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Look, I’m having trouble suspendering belief too …. just go with me…..
Midgetall Dischief by Warrigal
I’ve just been reunited with the best dog in the world, no, the best dog in the universe and have returned to the manor to find Helvi waiting for us in the sitting room. “Helvi, wow, fantastic, how did you get here?” I ask. “Good afternoon you two cuties. I’m Helvi-tastic Model A1” replies Helvi! Helvi is a droid? Does Gez know? My mind is racing. “Oh Helvi, so you are a droid?” asks Belinda. “Yes Belinda. Gordon got my creator to make me in the likeness of Helvi as part of the SNAP program. I’m your SNAP Coordinator.” Bloody acronyms, I hate bloody acronyms. “SNAP Helvi?” I ask stupidly “Model A1?” “Yes Sandy, SNAP stands for Space Normalisation Adaptation Process. I will help you settle into village life. And yes my creator wouldn’t make any more models as it’s impossible to improve on perfection” Helvi informs us.
“Now lets get you two dressed” says the Helvi-tastic as she marches off into the bedroom. Helvi opens the wardrobe and there are a small amount of clothes hanging up and some drawers. “Now strip off Sandy” instructs Helvi. “But Helvi I hardly know you” I gush as I feel my cheeks going red. “Now Sandy, I’m a woman of the world and seeing you naked is not going to overload my circuits.” With that, Belinda and Helvi break into laughter. I disrobe and remove my slippers. “Hmmm, not bad Belinda, but such a small thing” jokes Helvi as she opens a drawer and throws me a pair of jocks. “Here, put these on.” I pull on the jocks and within a few seconds, they adjust to fit me perfectly. In fact these are the most comfortable jocks I’ve ever had. Before I even get to ask Helvi pipes in “All of the clothing here is self adjustable. G. King makes them. Nanobots adjust everything to suit your shape and size. They will also adjust the clothing based on temperature and other data they receive from the central computer.” “Catherine?” I bemoan, “The control freak of a computer that walks around the ship as a cat. I hate cats”. Suddenly my jocks tighten and my goolies are being crushed. The pain is immense and I drop to the ground. “Catherine, let Sandy’s nuts go” says Helvi. “Catherine, let him go please. Remember in the next few chapters he learns about programming” Helvi states calmly. The jocks loosen up and go back to normal. Better be careful for the next few chapters it would seem.
Helvi tosses me some pants, a shirt and a light jacket. I put them on and the same thing happens. The clothes adjust to fit me perfectly and I feel very comfortable. Socks and shoes, all the same, wow, this G King must be some sort of genius. “So now Sandy, why don’t you go over to the pub for a few pints while I make this charming young princess of yours ever more beautiful then she already is” Helvi says. Darn just when we were getting to the good bit, but Helvi-tastic was right, she is perfect, a woman telling you to go and have a few ales, perfect all right.
Bowlings a bit tight Hung. You seem to have been stuck on 55 for a while. Might need to bring in some big hitters.
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Gutsy half century Algy, looks like thats the best option
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Beautiful shot
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Past the fielder at mid off
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All the way along the carpet
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Into the fence, 4 runs, lovely shot
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I see things are more or less back to what for it passes for normal over at Unleashed…
Which is to say, paranoid as f**k…
The blog on legalizing drugs cannot be responded to and although it says it’s received 108 responses, it is impossible to read them following the ‘read all responses’ button. I couldn’t get to look at the responses on the religious blog either…
😉
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Unleashed is dysfunctional- in the sense that it is not functioning!
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Thank Gordon for the Pigs Arms he says as he inches to 28 with a clip off his pads down to fine leg
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I see that apart from his ‘migital dischief’, we now have a woonerising Sparrigal…
😉
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Smooth
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I can’t go to the dot… I know the next time I do it will be truncated; decapitated; and all those lovely stories and dialogues will be consigned to the anonymity of the archives. I mourn for the dot… our most successful blog so far, and from such humble beginnings. RIP dottus ignominious…
😦
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asty, I hasn’t been truncated yet. Is it true that it started as beef tartare with an egg.
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I just visited it Algae… and it is indeed still as you say. but I couldn’t hang about… it was like waiting for the axe to fall…
And no, Algae, that’s not true… The Beef Tartare blog was one of Gez’s contributions… but that was at least a full blog… with a text and pictures and everything.
This poor little dot had no text whatsoever beyond a single pronoun, first person singular… a single capital letter ‘I’… which was kidnapped by evildoers some time ago. I reckon the dot was unique in the whole history of blogdom…
Poor little dot… gone… and never called me ‘mother’…
😉
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Look hate to be pedantic but the discover of the dot was the Right Honourable Hung One On who on Aug 5 6.31pm discovered the dot and said “Yes finally someone on my level”. The astute Sir Astyages was next on Aug 6 11.36pm who said “Hung I thing G3 just laid an egg”. Any challengers?(as he brings up 30)
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Could be in the mood for back to back, hey Algy
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I only thought that, asty as this web address comes up when you click onto the “.” blog. https://pigsarms.com.au/boeuf-tartare-avec-un-oeuf/. The dot has a life all its own.
