Rosaria from Gozo (Aunt Maria and Priapus)
September 21, 2011 by gerard oosterman

The Bovims and Rosaria with Joe, Aunt Maria and the gallery owners lingered on and breakfast rolled seamlessly into a lunch. Huge bowls of pasta and carafes of wine would be carried to their table with lively conversation whetting appetites. Frank departed from pasta and ordered a plate of freshly grilled sardines, garnished with fresh coriander and lemon juice.
‘Why don’t you all come back to London with me and have a look at Wendy’s gallery’, Frank asked? ‘She is having an exhibition of her own work and there is also an ongoing show on lace’. It was an exchange exhibition from a gallery in Belgium’s Ghent. The gallery in Ghent is highly specialised, world renowned for its hand- made lace. Wendy was lucky to get the lace exhibition in her gallery in London. ‘Not lucky’, Wendy retorted, ‘you knew how to manage and talk to the gallery board, gain their trust and influenced them to try England as a venue for their next exhibition’; she smiled knowingly.
Frank had been to Paris recently to once again see his Euro Disney project which finished a few years before and made a side trip to Ghent to see the lace exhibition. While there he showed them a catalogue of the lace dolls including those he had bought from Rosaria.
The excitement of catching a plane to look at more lace in London was very tempting to Maria. She had no qualms in accepting. Joe, with his easy nature had no trouble; the flounder could wait and swim a little longer, he thought. What about Aunt Maria? ’Don’t worry about me, I can sing anywhere and besides, I’ll visit my brother in Naples’. ‘I haven’t seen him for ages. I might even go to Pompeii, have a look at that famous brothel where a visit to the girls of love used to cost the equivalent of an erect penis’s weight in gold’. ‘Now, there was female liberation, she added’.
Maria had never married but was rumoured to have many lovers. No one was sure, but many young men would visit her cottage on a rocky outcrop in Gozo to take singing lessons. In fact, it became a bit of a standard saying, when, some young person who spontaneously burst out into a song, was asked; was it a good lesson from Maria today?
When the group finally finished lunch, they decided to fly with Frank and Wendy to London the day after. His plane was on stand-by and so were the two pilots who were booked into a local hotel. The convenience of having the means to do all that was none more obvious than to Wendy and Rosaria. Rosaria was still a few weeks away of giving birth and the idea that her dolls with lace had sold filled her with joy. It was not just the sale, but that her work was now so much appreciated. All those hours and days of moving bobbins around with the lace finally getting a motive that was hers alone and totally unique.
Next day Maria was already on her bus to Naples which drove direct onto the ferry at the Messina wharf. At the same time the plane took off with Frank, Wendy, Rosaria and Joe on their way to London.
Maria felt a warm anticipation not just to see her brother in Naples but also the chance to see Pompeii. Her knowledge of Pompeii was mainly through studies and magazines. She was intrigued by the idea that an entire culture ‘in situ’ had been re-discovered and that so much was still being unearthed. Of course she had seen the picture of Priapus’ fresco from the House of the Vettii but felt that to actually see this scene in front of her at the place where it all had happened was something she looked forward to almost more than seeing her brother.
Maria was more than a little interested in men’s sexuality. When the singing lessons sometimes strayed to a more intimate level, she did respond in kind. This was never predetermined or deliberate and always followed a natural flow of events. The singing lessons could end up in the young man bedding her down. She liked men as much as singing and somehow thought that art and sex could well be mutually dependent or symbiotic. Looking at some erotic art from Picasso and others, there seemed to be that sex and art often had a common bond. They certainly were not mutually exclusive.
The trip to Pompeii would involve the tour to the erotic Priapus fresco which, she had been told, could only be shown to males. Why women were excluded wasn’t explained but someone told her, that this little sexist oddity was only reserved for English and American tourists. Apparently, the board of tourism had received complaints from some of those that weren’t quite prepared for the sheer size of the phallus. Some high heeled ladies even fainted and had to be brought back by generous sprinkling of Eau-de Napoli mixed with holy water which was put near the fresco to revive those faint hearted.
All in all, those tales of giant erect phalluses, the Pompeian history and cultural habits of the inhabitants, (irrespective of phallus size) was enough for Maria to keenly look forward to her visit next day. She knew the tale that the giant phallus had outweighed the bag of gold coins but had some lingering doubt how this giant upright member could be weighed. She had a practical side to her! She was at the same time also told not to miss the nearby Herculaneum, an excavated snack bar which has a painting of Priapus behind the bar, apparently as a good-luck symbol for the customers.
