Story by Hung
Now, just for a change from all that sex and innuendo with Foodge and that amusing, mildly whimsical Father O’Way here is one of my favorite recipes that’s really hard but easy. The only hard part is the ingredients and the easy part is being home to add them together to make a nice simple meal of corn fritters that can have thousands of variations.
Ingredients – this is what you need to start(shotgun optional, well not really, just read on, lie back and think of England)
Olive oil – about a tablespoon or so
Eggs – times three, beaten. Please wait till kiddies are out of sight due to domestic violence being banned here at the Pigs Arms. Lets face it, would you like to wake up to that early morning TV show, Tomorrow Today and see that 3 eggs have been severely beaten up after having a few dozen? Don’t think so.
Water – the most powerful chemical in the universe times 125 ml
Pepper – a pinch. Just think of granny’s arse
Salt – see pepper
Chilli – see shotgun
Sugar – see granny’s arse or a teaspoon, I know which one I prefer
Shallot – finely chopped, about 1/4 cup or so
Corn – kernels about 90 grams
Potato powder – about 125 grams
Plain flour – see above
Psyllium – pinch, see granny’s arse
Cumin – 1/4 teaspoon
Lager – Copious amounts
Method
- Grab the shotgun and shoot your cat. The world and mankind now owe you a favor which is my spicy sweet corn fritters. These I make without SR flour because when I went to school we never got to the letter S in the 14 years of drudgery I spent there. I found out about it later in life when my boss told me I was sacked, with a capital S, what a sunt.
- Go and get a mixing bowl, one that mixes will help here.
- Gently whisk the eggs. Don’t think of your boss or your partner while doing this, gentle, relax, unwind and put another round or two into the cat and then down a lager.
- Add about 125 ml of water or lager but no cat blood. Cats is bad.
- Great the shallot(love the misspelling) and add Colonel corn, shallot, powdered potato and flower(again yes I no), psylium chilli and cumin, salt, peeper and anything else I have left out. Drink more lager. Optional at this stage is to shoot the cat again however I have found over the years it is best to go and shoot someone else’s cat, he he he he.
- Mix the eff out of it. With these sort of recipes once fluid is added you may need to add more dry ingredients to get it to a North Sydney constituency, heavy batterish, 1950’ish fish coating style, thick, like me Brony and Tone, no SR flour means this needs to be reasonably dry before cooking. Drink another lager or two then argue with your partner, then relax, all will be good. Maybe get your partner to put a few rounds into the cat. Just sayin like.
- I coat a non stick pan with oil spray and use egg rings. To get an idea of an egg ring you stick your middle finger up a chickens arse. This gives you an estimation of what an egg ring feels like. Some people use capsicum slices as egg rings to avoid having to wash them up. If this happens then that person has just fingered one big fucker of a chicken. Shoot them if you have any ammo left. Fry at moderate to high heat to ensure the mixture cooks, flip half way. Drink another lager or two. Set fire to your neighbors fence, petrol is best, then the 6 to 8 fritters should be ready.
- After the Pleece have been make a sauce with yogurt, garlic, parsley, cucumber and cumin. Serve with salad, lemon wedges and crusty bread. Don’t drink any more lager at this stage as it could cause problems with your partner, neighbor or the Pleece. Go straight to whiskey shots.
- Grab the shotgun…
A good fritter is a joy to behold much more than a poet has time to eulogise, Hung.
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Nothing like a bit of spontaneous joy my friend
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What other pets have you got coming up Hung. Any we should watch out for.
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Only reason I hate cats is they are so destructive. I can’t have pets now I’ve had the operation unfortunately.
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I’m not a great fan of the cat for that very reason. Could be useful with the mice we have outside though.
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Nah, carry the fetid mice to your human’s feet and it is thought a delightful trait but thought disgusting and unattractive in a human to carry a mice in the mouth and drop it at someone’s feet.
So what is it with you and animals. Don’t like them?
I am going through self loathing recently I’ve allowed the abuse even as in the exact same breath spent on the above I’ve been helping support animals I do not myself choose to have. I’m so vulnerable to abuse it’s beyond me to tolerate myself sometimes I’m just so much the generous victim schmuck.
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Only good cat is a flat one…
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Is the cat part of the ingredients for the fritters?
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No. The cat is simply there for entertainment value. The cat makes a gun suddenly useful.
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Gawd.
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May Gordon be with you Viv. The fritters are actually really nice.
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I’m sure they are gorgeous. Nothing like mine. I find they always need more than a pinch of salt.
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I’m trying to cut down on added salt and try and use spice more.
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These folks tried to post the unwanted kitty away: http://www.abc.net.au/news/2016-03-28/cat-recovering-well-after-spending-eight-days-in-the-post/7278844
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Perhaps it was an edible cat. Amazing they didn’t notice the weight.
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And they missed their chance to shoot it.
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Thanks again to Hung’s Wide World of Food. It’s like a cookery course that you can do sitting around in your undies. I have some questions:
What is the optimal number of cats to shoot during the preparation? Can one use another weapon? Can one drink pale ale instead of lager? How do you get the chook to stay still while you measure her oviduct? Is diesel OK for starting fence fires? Will the pleece take money in paper bags, or is that only Newcastle Liberal MPs?
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Yes
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