“Well fuck me” says Merv in his usual laconic style leaving no holes barred. “Fucking Emmjay has decided to to turn up about six episodes ago and is whinging like a Manly supporter”

“Hoos Manly?” enquires O’Hoo seeing that his tablets have not taken affect and he is worried about the effect they will have on his penis, not that he uses it, well except for granny, in his dreams.

“That dickhead ewe no ToeKnee Abbott, the drop in arsehole” says Gib W flicking fly shit from the mouth of his stubbie and wondering why he is in this series.

“Fleas gentleman mind your language, me and Nurse Barbara are easily offended”



informs the drop dead gorgeous Yvonne, pictured to the right as requested.

“Huh, what is off endened?” asks Angler On as he sits quietly listening to some old music on his head phones, The Band for example.

“Abbott is off ended by some arsewipe that took his job” informs Merv.

“Shit” says Nurse Barbara

“Shit” says Yvonne

“Shit” says Merv

“Shit” says Gib W

“Shit” says Angler



“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit” says Emmjay in an effort to catch up on a few episodes.

Did I leave any shit out? Says the author.

“Oh well, fuck Abbott. Trotter’s and Pink drinks all round” says Merv.

“What about me, it isn’t fair, blah blah blah…” says Emmjay struggling to keep up.

“Well fuck you” replies the chorus from the front bar. Seeing Emmjay is so far behind no one really cares about him anymore except he pays the bills I guess.

“Look if you haven’t been bothered to keep up with this series it’s your own fault Emmjay” gloats Yvonne with her highly recognizable fingernail, “Tough titties”

“But I’m just a jealous guy blah blah blah…” cries Emmjay as he struggles to think of another song to suit his circumstance.

“Well I’m a rhinestone cowboy etc” says O’Hoo hoo recently had ect.

“Keating, ‘…fundamentally, he’s a cherry on top of a compost heap. The great risk for Malcolm is that he doesn’t remain a cherry, but turns into a sultana.’” relates Gib, just to throw a sultana in the serial.


Nurse Barbara

“Christ” says Nurse Barbara

“Jesus” says Yvonne

“Gordon” says Merv

Gib W

Gib W

“Father Fuckhead” says Gib W

“Hmm” says Angler

“Hey hang on a minute. I’m in this episode, why don’t I have anything to say?” calls Emmjay.

“Well, old mate, it’s like this, keep up or go away” informs Merv

“Keep up or go away” replies Emmjay

“Yeah, fuck off, well unless it’s your shout” states Merv.

“Oh, some time, is there anybody out there, hmm…” sings Emmjay, desperate to get back into the the story.

“We don’t need no education, dah dah dah, we don’t knead no thought control, there’s lots of hazards in the classroom, hey, teacher, leave those kids alone, all in all your just another brick in the wall” etc. continues Emmjay

Can anyone else but me see where this is going? Don’t think so. Fifteen more words to 500 and counting,

one, two, three, four

tony-abbott-thinks-too-hardwe don’t need no tony abbott

malcolm turnbull has sold his soul

lots of hazards in the parly

they all bend to thought control