With ageing comes the inevitable increase in both frequency and urgency to seek the friendly embrace and comfort of a toilet. We all know that, except of course to the foolish young, cavorting under strobe lights and indulgencies of frequencies of a different kind, but still involving bodily functions.
The first thing to do when changing address is to reconnoitre thoroughly the availability of public toilets. I did, and now can safely go for walks without the hand-held GPS for finding, just in case mind you, a nice toilet. The first one is within coohey of our place at the hallowed grounds of The Bradman Oval, The International Hall of Cricket Fame. The toilets are utterly original, sparkling clean and with normal taps (thank God). I often relish the idea, that on the very seat I am squatting, Bradman might well have s(h)at as well. It always gives my day a pleasant tinge. A kind of good and wholesome, optimistic start, how can any day go wrong now, I ponder?
Between our house and the other side of Bowral runs a small river with a concrete footpath parallel with it. Even though it is just a few hundred metres from the main street, it could be miles away. It is a beautiful walk, the river alive with ducks and their ducklings. I take this walk along the creek every day with of course the manic Milo, straining at the leash almost pulling me along to the other side of the creek, totally disregarding my endless urgings of ‘nice walking Milo’, ‘good boy Milo’ and above all ‘no pulling Milo’.
Yesterday, about half way and just after some rain I noticed an elderly man lying in the grass near the water, trying to get up. He also had a small dog, a poodle and a walking stick. He was struggling so I helped him up. He told me he had no feelings in the bottom halves of his legs but also told me ‘I walk for miles every day’. He spoke well and I inquired if he needed some help to get back to his house. ‘I’ll be alright, thank you kindly’, he said, so I left it at that. I thought he might have been in his eighties, perhaps a retired pilot. There seems to be a plethora of retired pilots living here. Perhaps they like to retire higher up. We are about 750 metres above sea level.
Anyway, on my return I noticed him still walking along slowly and on his mobile phone. With the previous feeling of optimism and the pleasant reflection on Bradman and the possibility of having shared the same toilet seat, the mood became somewhat more melancholic. Were the walking days of this elderly gentleman coming to an end? I still have an almost Emil Zátopek zeal in thinking my walking days will go on indefinitely but no doubt so did the elderly gent (without feelings in his lower legs). Was it seeping away from him now?
Sadly, I could not come up with a better solution than the idea that the ‘seeping away towards the end’ will come to all of us, even to those that are now hopping and shimmering around underneath strobe lights to wild tempestuous music.
Enjoy the day. It might never end.
So you think it’s best for your dog to shit by the side of the river, typical euros
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It seems that you really like normal taps in toilet. And yeah I can feel the excitement of your’s using the same toilet which Bradman used in the past. It must be great experience for you. -:)
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This just reminds me of when I was pregnant and planned all trips to town on knowing where the loos were, i.e. the ones in department stores, the public ones and cafes etc. Invaluable knowledge.
But Gerard, I do not think it would be the same toilet seat. They probably had no sewerage the and it would have been a dunny can affair – wooden seat over a metal cylindrical container with a door at the back.
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Yes, that’s true. Mind you, Bradman was still alive some years ago and could easily have visited his old batting grounds. We had those take-away dunnees when we arrived here in the fifties. No sewerage and with our large family, we enjoyed the luxury of two pans. Because there were 7 in the family we often exceeded the two pans. My dad engineered a hole in the fibro wall and connected it to the downpipe so the five males could all piss in that outlet. Of course ,all that liquid ended up at the front in the open drain. The grass was really green.
The tradition was to give the dunnee men a case of beer each Christmas. One of the dunnee man was having an extra bonus thrown in by having an affair with a neighbour woman. It just shows you that romance can linger anywhere and the aroma might well have added some spice..
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All very familiar. But frankly, if old Bradman did revisit I think at best he might have had a stand up pee or do all elderly gents now do sit down pees. Maybe they do ! But, guess what – I never ever sit on a public toilet seat !
I know we too gave the dunny man a Christmas present and it certainly would have been beer but I can’t recall the exact quantity. Same went for the garbos and the milko. We connected to the sewerage when I was about 6 I think – was a great day (no more potty under the bed).
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Oh me god, toilet talk…
Not so bad at all when you start reading, and Milo too doing his business somewhere along the river…
Keeping my patch clean 🙂
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Is Gerard’s starsign Virgo, Helvi? This article reveals a typically Virgoan obsession with the human digestive system and its functions…
😉
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Asty, no, not Virgo but Leo…I don’t see the obsession with lower regions of human body anything Virgoan , rather a one of the many male obsessions . It starts early, little boys are fascinated with toilets, potties poo poo and pee pee…
Later on the female body becomes of interest, the boobs, did you see that H…fantastic…
‘See what… a nice haircut? Lovely outfit..yes, I did..’
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Oh, I see… well… I didn’t really believe in astrology anyway… and your analysis of the male psyche is probably accurate…
😉
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Boobs, yes, who wouldn’t like boobs??
Even my gay mates like perving at boobs!
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