Leaving Shoes
Editor’s note:
Apparently Foodge’s message was a bit too garbled….. here’s the cat properly out of the bag ….
Painting and Story by Lehan Winifred Ramsay
This is the story of a kingdom far, far away. Where the old men divided up the goodies of the land and held on to them, refusing to let them make things better for everybody. Today I am thinking that it’s a country that people grow old too fast in, and so cannot think of how to make a better place.
Really, this is a story of my leaving. To anyone who ever asked me why I stayed, I always told them that it was because every day of my life here there had been something new. But I got tired of struggling. Some dust must have entered my eye, and I could no longer see new things, but old and tired things.
This is not the story that I put a bright and excited face on returning to Australia. This is a story where I tell it how I feel it. It was cold, and things felt never-endingly grim. All around me seemed to be people who were only just managing, dragging too many set ways along with them. Even the people with a bit of spirit seemed only lightly alive, and I felt squashed down under all of them.
There was something enchanting in my eyes for a long time, and then some dust got in. And I got tired, so I am leaving, and I am a little afraid of my future. I made some kind of dream for myself, this house and those animals, but in the end it was only me, and too heavy for me, and I have to let it go. Not knowing if I will ever have a chance to make it again.
Everyone needs some kinds of tokens for taking a big step don’t they? Mine are a pair of cheap shoes, ivory coloured, made of light rubber. They won’t last me for very long, and they will pick up a lot of dirt, but they are a pleasure to walk in. If ever I wanted a business to succeed, it would be selling these shoes. Who could not love them? I’m not going to start a business though, I think I must be a bad businessperson, I couldn’t make my school succeed. So these shoes and I are going to walk out the door of Japan on April 30, leaving behind the dream house that I made, the animals that were my family, and some kind of enchantment that after 20 years, one day wore too thin to keep me following.
Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle 
Wow, Lehan. Don’t know what to say. But, sometimes your life shrinks, and the evidence builds up in your head that you have to move in a difficult direction, and it takes a long time for your heart to catch up. When it does, your life has the opportunity to expand again.
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I’ve been swamped with work here and had little time to swing my eyeballs towards the pub. Just done so a minute ago and read this.
A very moving piece, Lehan. More so because it is real and even more so because it concerns one of our own piglets, all of whom are very dear to my heart.
More so, still, of course, because we have a daughter not that far away from you and, though we do not in the slightest, wish to cramp her journey through life, we still wish that she were near enough for us to put our arms around her.
We don’t feel the wrenching that you must be feeling now but we do feel a wrenching. It would probably be the same wrenching if we felt that our daughter was going through the same turmoil that you’re now going through; and I certainly hope she never does and that if she is ever was faced with the question of leaving her new home to come back here to her old one, it will be for good reason and with much less pain. She, too has spent twelve years in Japan, though with periods of holidaying with us.
The fifth century dramatists had to present trilogies because they thought that life itself was divided into three journeys. The riddle of the Sphinx which Oedipus solved and which, ultimately brought about his own demise and the demise of his house, was a riddle that was resolved with this trilogous journey through life.
But it is a silly view. Simplistic in the extreme because, like Solon taught Croesus, every second of our life is a journey; a change from one state to another, a change directed by the gods and we should delude ourselves into thinking that we know what the next step in that journey will bring. To think that we know the will of the gods is to commit the gravest of sins: hubris. Arrogance. Impertinence. Lethal, mortal sin.
Another philosopher, Heraclitus had observed something similar with his “everything is in a state of flux” (panta rhei) and that “one cannot step into the same river twice.”
We move. Sometimes consciously, sometimes not so. Sometimes voluntarily, sometimes by outside forces. Sometimes from a glittering throne to a tin shed and sometimes the other way. Our first step is from oblivion to life and our last one is back to oblivion. And in between we never stop moving. Even if we think we have.
The Universe is an organism and organisms are dynamic. They move. They journey. They love novelty. The new state, the new view, the new explosion, the new emotion, the new shape, the new colour, the new solicitude to our five senses.