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Interesting Algae…
Perhaps you have stumbled upon some deep and mysterious secret, perhaps having to do with the very origins of the dot.
Was there a connection between this culinary article and the creation of the dot? And if so, what was the nature of that connection?
Scientists will ponder the meanings of this accidental discovery for decades to come…
Unless, of course, you can think of some explanation?
🙂
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What bleedin dot?
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Perhaps the dot cross bred with the tartare beef. Maybe the dot is the egg. Maybe a band of “I”s stole the beef.
I think your right though, Scientists will ponder it for decades to come.
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I must have been on hols when you were dotted off??
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Too slow
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Its a consistant knock Hung, more in the Katich style. 50 is a strong possiblity.
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Am I the only one with my email on to check posts?
Most of you seem to make random remarks after I start on the chamomile.
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I don’t. Should I.
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You can then answer, thus.
Hello.
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Hello
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Oops too high..
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I can see my inbox being filled up doing this.
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Jules, the dot on the home page
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Dear Hung,
I remain none the wiser.
Yours Sincerely,
Perplexed, West Wittering Sussex .
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Jules, go to pigsarms.com.au, top of screen right under pages is a dot, click on the dot to become a secret member of the dot
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I hope I won’t get accused of too much xenoglossia but when it comes to cricket it’s all runs and ducks for me. Even so Hung I feel often inclined to recubation to fully enjoy your articles.
I suppose the petaliferous nature of the game escapes simpletons like me. By the way. What happened to the Beardsley massive ? Did it join the Index Expurgatorius or is it still in the Index of Librorum Prohibitorum ?
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Gee Gez all dem big words, I running scared now
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I think our Gez is suffering from a clear case of sesquipedaelianism, Hung.
🙂
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What?
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SESQUIPEDAELIANISM, Hung… it means ‘the unwarranted use of long words’… good inni’?
😉
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Oh Thanks Asty as he pinches a single to mid on
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Looking at the fence in Warrigal’s Mischief pic, I am stariting to think it should not be called a ‘picket’ fence; a more apt name would be a ‘cricket ‘ fence.
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That’s not much of a pitch Helvi!
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Or even a ‘railway station fence’, eh, Helvi?
Bloody funny place to stick a wicket if you ask me Jayell…
😉
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I think that my ‘pitch’ flew over the boundary!!
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Over the boundary is ‘six and out’ Jayell!
😉
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I got jumbled then. I thought that you were replying to my DOT query, below. Or above I lose track.,
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I see you’ve bought the old bloke out for your next innings Hung. Didn’t realise that he was Welsh though.
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I never knew he was a south paw; but maybe he was/is getting ready for a sweeper and he’s changed grip or maybe he was/is ambidextrous.
You just can’t be sure. It’s a”Hung” universe. Anything can happen in the next half hour!
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Aha! I see you’re a fan of Thunderbirds too, Mirriyuula!
Now that WAS a ‘hung’ universe! Hung from strings that is!
🙂
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Is that Mustaffa Game??
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Happy birthday Jules. As for Algy thanks for the century
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Cheers!
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Could be, but that other bloke is definitely Surly Ponting from Avignon. (I theenk, Senor!))
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Just got back from walking the dogs, over the bridge!!
————-
Amusing Hung but I can’t see another ton, sorry.
Plus I haven’t got the energy tonight.
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Well Algy, they are renown for bringing back old warriors aren’t they?
PS: Thanks for the century in part 1
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This ones making steady progress Hung. Methinks back to back tons may be hard though.
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HOO, I love being the wardrobe master, pity I did not get a job in some Italian film company.
It all started with my many dolls, then I dressed my younger sisters , my own kids, hubby resisted in the early days, but now he’s more obliging or some say ‘obedient’…
Girlfriends have always been happy to take me on their clothes shopping excursions.
I let you on a little secret Hung, it’s the 5% of elastene that makes the underpnts fit, even Gez is now looking for it when shopping for new underdaks. 🙂
I find it a rather endearing sight; hubby looking at the labels for guidance…
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You did a great job for Belinda and Sandy Helvi, thank you. As I am mates with the author apparently the Helvi-tatsic plays a bigger part in the story in the future….
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Yes Helvi dear.
I do need tighter fit now-a-days. Things are starting to fall out when I use the chain saw with one leg up holding the log down.
I don’t want you to feel any horripilation now.
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