Story by Mark aka Hung
“What’s this, a fucking clip Merv or Drumpf with a haircut?” larfs Angler On, an anagram of Algernon seeing no one got the Earnest Moncrieff connection, the sparrow killing associate of Gib W, who this story isn’t about therefore both Gib and Angler are sure to get many mentions, as you do here at Foodge Inc. Earnest has gracefully retired for Angler, get the picture. Sweet…
“I’m guessing that shirt fitting doesn’t hold the same appeal for you that it once did” says Foodge, seeing I can say “says” here, this is early in the story, plus Angler was smart enough to laugh his comment, even though he then couldn’t spell it, gave me another one of those ad somethings they belted into you at school, I can use them to embellish the conversation. I deliberately forgot all of that stuff from my skool daze just to get even. Now Emmjay has talked me into writing, the bastard, I have to learn to write, pfft, I wished I listened to what my parents said and no, I don’t know what they said because I didn’t listen. Is this Catch 22 or Deja Vu? I digress.
“Pertinent and very Aristotletic. It took a dinkum swagman to tell it like it was. Loved it. He looks like he will be the publican nominee. He’s a modern day Hitler and the followers are hoodwinked dopes.” reflects Gib really worried now that the author assigned him to this statement. Gib didn’t understand most of it just like the rest of us.
“No help then for me and ewe Sister” moans O’Hoo as he searchers his pockets for weapons. Something does, after a while, bulge down there but only a distant memory now days.
“As I’ve said before – well sorted. I did something similar about 12 years ago. I told them their sums were wrong” laments Yvonne as she sips slowly on her Pink Drink, Campari of course, well probably, this is Foodge after all, I mean, is this chick style, I doubt the drink is metho and Eno’s, surely not but hey. “I have a special 5H enema if you’re ever suffering from ennui again” grins Yvonne, cheshirely.
“Thanks Sister” says Nurse Barbara dropping in here, out of no where, as you do in Foodge “Needless to say, the custom designed enema is no longer necessary. Now I just need to get my shit together. I thought I’d better print this before it disappeared from screen. Oops, shit, missed it.” Don’t worry about an enema thinks Nurse Barbara, I’ve just read Mark’s story. Bum burner, hot on the way in hot on the way out.
“Now, that’s a worry! ..but then again there are a lot of crazies out there who should be looked after inside white coloured rooms with padding with a really good printers especially any one from the Pigs Arms” replies Yvonne, rolling her eyes and hoping that eye rolling can somehow be classified as a true exercise, me I relate to this, some how or rather, the story is only going to get worse from here on, not better, unless it gets better, I think so, jury’s out mate.
“We don’t need to fly anyone in, Paul. We just send the work overseas via the internet, works for me” says The Other John, a prick from somewhere near somewhere else. Foodge stands erect, well so he told me later, he went to the car-park and retrieved the shot gun from the Zephyr.
By the time he returned Merv had already unloaded two rounds into The Other
John, may Gordon bless us with more of the same. The 457 visa workers had actually already started to remove the body and clear up the mess. 47 cents an hour and they have temerity to complain, bastards.
“And for other selfish arseholes who game the system” retorts Arse Upwards(AU), “No, Angler, the ABC only seems to air the opinion of anuses and Onanists, these days. That’s why all of us here get published heaps” continues AU, Oh, please really think this through. Me, I can’t stop laughing at myself.
“This is funny Nurse Barbara. I’m trying to reply to Gorf(Frog in a blender) who replied to you, who replied to Merv, who replied to Hung, who replied to Emmjay who replied to Viv, who replied to Gerard but to no avail. I tried to say “the comment is devoid of compassion for the victims of lactose intolerance etc”. Why the fuck do the moderators don’t like me? Pfft. They favour the fucking heartless monsters! Why!” says fucking someone, bloody hell, name withheld due to a technical issue, I’ve lost control of this story. AI is here.
“That Pink Drink is a special mixture of tinctures and herbs, concocted by Granny, and safeguarded by Mr Merv. It will put lead in your pencil, that is, if you wanted a lead pencil” says Gib obviously seriously concerned about heavy metals.
“Hallelujah, brother, I’ve been restored to health” states Yvonne seeing “says” has been done enough.
Perhaps, Mark, you could have your own episode of “Call the Bigwife”
Hmm, thinks Hung eager to get one mention in the story.
Is there any way to get out of this story? My cat is at home alone, and hungry. But, wait, I’ll have another of those pink drinks, they’re strangely addictive.
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Yes, but wait, give the cat a pink drink, she will love it!
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Great idea!
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Actually I’m Nurse Barbara. Have been since I was fourteen ever since School Principal came into exam room and looked at me and said “and Barbara you are going to be a nurse” and I said “no, I’m Vivienne and I’m going to be a secretary”. That happened three years in a row. Years later hubby came in back door with a badly mauled lamb and called “Nurse Barbara – fix this”. I did. Ever since when someone in the family has an injury, accident etc they call for Nurse Barbara. And remember, Nurse Barbara has great tits !
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Yes Viv I remembered you talking recently about Nurse Barbara. You told us about her before but I had forgotten. What a great lead in for you into the story. Now your name Vivienne is delightful, why that person said that is truly amazing.
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He was old and couldn’t remember the names of all the 1200 students at Balwyn High. Not even when I was Dux three years in a row.
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Great shirt potatoes. There you go Algy.
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Ah Big, they’re bags of fum.
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Hahaha I got a data shortage so grabbed this great take away in library so i can go shopping with it. I’m freezin’ my tits off in the air conditioning. Gotta go. Can’t have that or I’ll have nothing to show for myself. Brrr. 🙂
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High beams on, then?
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Nurse Barbara can give me the suppository of all her wisdom anytime.
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Yes she does have a certain appeal Gerard
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Good old Arse Upwards, Extreme Onanist! Again, no enema needed, not even one H!
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Trotter’s all round Merv
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Nurse Barb looked pretty rough in one photo.
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She may have been disguised as a potato.
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Actually, now that I think about it, both Gearard and Nurse Barbara are in the next episodes as potatoes but don’t let on, okay Sister!
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The potato life is a good life.
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Which one is the potato
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The one with the eyes.
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The one that isn’t the photo
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So nothing to do with the chest then
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Treasure chest?
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