But you’re quite correct, too, in observing that people, particularly those old people you see round you, in Japan, don’t like journeys. They repel change. No wish to work with new ideas. They are dragging their old, set ways around and, at the same time, stop everyone around them from shedding these old ways, from escaping these ultra conservative, repressive, oppressive ways and moving on, like all organisms should. Life becomes grim when the new is constantly rejected. The eyes become cloudy, lose their shine, their magical, youthful ability to see.
Time for us then, to put our shoes on, old or new it doesn’t matter and take a new step. Forward, backward, it doesn’t matter either. It matters to journey.
The Greek-Egyptian poet Kavafi, wrote about the journey being far more important than the destination. A poem called “Ithaka.” And his near-contemporary novelist from Crete, Kazantzakis, said pretty much the same thing about the old sea farer, Odysseus and his epic adventure, the “Odyssey.” In his “Sequel…” Kazantzakis has Odysseus feeling restless and totally unable to deal with the placid and quiet kingdom on his island, with his loyal wife, son and servants and sends him off to a new adventure, this time spiritual. He had seen what happened to his ship mates when they ate the lotus fruit, the fruit of contentment.
We are not made to sit still, we are organisms in every respect. We must journey. Forward or back it doesn’t matter. What matters is the journey.
I think you should wear it as a medal, Lehan, the fact that you are a bad businessperson, though I certainly don’t like the word “bad.” Simply, some people are business people and some are not. Those who are not, don’t do business. They do other things. and you certainly do other things and do them brilliantly. That’s the medal on your other lapel.
Bah!
It’s another ramble, Lehan. I didn’t mean it to be when I started off on its journey but, there you have it. It’s meant to make you feel better and it’s meant also to untangle some thoughts in my head, like hanging the washing out on the line, for the sun and the breeze to fill it with life again. To see if it’s clean.
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Love that Kafafi poem ‘Ithaka’, atomou.
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Stunning comment, our ‘Mou.
An ornament to the PA.
A warm handshake and a middy of Ouzo 🙂
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That was a great comment, Atomou. I need to reconsider. ‘Tis a journey I am setting out on, not a leaving at all. Lucky I’ve packed quite lightly, letting go of the last twenty year’s weight. On this journey I will be no longer accompanied by the security of pets and homes and routine, and thus stripped down I feel far too vulnerable, it will take some getting used to. But this far stripped down I feel the inevitability of moving forward anyway.
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Travelling light is the best way to travel Lehan… it allows you more freedom; and think about this too, when you get here, your ‘leaving shoes’ will be ‘arriving shoes’; one chapter of your life may be ending, but that only means another one is beginning… Nice to see another article of yours on the Drum, too!
🙂
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What a wretch for you Lehan, after 20 years that has become home and moving back to Australia will take some adjusting. Mrs Algernon was raised in country WA then moved to Perth. She’s lived in Sydney for 24 years and it took a long time for this place to be home.
Take care of yourself and keep safe. I hope the moving does not become a burden for you.
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I’m sorry to hear that you’re so sad about it, Lehan, but glad you’re coming back to Oz… we were all just a tad worried about you on the quiet… and you’ll be leaving on my birthday too!
🙂
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Hey happy birthday T2 if I’m off-line on the day.
A friend in Australia said; maybe you could go back when you are “fresh talent” again, rather than a long-term foreigner moving sideways. But I’m hoping to make a good start, get down to enjoying life in Australia, not want to leave again. I’ll be working on that.
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Onya mate! Merv! A pint of Trotters for me Ozzie mate!
🙂
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Great news. We’ve all been quietly worrying!
Hopefully we can all meet up for a Pink Drink, or a pint of Trotter’s!!
Funny how Foodge always seems to know what’s going on.
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Big M, I’ve heard tell his ears have been known to hold up traffic when he’s crossing a street. He’s a dinkum asset in this establishment.
