The worst thing that has overcome us lately is to trust the written word. When we moved, we wanted the e-mail, internet and phone pronto. The magic word nowadays from the smarmy merchants of the techno-connect world is ‘bundling’ which of course is not far removed from bungling.

We were amazed to hear we could not get a landline and internet from’ Yes Optus’ at the address we had moved to. They, the Yes Optus team, suggested wireless ‘Yes’ fusion plan with a phone through the computer and all calls except mobile free for a modest $ 79. – Per month. It includes all national and international calls and up to 2GB of data usage’. Now, I would not know a mega-bite from a gig-bite or what the $0.15 cents per MB meant when you go over the 2GB. It did not sound too excessive. We liked the idea of a free phone including all calls and particularly liked the ending of their letter enclosed with the delivery of a box with all the gizmos, with, ‘We’re delighted to have you with us’. ‘Yes Optus’.

The next thing was a bill clearly showing their delight. It wasn’t $ 79.-. It was $ 723.45. With 5307 MB over the 2GB at 0.15 cents per MB. I pleaded that for $20 more we could have got the ‘Yes’ fusion plan for 7GB of Data.

But that’s not all. Get a bit closer will youse? We changed to the 7GB promptly and got a discount of 40% on the bill, still left us to fork out $ 479. – Boy was we ropable.

But that’s not all.

I had initiated an online account with a usage meter letting us know how we were going with those fucking mega-bites. It was a nervous few day of watching the graph but we were keeping well within 7 GB and started to relax a bit. We had used 70% of data and only 5 days left. Even had the audacity of taking a few days off to stay at Summer-Hill without computers, when after return I noticed the usage had reached 100% and with still 2 days to go, I was again almost doubled up with ‘Yes Optus’ rage.  The usage was going ahead full steam and we were not even using the computer.

But that’s not all.

It turns out that some bastard; any bastard really can use this system if the “wire free” or Wlan has not been disabled. Like any ratbag in this 36 town house estate could calmly open his laptop and get access through double brick walls and acres of tiled bathrooms and peruse all the shaved havens he (or she )could muster at the Oosterman’s ‘Yes Optus” Fusion plan expense. Not a word about this little scam in any “Yes’ fusion booklets. No ‘Yes Optus’ warnings of any kind to disable the Wlan or ensure protection through pass words.

 We now drive to the library and get free internet till tomorrow when the new month starts. The moral of the story is that no matter what one chooses in life. It all seems destined to suck money out of unexpected corners. Most people like ‘wire free’ but, I can tell you, unless you embed it with pass words or, preferably disable the ‘wire free’ and ‘cable connect’ direct to the modem you could easily end up broke, sleeping in a railway tunnel. Not a word that neighbours can access one’s internet.  Amazing technology.

There is a shop in Hurstville’s Westfield which sells mobile phones with ‘free dermal injections’ including ‘music streaming’. It’s all getting too much.

What happened to the world of ‘Smokey Dawson?’ We are all “Yes Fused.” and will be lucky to get out of it alive.