Story by Big M
Granny was in tears. A woman crying was one of those things that made Merv very uncomfortable, like the Minstrel Cycle, and watching childbirth. Merv decided to take the bull by the horns. “What’s going on Granny?” As he draped a massive, muscular arm around her quaking shoulders.
“I…can’t…say.” Granny’s words came in sobs.
“Go on, love.” Merv was quite tender for an ex-boxer.
“It’s him.”
“Who?”
“Him.”
“You mean Foodge. What’s the feckin’ toe rag done now?” Merv was getting emotional, which for him, was like being constipated, but more so.
“Don’t get angry with him, I don’t think he can help it!” Granny was still shaking.
“Don’t get feckin’ angry. What can’t he help?” Merv examined the knuckles of his right hand.
“Wearin’ dresses!”
“I knew he was a bit soft around the edges, but dresses. How do you know?”
“Well, since he’s been staying at the Pig’s I’ve been doing his washing, so this morning I took three of his white (formerly yellow) business shirts to hang in his wardrobe, opened the door and what do I see? Long black dresses!” Granny buried her face into Merv’s chest, smearing his best Pig’s Arms singlet with tears and snot.
“Right, we’ll see about this!” Merv took off to the Gentleman’s Bar, where Foodge was enjoying a pint of Best, with a beer chaser.
“Good morning Mr Merv.” Foodge sounded ebullient. “I’ve got some excellent news that should make everyone happy!”
“’appy, you’ve left Granny in tears upstairs. Let’s go an’ see why!” Merv did his best to avoid dragging Foodge upstairs by the ears.
“Granny in tears, but why? This is great news for her, too.” Foodge downed his pint, and then took to the stairs.
“Let’s ‘ave a little look in your room, then Foodge.” Merv sounded menacing.
Foodge opened the door and stood back for all to see.
“And the wardrobe!” Merv stood clenching and unclenching his fists.
Foodge flung the wardrobe door open with great aplomb.
Merv reached in and dragged out two dresses in in one paw like hand. “What are these? Pole dancin’ outfits.”
“Oh, those.” Laughed Foodge. ‘That’s my good news. I’ve been re-admitted to the Bar. I just need to get my old wig dry cleaned, then I’ll be back in full form.”
Oh Foodge, you’ve done it again!
sandshoe said:
Worth a Re-coming at the Bar party for sure.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Big M said:
Welcome back, ‘shoe, I trust you are well. Yes, there could be men in dresses, ladies in (or out of) nylons, and general public nudity next time you pop in!
LikeLike
sandshoe said:
Oh goody.
Yes thank you Big M. I am well.
I’m back Big M. You’ll read all about me shortly. I’ve sent the boss my story.
LikeLike
sandshoe said:
I trust you’re well, Big?
LikeLike
Big M said:
I’m off work because I cut one of my fingers down to the bone with a chainsaw. Missed the tendon and joint capsule, but had to have it cleaned and sutured under anaesthetic. That was a week and a half ago, but the orthopaedic surgeon doesn’t want me back at work until next weekend! Yay, what a way to get out of work! Otherwise OK!
LikeLike
sandshoe said:
You were on your best safety pins of course, Big M. I am very glad you have your digit. Its good news you’re OK otherwise. It’s rough yay having a bit of a holiday. I bet that hurt like hell.
LikeLike
vivienne29 said:
Very funny.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mark said:
“like the Minstrel Cycle…” Spike would be proud. 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
Big M said:
Thanks, Mark, I’d rather ride a Harley…
LikeLike
algernon1 said:
Is that a type of washing machine
LikeLike
Big M said:
I guess so.
LikeLike
sandshoe said:
It’s some kind of agitator that is the Minstrel Cycle. Off the wall.
LikeLike
algernon1 said:
Great to hear from you again shoe
LikeLike