I know how much you like to get on the tools in preference to boring sh1t like running the country, and I think this has been one of your great strengths – tool-wise you can do almost anything.
Nothing seems to faze you – from flying fighter planes, driving tanks, doing a fast lap as a Mount Paranormal navigator, making bits of stuff, hammer and nail. Struth – even sweeping up an already swept up gym floor and striking fear into the hearts of everyone risking a quick salon shampoo.
We’ve been really impressed how you’ve become a great outdoorsman (still waiting for you to shear a sheep – if Barnhouse Joy lets you) replete with Viyella shirt, moleskins and RM ding boots.
But I think the great debt the nation owes you Scotty from Marketing is that above and beyond all else, you’ve shown every Australian and statespersons and monarchs around the globe … how f*cking easy it is to be the Prime Minister of Australia.
And if, heaven forbid, you ever tire of the job, I want to let you know that I am ready to step into your shoes and give the country some respite care. I know where to get a hard hat and all the tools (Pig-Tel male order) and I can be out there in front of every photo opp in literally a flash. Well, not quite as bright as your flash. (How are the old retinas, by the way ?)
I sincerely hope that you can still see straight because you had better not take your eyes off Mr Potato Head, especially since he’s in charge of all the guns and sharp swords.
I forgot to say that I have a ukulele, and from what I’ve seen and heard, I’m pretty well on top of the April Sun in Cuba.
So don’t forget to take me up on my generous offer – and maybe we can lay a couple of bricks, light a fire under a few steaks and rinse our gums with some frothy beverage. I’m pretty sure that we’ll keep the barbie under tight control and just in case, I’ll invite a couple of Rural Fire and SES volunteers – so there’s no chance you’ll be asked to hold a hose or bale out the cabana.
Even when there’s no crisis in aged care, every senior deserves to be kept locked up safe and dry, but with the Covid shortage in nursing home workers, apart from turning to the army, it’s time to turn to the makers of fine Pig-Tel high performance incontinence pads.
Pig-Tel research teams have responded rapidly to the non-crisis with robust products that will give your senior the confidence that he or she is looking for – and at the same time send a timely message to ministers expressing their gratitude for jobs well done.
Pig-Tel have huge stocks (between two and three dozen) in warehouses around Australia*
Our incontinence pads are manufactured in China and Serbia, so get in quick while supplies last (could be a longish wait for re-supply)
Send $1,759 NOW … or four easy payments of $517 (plus postage and handling) to Pig-Tel and help your gran or pop to take a dump on a McMorrison, or a Richard Colbeck without having to leave the security of their locked down room. Note the Greg Hunt line is discontinued and won’t be available after the last sitting.
Remember, if it’s a McMorrison, a Richard Colbeck or a Greg Hunt (limited edition), you can rely on it to be full of crap.