The Joy of ageing with Milk bottle Lenses. (no walking stick)
April 25, 2013
The joy of ageing with Milk bottle Lenses. (No walking stick)
The eye test is scheduled for 30th of April at 10am sharp. The hearing test will be May the 13th, anytime after 2pm and in Sydney. In both cases bring your health benefit card!
The right eye is being threatened by a good bout of (old) age related Macular disease resulting in loss of vision. It is irreparable but a good diet is advised and there can be injections into the affected eye that may be of some help as well. There are lots of aids including magnifying glasses, super strong spectacles with milk bottle lenses, enlarged print in books and change the settings on computers to giant format with an added opportunity for those that as the loss of vision increases and a thick depression blankets in, you can share your loss with an experienced counselor who will ease you into accepting that life is short, and anyway,” it doesn’t last forever”. Have you chosen your casket yet? That’s just such great news. Keep up your pecker Gerard.
I know I should fear large brown bears or trucks on the footpaths, but loss of vital organs is in a class of their own. I mean, can’t read the small print on the gas bill anymore? What could possibly be worse? Can’t hear the ads on channel 10 or 7, those lovely jingles by Harvey Norman’s ‘Get it now” exhorting us to buy the latest nest of woven plastic tables and chairs for outdoor dining together with a gleaming turbo driven eight burner stainless steel kitchen cum barbeque life style enhancement.
Why then do we get so many ads relating to funeral cost protection lately? You get to see this happy family cavorting with kids on a sloping lawn with the wife beaming happily in the knowledge that her hubby has taken out a good solid funeral protection plan. He looks so proud! It all adds so much to lifestyle. What are they trying to tell us? Should we ask the funeral organizers to put the cremation retort on low or stand-by? Is that part of ‘life-style’ as well or is it more of a death-style? How’s your death- style going might well be the next catchy phrase? Is it still thriving, getting warm?
If that is all what lays ahead it can’t be too bad? There is still lovely food and nice conversations with friends and family but I do resist the temptation of the old and weary to rabbit on about ‘the good old days’ when petrol was 2shillings and six pence a gallon and Franquin the Great Magician was as hilarious an evening of entertainment it could ever get. I just put on the ‘for the hearing impaired’ ear phones and listen yet again to ‘le piano du pauvre.’
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LeD-B-KSwgs
Nothing could chase the grandkids back home to mum and dad quicker than when I put on that piece of music and ask H for yet another fox-trot. (Or talk about the benefits of a Jules Verne book)
I have learnt my lesson well and leave the kids to their IPod, Pad, Tablets and Apps and console myself that a similar fate will befall them as well. “You will all be lucky to get out of it alive, I tell them”. They look a bit bewildered when I say that. Oma puts them at rest and says “your Opa is just kidding you”; “he is always joking and making fun.” “Don’t take him seriously!” “He is going gaga.”
I can still put on my own socks and you walk rather briskly, so my lovely wife tells me.
This journey is still ongoing.
Tags: Casket, Cremation, Depression, Gasbill, Harvey Norman, Macular, Retort Posted in Gerard Oosterman |
Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle 
You’ve got your awareness. Whoopy doo Gez. You can talk about it, as aggrieved as you are with concerns about grabbing nirses on the bum etcetera. Geeez, Gez, Big M’ll be so pissed about that he’ll swipe y’ one and then you stalk him with a fart tube and claim it was a case of mistaken identity. Geeez, Gez, hold it in. 🙂
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i guess you can always get a wooden eye. No, in all seriousness, I’m sorry to hear that. I have seen patients interviewed who claim complete improvements with injections, but, then not everything works for everybody.
Don’t know that Milo will be much of a seeing eye dog. I just had a vision of Gerard being dragged through the park, and down the creek as part of Milo’s short cut to Aldi’s. I guess there’s always cheap Shiraz!
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Yes, the ear-phones are amazing but not just any earphone. It has to be for the hard of hearing. I bought a normal one for $100.- from Dick Smith( remote), it just amplified the sound but did not help. I then bought one from Aldi’s for $50.- or so, especially designed for the hard hearing and…fantastic.. every sound as clear as a bell, can even hear the actors breathing. As for eyesight, the degenerative macular is at present irreparable. Fortunately it is just one eye. I bought an E-reader, what a blessing. Sony got a mother’s day special for $99.-
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My husband has a similar problem to you and the earphones I have bought have been excellent. First lot carked it as bits fell off (lasted for about 12 years), second lot were not what they were cracked up to be re the recharge gadget. Third lot (bought last year) are so good and they work over a huge distance. Sorry about the eye. Hubby had cataracts which after the ops were done gave him better eye sights than he had ever had – quite remarkable.
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Gez, my sympathies to you too. I’ve always had coke bottle spectacles. These were not wonderful gifts as a child, but way better than being blind.
The ageing thing I like least is a toss up between losing the ability to enjoy a really good uninterrupted 8 hours’ snooze – and discovering at the start or the end of a day a different bit that hurts for no good reason. Back pain shits me to tears – and takes days of nasty drugs to nail down.
Body parts can sneaky little traitors. Why, for example do hairs suddenly sprout from unhelpful places and disappear from the top of the head, for example ?
A helpful friend, the other day reminded me that these little malfeasances are the result of pushing a design (i.e. the human body) intended by the Creator to run for 35-45 years to twice that. I say “Fuck you, helpful friend !”
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Of course the delights of smoking have long gone since, together with so many other enjoyable cultural habits. We now ingest more tablets than ever before but they are just not as satisfying as the pipe, cigar or cigarette.
Let’s also not forget that instead of smoking we now suck on sugar, salt and fats as never before. Even so, we live longer or at least stay alive longer but is it still hotly debated if it is ‘living’ when the number of Alzheimer and dementia suffering people are skyrocketing and queuing up by the millions at the gates of places with names such as Eventide, Golf-shore Delight, or Heritage Thistle.
I don’t want to grow old and in my demented state start grabbing nurses by the bum or mumble obscenities in church and suck up farts in a bicycle pump and then stalk my best and equally old and fading friend and give him the full benefit of a recently digested Brussel sprout blast.
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My sympathies to you Gerard. You can invest in good ear phone (remote) for the tele and with a bit of a luck an operation might fix the eye sight. I hope it all isn’t too bad.
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