Unverified Rumour by Pig’s Arms Cub Reporter Boo-Boo Bear

In a late breaking unverified rumour, allegedly started by Pig’s Arms Cub reporter Boo-Boo Bear, it is said that the Hollywood star Daisy Duck has passed away at the age of 101 due to natural causes (Duck a l’Orange).

There is some dispute that the oft-time paramour of Donald Trump Duck was actually 101 years old (born in 1920)- especially since Donald was born in 1934 – suggesting that DD was dating a pretty old broiler straight out of the hutch.

Birth records were sketchy – especially before colour came into the picture. Some celuloidists claim that she used a former name “Donna” however other experts insist that Donna Duck was the friend of a Mexican waterbird DD was dating for a time.

What IS known is that Daisy had a clutch of relatives and that her unnamed brother was married to triplets “April”, “May” and “June” – one of which is the mother of another brood of triplets more familiar to officianrdos of cartoons and comics – Huey, Louie and Dewey – or if you prefer, Hewey, Dewey and Louie. Louie was killed in a tragic shooting accident on the ironically-named Lake Placid.

The Pig’s Arms tried to contact the previously irascible but now apparently inconsolable Donald, but he was unavailable for comment.

Friends close to Daisy including Daffy Duck were quoted as saying “Psuffering Psuckertash”, Big Bird came out in spots and Foghorn Leghorn said “Ah say,Ah say, Ah say, Boy …”

The family is not expecting Uncle Scrooge to pick up the tab for the funeral despite the cost being described as “chicken feed”.

Story by Pig’s Arms Cub Reporter Boo-Boo Bear

Faithful wife of 70+ years admits that it was a mistake to allow her late husband to drive himself to his own funeral.

“I should have known that no good would come of this” she told the Pig’s Arms.

Bystanders reported that the driver, referred to only as a Mr Duke swerved to avoid an allegation that he was an entitled racist bigot, before losing self control and rolling joints several times.

First responders on the scene administered Tenant’s Lager and confiscated all cameras, except that of our PA reporter who was cleverly disguised as a hedge fund manager.

The crack Edinburgh Metropolitan Police specialist VIP traffic accident cover-up team attended and reported that although the man was known to them, whether he in fact was licensed to do anything he wanted was unclear, but pretty likely to be the case and who am I to drop any big wig into the poo and still have a pension in tact said an alleged man dressed in serge.

Mr Duke was whisked away in an unmarked (because he hadn’t driven it) whisk and given the royal treatment by a generously proportioned celebrity chef given to sampling her own creations from the tips of long, sensuous fingers that have never seen a day’s work in their lives beyond the morning struggle with an unruly bra strap.

The Range Rover’s black box flight recorder has been recovered and is undergoing psychiatric analysis.