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Yes ‘shoe, his finger and the pulse are never too far from each other.
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Heroic leap, here, Big. But a great vote of confidence !
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I wish you all the very best. It is a new beginning or a new journey as they say now. Change. It’ll be all right. I’m sure all here send you good vibes.
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Hi Vivienne, I’m pleased to report that some parsley has come up in my garden, despite the temperatures being so damned low (7 degrees in the day yesterday – in Spring!). I planted all the seeds, because I knew that I couldn’t take them back, but some people will rent my house for a while and they love herbs, and the garden will be the more beautiful for it!
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Great – I knew it was vigorous. When you get settled here let me know and I’ll get your address and send you more seeds.
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Oh that’s really great Vivienne! I was wanting to ask you, but thought it might be a bit rude…
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Have to confess that we assembled a small parcel for you, Lehan, but, me being me, haven’t sent it. Will send it to Northern NSW instead!
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It’ll make it feel like I live there, M. That will be good.
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Lehan, thank you and stay safe.
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I think things are going to be much the same at the pub, hung – I’ll still be there sitting by the jukebox waiting for someone to forget their change. But in reality I’ll be in northern NSW for a while.
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Things are happening for me as result of my making a decision Saturday afternoon to first thing near possible Monday morning email to the Residential Tenancies Tribunal Advice link and pour my heart out about my disappointment with my tenancy of my property, its neglect, my despair I have not been able to utilise its potential as I had anticipated. I carbon copied to my rental agency… so much has happened in the time since Saturday afternoon that is in the realm of magical and potential, including a preliminary assistance of the rental agency taking matters in their own hands to remove furniture and rubbish out of the shed and garage on grounds of having repeatedly giving notice to the landlord.
My view includes that the agency had no business sense in the first place letting an alleged garage alone with so much vermin friendly rubbish in it and spider’s cobwebs and furniture, it constituted a hazard to the tenant in the house in close proximity … and an entire frontage related to tourist activity and the preparation over the road of foodstuffs.
I have just finished downloading tribunal forms to apply for compensation according to links to a general area of information provided me by return email from the Tribunal. Having noticed Leaving Shoes, your new post in my email, I read it there immediately. I was suffused with a deep sense of relief and sadness as strong as any I have experienced, Lehan. Washed with it so tears came to the undersurface of my eyes. Your ability to communicate your heart and provide -at the same time – rational values that situate a reader in the context of your meaning bowls me.
You will be able to travel if you can afford and wish to experience my environment with some surety that I will be at this interesting address for the following 12 months likely-and I am creative and capable making ends meet if you are concerned about financial matters. Some opportune luck has come my way since Saturday afternoon regards both this property and my confidence about my belonging here for that interim at least.
PS Please check the post office to determine if my small parcel for you arrived to its care.
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I forgot to sign my post and that seems in this case appropriate.
Sincere regards from Shoe. X
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That is beautful work your painting.
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Hi Shoe, thanks for your words, and I hope I do get to visit you some time. I guess it’ll be a while before I’m holidaying like ordinary people though…it’s going to take some assimilation.
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Lehan, are you coming back to Australia?
You say that people in Japan are growing old too soon. At the moment I’m struggling with Australia’s unwillingness to change, the unwillingness to improve…
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. We keep sticky-taping our hospitals together, instead of building new ones. In my excitement I misread the 13 new hospital beds to mean thirteen new HOSPITALS!
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…love your painting, hope it is not the last one we’ll see here. Good luck with everything, Lehan.
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Hi Helvi,
Yes, I’m returning to Australia, I’ll be staying with my family for a while in northern NSW. I’ll keep posting, though I don’t know when I’ll be painting again (though maybe another one or two before I leave).
It’s a big thing, this leaving, so forgive me if I appear to be weeping into my beer now and again.
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Hah! That’s very funny emmjay. I didn’t read the Foodge Report because I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself! That cheers me up enormously!
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I’m chuffed, Lehan. Cheers to you !
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