, but eventually there’s nothing much he can do and he’s forced to replace it.

Daphne:  I see a lot of broken plates around this morning.

Belinda:  The Greeks were in last night.  They’re in most nights.  We do ask that they bring their own plates, but we offer the cleaning service.

Daphne:  Have you ever thought of making a ceramic mosaic out of all these shards?

Belinda:  Merv’s a wonder with recycling.  If granny can’t araldyte the plates back together he makes use of the bits.  I’ll show you through the toilets later.

Daphne:  What’s all this burnt metal in the corner?

Belinda:  That was the thespians.  There was a Persian war re-enactment thing – they set a few aerosol cans burning.

Daphne:  Curtains are a mess!  And this wall that’s been knocked in?

Belinda:  That doesn’t usually happen.  Bloody Danny from the car yard next door was cleaning up after last night and he’s driven his bulldozer into the pub.  He say he can get us some fibro from somewhere, cheap.

Daphne:  Thank you for the wonderful insight into mornings at the Pig’s Arm Bar, Belinda.

Belinda:  Thank you Daphne.

Daphne:  That was Belinda, and I’m Daphne at the Pig’s Arms, where a little thing like lipstick on a table is completely unimportant.