Pics by Warrigal
Belinda here. Helvi and I have taken the S.S. Julian II out into space while Sandy is having rehabilitation after hitting, well head butting, the winning runs in the one day final on Missen for the Male Nurses United. Our enemy, Lord John “The Rat” Howard had threatened to take military action against the Flongians so we decided to lure him away. We left behind 500 elite Helvi trained troops to protect Sandy just in case, at the advice of our garrison commander Al, Al Foyle. Al’s sort of spooky, he has these deep blue eyes, just like Sandy when he hasn’t been on the shiraz, and he doesn’t say much but seems to able to figure things out brilliantly.
The Julian has the fire power to match the Rats death ball. The big problem is the Death Ball’s defence shield which, like ours, protects the ship from space debris to laser cannon fire. Helvi and I call a meeting with Al, GO, Catherine and Warrigal. “Okay everyone” I start “anyone got any ideas on how we are going to get them to turn off the defence shield?” “How about we tell them I want to paint it?” says GO as he writes the words ‘cark it’ on a piece of paper and ponders off into the distance. “I know” says Warrigal “why don’t we just ask them to turn it off for a bit” Hmm, We are getting no where fast and without any farcical powers I can see I’m going to need a piece of complex fiction to solve this quandary. Al just sits and smiles however Catherine pipes in “I have an idea, lets ask Julian, he will know being a ship himself?” “Great idea “ says Helvi “And tell him we will fight and die heroes and martyrs” Do you get the idea Helvi has a death wish?
So as usual it takes a while for Catherine to get the answer back from Julian so we head for the pub. Dave the guitar droid is playing some Bill Withers and Michael the publican is doing a crossword. “Tonic water thanks Michael” as I settle in my chair. Of course all the guys get pints of Trotters, terrible stuff, makes you a bit trippy. I’m listening to the music when Catherine strolls in, in her cat mode and jumps up on the bar. “Well Julian has a solution” Catherine informs “See Howard is a cricket freak so Julian says to send the two cricket droids we picked up in the last junk sale, you know, Mark War and Shame Worn”. The bar goes deadly quiet, this is complex fiction at its best. “So I call Howard and tell him the droids want to come over for a chat and present him with the ball that took Mike Gatting’s wicket that went on to be called the ball of the century”. Yes I remember Sandy raving on forever and a day about that ball “But Catherine how will that get rid of Howard?” I ask. “Well” replies Catherine “in the Mark War droid will be a B.O.M.B.” An acronym, lucky Sandy’s not here “An acronym Catherine?” “No not an acronym young Bel, a real bomb, a WaughHead.”
Emmjay said:
Hungy, this is just a short note to say what a total hoot I think your stories are. I love a pun and a sound gag – surprising, I know – but sometimes I am blown away by your thingamy-jig ad absurdum.
Aweeffing some.
Is there any chance that the Calcutta cutters or the Bombay bombers can do over little Johnnie ? Weaken all live in hope, I spose.
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Hung One On said:
Thanks Michael. As you created Father O’Way is good to see you like the results
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Hung One On said:
Wow, 10 responses without even trying
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astyages said:
Oh… and good story, btw… YO!
😉
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Hung One On said:
Thanks Harpagus, have your signed copy ready, just waiting for Tutu’s roster so I can come over, am practising, really starting to get my mojo back
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Big M said:
Didn’t know your Mojo was missing!
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Hung One On said:
Bean struggling to play my guitar, now different
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astyages said:
Am looking forward to Saturday with eager anticipation, Hung… Haven’t seen Abner, so I don’t know if he’ll show; but I’ll ring him before then anyway and try to get him to come; it’s nice having someone to help keep the beat…
😉
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Hung One On said:
I have been learning some of the tunes, Loco. Tequila so we see how we go. I haven’t played much in the last six years so be patient. The good thing is I am actually enjoying it.
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astyages said:
Would that be a ‘nucular’ Waughhead Hung? And how come Father O’Blivion over at Unleashed says he’s not you?
😉
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Hung One On said:
Coz he’s not I
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Emmjay said:
He’s not me either. But how pissed am I about the totally disappearing Persimmons ?
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Big M said:
A real B.O.M.B, thank Gordon!
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Hung One On said:
Go the mass has ended, may Gordon be with you
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astyages said:
See what I mean… there you go with all that religious mumbo-jumbo; and you expect me to believe you’re NOT Father O’Blivion?
😉
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Hung One On said:
I actually thought that you were FOB given your Zappa connection
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astyages said:
Exactly why I thought it was your good self… Hmmm Hudson also admitted to liking FZ… do you think it could be him? Or maybe it’s Groucho in disguise; I haven’t seen Groucho over there for a looooooong time…
😉
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Hung One On said:
Hudson has an excellent writing style and I read most of his stuff. Groucho is a leftie like me but I notice he is keeping his answers and posts much shorter these days. Haven’t seen Felix or Devils Advocate for a long time. They were interesting characters.
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Warrigal said:
“Shame Worn”, nyuk nyuk nyuk. I’ve only just got it; priceless!
This job must be taking more out of me than I care to admit. Either that or I’m just slow.
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Hung One On said:
As your personal nurse, take two panadol, see your doctor if pain persists
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