Tags: Herculaneum, House of Vettii, Messina, Napoli, Phallus, Pompeii, Priapus
Posted in Gerard Oosterman, Uncategorized | Edit | Leave a Comment »
Hmmm I’m having a problem getting past the ‘weight of an erect penis in gold’ which was paid to the ‘priestesses of Venus’ mentioned in your story, Gerard… I can’t concentrate on the rest of the story ’cause I keep asking myself, ‘how on earth can one measure the weight of an erect penis?’ and ‘Whose penis, anyway? The patron’s?’ and ‘If it is the patron’s penis, when is it weighed? Before, after or during penetration?’ And this just brings me right back to ‘How the hell can one weigh an erect penis anyway?!’ I mean, you can’t even do an ‘Archimedes’ and find out by immersion in water… unless of course, you cut it off to do so… But then if you cut it off, you could just put it on the scales… It must have been positively painful to play the part of paramour in the port of Pompeii, old piglet… even before the eruption!
I’ll get back to your story when I have resolved this dilemma…
😉
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Yes, it was also baffling for Aunt Maria. She was struggling with the weighing of the erect penis as well. Still it is a famous legend and millions have queued up to see that famous fresco. I saw it decades ago when I was living in Naples for a while.
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Quick, someone pass me the smelling salts! Or a shot of whiskey if by some fortunate mischance they have been misplaced.

The whole of this family seems to be in a perpetual state of baffled puzzlement. Yet if she had opened her eyes when had seen the picture, surely she should have known the answer? Here’s a better version.
Warning: If you are a female English or American tourist, arrange a comfortable place to fall before viewing this picture.
Of course, if Maria had been alive at the time they could have used a version of the Archimedes method whereby you sit the customer in a full bath and then get Maria to give him a singing lesson.
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Aaaaargh. Just pass the whole bottle and leave it here.
I accidentally changed the 6 in the web address to a 5 and pressed Enter.
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Four. Three. Two. One. Blast off!
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I wouldn’t worry too much about it, Voice. Go with the flow. I think there might be two versions of that fresco. One for those with strong constitutions, of course including Maltese, Dutch, stout Russians etc, which are showing the version you ferreted out. The vague and less defined fresco reserved for the faint of hearts, the more feeble but fiercely opinionated Americans and English , usually wearing high heels and hair in buns. Even with that vague version,The Eau de Napoli and all sorts of revival medications are at the ready. Sometimes but not always, counselors therapists and MTR agents are available as well.
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I fainted when I saw it. All twenty-seven times.
But I can’t help wondering whether some of those women in high heels and buns were just falling asleep. A penis long enough to hang your washing on is of far more interest to men than to most women,although in these ecologically aware times that might have changed.
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Must be part horse!
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Just get a little closer to the screen now Voice; I don’t want to brag…. but I actually had a penile reduction done some years ago. The doctor ( Barbara Simcock) did it and somewhere at Sydney Uni is a glass jar in which, (still proudly floating)in formaldehyde is the preserved bit of my excess penis.
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I don’t know what to say gerard, other than I think it was a mistake to get your gravatar photo taken while they were doing it. I thought you were just terminally grumpy.
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Oh no, Voice.
The photo was taken post op. I looked even worse prior, especially trying to align from the double-decker diesel driven, clunking gear changing vibrating rattler bus Granville-Auburn. Those vibrating diesel buses were the undoing of many a growing boy, suffering totally unpredictable attacks of raging tumescense. My face perpetually puckered. Oh the horror, the horror. I could have become good at pole-vaulting, but I needed to work, earn money, help our family.
Things are much better now, but it did leave its mark.
Still, I do show my mug. (and my real name) What about you?
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He seems to be lifting some kind of curtain or drape. Perhaps of what he observed could be the reason for the state he is in. At his feet, and just below his phallus, there is a huge bowl of grapes and assorted fruits. One just hoped that he was able to contain his ardour long enough to have enjoyed congress with the lady of love.
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“Why women were excluded wasn’t explained but someone told her, that this little sexist oddity was only reserved for English and American tourists. Apparently, the board of tourism had received complaints from some of those that weren’t quite prepared for the sheer size of the phallus.”
Does that mean that Australian , European, Asian, African women are so used to seeing those large sizes, they would not faint…I’m surprised the artist’s model did not faint…
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Faint heart never won fair lady, Helvi. As I went to an English boarding school, I was just used to normally big. (We used to shower in the same long shower rooms.) Excepting two Australians and a Balkan, they were examples of minuscule-ality.
Free singing lessons?
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