Digital Mischief by Warrigal Mirriyuula
Hey, Sandy here. You know the Bish, Bishop bloody Bishop? Anyhoo, the Bish wants me to go to Malice Brings to investigate a major breaking story. A story about a man that suffered minor injuries. If you scan the web for societies that protect people with minor injuries, you’ll find none. This in-depth study shows a haunting sub class of people out there with minor injuries. Frankly, it’s scary.
Here’s my interview from my favourite Aunty, Aunt Verity Well.
FOW: So Aunt Well what’s happening?
Aunt Well: Malice Brings police say an unyouthful non woman has been hit by a car after trying to stop two unelderies driving away with his vehicle.
FOW: Come on, lets get real? Just because someone wants to borrow your car, no reason to get upset. Just joking but cars are inanimate ain’t they? I know people aren’t. What injuries did this car attacking gerontic mammalian throwback receive?
Aunt Well: Police say the 78-year, yes they say 78 year a lot down the station, old non woman received injuries from the fall, well just a little bit, could even develop into minor.
FOW: Police say lots of things. 78 year old should have know better anyway if it gets to minor, press ‘ill be all over it, I mean now news is 24 seven, minor makes the news. As I said scary. Look where’s this non persons car whatever?
Aunt Well: The assumed thieves drove away but forsaken the car nearby.
FOW: It is an allegation not a fact however it was possibly neighbours or perhaps Home and Away. Anyhoo they are hardly going to drive it back and leave the keys on the front porch. Has anyone been arrested?
Aunt Well: Police have arrested two non males of the species who are expected to be charged later today.
FOW: Well lets see, expected to be charged rather than have been charged. They may also be charged especially once they get back home or if already charged then this would get them into further trouble as police hate people who are charged.
Sandy O’Way, Malice Brings.
Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle 
The idea of a Minor Complaints Agency is totally gorgeous, Lehan. A source of constant enjoyment. How about the complainers about the complainers? The “I’m helping someone who managed to get off their death bed to go to their son’s funeral yesterday, and never a word of complaint?” ers. “But HE never stops groaning about his ingrown toe-nail” ers. They are totally missing the point. The big problems are too painful to complain about. Whereas group sessions around minor complaints are a social event.
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“Whereas group sessions around minor complaints are a social event.”
Voice, m’hat’s off to y’. That I will think about and chuckle over forever. 🙂
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Nice story Hoo, nice picture too.
You look a bit like a nun who lost her habit.
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The painting is very feminine Gez, must be in contact with my feminine side I guess. However this is Lehan’s painting of Hung One On from the gravtar which Lehan described as a “black smudge”! Pretty darn good job.
The theme of the article however was to express the triviality of current news services.
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When enlarged it has a five o’clock shadow, very masculine.
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Story………..yo
Picture……..yo
New HOO..yo (is the haircolour done professionally or by Tutu?)
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No, by my personal artist Lehan. Thanks for the yo’s. Never had three yo’s before 🙂
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Sorry Hung, but one ‘yo’ was meant for Waz’ picture 🙂
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Too much information H 🙂
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I’m amazed at the media beat-up of minor injuries. They can become major ones pretty quickly, even sick but stable, or, even non-sick bur very stable patients can become critical at any moment, usually straight after the reporter has just got off the phone to the hospital. I’ve had some strange conversations with reporters. They usually go like this:
Reporter: How’s Mr X?
Me: OK, had a plaster placed on a fractured leg.
Reporter: So he’s sick but stable.
Me: No he’s got a broken leg.
Reporter: What about his other injuries?
Me: I think he had a scratch on his face which required no intervention.
Reporter: What about his head injury?
Me: Who said he had a head injury?
Reporter: One of the police.
Me: Was he a doctor, a neurosurgeon perhaps?
Reporter: So, when’s he having a scan?
Me: This may surprise you, but we do have some idea of what we’re doing, so I think we’ll omit the scan, thanks!
Reporter: So, he’s sick but stable?
Me: Aggghhhh!
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Reporter: What, no script for antibiotics? And you call yourself health professionals.
Me: Zark off dick head.
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I think PA Welfare Inc is ready to take on the role of lead agency for the minor injury industry. I believe that Merv himself is a specialist in the auto-feeling sorry field.
Waz – the problem with ‘Murdoch deserves enormous power” banner is that it certainly could have been lifted off a Fox site – art imitating reality ?
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Give him more power, I say.
I think I want to start up an agency for minor complaints. I like the idea. We will do something about the complaints. Basically the agency will involve us complaining on behalf of the complainant to someone else, with no expectation that it will have any effect. if we can think of anything we will do it, and if we can’t we will write a nice letter back to them about how terrible we think it is. This will be an agency for making people feel a little better. We will have charge people ten dollars per hour for our work, and have simple but friendly stationary.
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It is power that corrupts us former tree dwellers.
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Once the pub got the electric it was all uphill to corruption after that HOO. 🙂
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Is your gravtar from Lehan shoe?
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Our agency will have a Light First Aid section. Mostly bandaids and very sweet tea and a biscuit. We will have retired people ready and waiting to tell you how terrible things have gotten.
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Mike, did you like the Aunt Well gag? I thought it’s up their with Al Foyle and Asif Iwood.
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Will you please HOO reference your characters by citing in brackets the name of the story and author including page numbers (why hasn’t this pub got damned page numbers?)
The answer my friends 😉 is blowin’ in the wind…
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Sorry shoe, Al Foyle[alfoil] is the garrison commander on Sandy’s space ship and Asif Iwood is a former test cricketer[fictitious] from the subcontinent.
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Yes, Hung, it’s my portrait. What do you think, HOO?
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Now I see I am far away from the question that Hung asked of me. 😦
Hung if you get this message thank you for your prompt response to my enquiries regards asif iwood and al foyle. I only knew these before as great names of intergalactic eulogy. Thanks praise t’ y’. 🙂
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Oh Shoe, it’s you 🙂
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I feel confirmed, Hung. Thank you for that reinforcement. 🙂
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Personally I wish there was some agency I could complain to when the dogs rolled pig fat bones over the carpet. It seems like nobody cares about those things any more.
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For this complaint, I think I would target the Dry Cleaner’s Association, for not having a carpet-dedicated section to seek advice from.
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I blame the parents.
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Typical
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That would be me in this case. I in turn blame the carpet cleaning association.
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In that case, I blame the kids.
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Those bloody kids, don’t get me started on them.
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Though in my long-winding complaint to whoever answers the phone at the Dry Cleaning Association, I will try to get in some complaint about their upbringing.
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Lehan this is the recorded message from the Carpet Cleaning Association, “Welcome to the CCA, your call is important to us, you have been placed in the far queue, one of our operators will be with you shortly, please remember your call may be recorded to use in evidence against you…..”
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Hung, you hang on until you get someone on the line, and then regardless of whether they are the right people or not, to go into a completely endless monologue that renders them incapable of getting off the line. The longer you can do this for the more pleasurable it becomes. Once you’ve got them eager to put you through to the person above them, you should go there and then come back to them a short time afterwards, having forgotten that there was something you wanted to know. Knowing that you will have no success with the Dry Cleaners Association (Carpeting Division) is no reason for not putting in a big of training when the opportunity presents itself.
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Thanks for the advice LWR
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