The ‘wow’ factor is not just for the young, it is also for Grannies…

Seeing all that euphoria on TV during the handing out of Film Oscars in Hollywood, with all the enthusiasm, exuberance and leaping about on stage, one could wonder what this is all is about. Apart from awards for movies, the Oscar night itself could easily be worthy of awards itself.

They are all still looking so young, even the old. Look at Michael Douglas, not a year over 37. Let’s not get too jealous though. Those unlined faces and perky bosoms are not always the result of gallons of Botox or ‘nip & tuck (or lift) jobs. Not a stooped back or bouts of gout anywhere, or if so, it is carefully out of sight and well hidden.

As soon as a name was pulled out of the envelope, the camera zoomed into the winner’s beaming face, who then rises up, gets hugged, kissed, and in the case of a female, possibly suitably teary. The male or female winner jauntily steps towards the stage, perhaps while buttoning a jacket or adjusting a strap.

Boy oh boy, is the wow factor there now. The thousands in the audience are rising in hypnotic unison, and wildly with unrestrained thunderous applause inflame this spectacle into an orgy of mutual me- you-me of endless loving and adorations.

All this adoration of the winner is clearly a very moving event. The winner is (again) speechless with gratitude and throws in, from the cuff or prepared, a witticism, while holding and swaying his Oscar statue aloft…Dorian Grey would be so proud. Not a single star’s age is shown as having aged, indeed, they seem having regressed to an even earlier age…

So be it. That’s Academy Awards Hollywood.

On reflection, I remember fondly a couple of grannies (not Grammies) from the US. Both were in their early and very youthful eighties, never seen as much as a Botox needle, ever! They arrived in Australia by boat on which was also their very large and well equipped Campervan. They were going to have a great tour around the Australian outback. Who could find fault with that sort of panache and chutzpah, and at their age?

On disembarking they filled in the normal batch of custom forms. “Anything to declare, they were asked?”  “Ah, no nothing at all, we are on holiday,” they added while, glancing away. The glancing away is a ‘tell’ that custom officers are specially trained to spot. It takes about six months of intensive tell training to spot the dodgy ‘tells’ from the real.

Still, there was nothing suspicious on their personae to investigate any further and they were allowed through. They must have been so relieved.

The old ladies were seen to walk around the quay, waiting for their very large Mercedes Van to get hoisted off the boat. There were a few onlookers to watch the spectacle including a couple of custom officers. All was still very ‘cool’ and under control. When the Van finally touched solid earth, the custom officers went gallantly to the aid of the American couple and helped put on their luggage at the same time clearing the vehicle through customs. A form still had to be signed. The doors were opened and while lifting the luggage it was noted the floor was somewhat higher than normal. “Gee, you have a very large and well equipped Van, but why is the floor higher than the inlet of the doors, strange, isn’t?”

Talk about panache, it turned out there was a double floor with 1 ton of the best and purist hashish hidden between. The best of Boom, Chronic, Gangster, with a mix of Mary Jane down the back of the floor.

Now, those grannies did have a ‘wow factor’ that those Oskar winners will never achieve. Sure, it was a bit criminal but you would have to admire them though. They were in their eighties as well, don’t forget. The papers were full of it for many months.

Some couple of years later I noticed an ad in the paper selling a bus. It was advertised as being used for smuggling marihuana and had belonged to the ‘notorious American Grannies.

There is hope for all of us!

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