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Well, Father O’Way here, I mean look firstly she told me she was sixteen, sorry not my child, I was outta town that night anyway, I was just trying to show her the Heimlich Manoeuvre honest, boy so many questions. So the Bish banishes me to Indonesia, over a little fling with the housekeeper and bit of dope left in my boogie board bag, I mean it was only a few kilos. Filling in for 2 weeks at Kerobokan Prison as resident Chaplain with my little Shappy, I mean, this was going to be hell, pardon the pun.
Shappy said most people sleep on the floor of their cell. Hers sleeps 6 and is a tight fit. I asked why they didn’t use bunk beds. “It’s very tight in there.” said Shappy, pointing to her sarong, hmmm I thought, I love a tight fit. Shappy said she couldn’t give me any info on what was going on. I said, “But people are interested in your mental state and your cleavage oops I mean conditions?” She said she was holding up okay and when I told her that the guards and the media were saying she wasn’t accepting visitors, she said don’t believe everything you read in the press, especially anything on the bulletin board at the Pig’s Arms. Shappy said there’s no tennis court at Kerobokan as reported in the newspaper, I mean fecking hell, no tennis court!
I asked her about the lack of daylight, she said she has gotten used to the fluorescent light being on the whole time, “Christ, oops sorry Father, not even a fecking energy saver”. The press likes to exaggerate everything and one source said she had not seen the light of day for 6 months. When I saw her she looked tanned, more tanned than me. She has an ample breast line, curvy waist, long legs and a million dollar smile. “Father, Father”, she yelped, “No hands please, but lower Father, much much lower”.
We bribe the guard with a Pig’s Arms t-shirt to let us go downtown, I mean, who wouldn’t want a Pigs Arm’s t-shirt. We walk to the Hotel Intan Bali and stop for a bevy at the Kakatua Lobby Bar. Shappy says the beers are crap here. I tell her I have a six pack of Trotters, she looks at me “Father, I’d do anything for a Trotters, I mean anything”. So we go down the beach and we have a photo taken of us in the sand as we knock back a few ales. I ask Shappy if there was one message to give people back home, something that would show that she was innocent. After a long pause she replied “Yes Father, can someone mind my hydro!”
from the Pig’s Arms’ correspondent in Bali, well, Hung
Big M said:
Love the photo, Father. Good to see you spreading the blessings amongst ALL of your flock, including those who can’t afford enough clothes to keep their mammaries covered!
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Hung One On said:
Bless you my son, SON!
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Big M said:
I do feel blessed!
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H said:
Yo…
You should trim that beard of yours a bit better, HOO. We bought a nice little steel rake to get rid of all Milos shedding hairs. Feel free to borrow it, Gez was shocked at the price, $34.95…
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Hung One On said:
Yeah, right. 35 bucks is an awful lot of money, I mean that’s two bottles of Redman’s Shiraz
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Hung One On said:
yo GO. It’s funny, sometimes I have a lot to say but can’t be bothered typing it all out so “yo” became a good out.
What really surprised me about yo was when it got published on your blog on Unleashed.
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Hung One On said:
This was supposed to appear below Gerard’s comment
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Algernon said:
Which one is Sandy, Hung.
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Hung One On said:
I think Sandy is the one holding the stubby of Trotters Ale
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Algernon said:
So not the dopey one on the right
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Hung One On said:
Apparently not
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astyages said:
‘Can anyone mind my hydro’ indeed! Hung you’re a naughty, naughty boy! Good story but! (See, I’m learning how to speak “South ‘Strine” finally… I ended a sentence with ‘but’… Oh, that’s twice; a double-header!)
🙂
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Hung One On said:
Lets just say my childhood was an interesting experience
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gerard oosterman said:
Well done, well, Hung.
Especially with the transformation of the Pig’s Arms. So much clearer and better. Not bad for someone who would just pretend on ‘yo’ being his sole world and skill.
Thank you for your excellent job, yo.
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