The Tale of Bunny and Lizzie by Mark
It was yet another glorious morning. The sun was shining, white clouds drifted above without a care in the world. Butterflies roamed the garden as bees searched for their ever desired nectar. Blue skies seemed to provide just enough sun for things to grow and so with that the cycle goes.
Oh, my names Bunny, this is my story. I’m a rabbit, yep, one of them pesky varmints however stay tuned. This is a tale about friends joining together to fight for what is a good cause
Lizzie is my friend, she is a lizard who shares our condominium other wise know as a burrow.
Me and Lizzie live down the back of a garden run by annamuls, well that’s what we call them. To make it easy, some call them mankind.
“You on the grass again?” says Lizzie
“Shit yeah. I love the smell of freshly cut grass in the morning” I reply.
“I haven’t seen a frog in a while but I can smell a slug, c’mon breakfast”
“Lizzie, do you have to be so carnivore all the time? Can’t you consider us vegetarians?”
“Nah. Slurping flies is great fun too Bunny you should try it some time. Look, Bunny wheeze is different cultures, best friends and sisters in arms, this is multifaunaism at its best.”
I don’t know about this mutlifaunaism, do I invite in a fox? Hmm, of course not but me and Lizzie do gel well.
Lizzie saunters off to digest some poor unsuspecting creature but me, no, grass and more grass is everything I want. Imagine a world on grass. Breakfast lunch and tea, just grass, grass and grass. The more grass the better I say.
Just as I was sort of getting carried away with the grass thing the birds called and me and Lizzie headed for the condo. A mankind thing was approaching. Could get scary here. Children should eat all their vegetables and go to bed etc. etc. Parental Warning advised.
The mankind thing said he was going get a gun and kill all us pests. Now, you are sitting there saying “WTF, a lizard and a rabbit understand English?”
Yes. We do. And please don’t pat a dog on it’s head, stroke it’s flanks, duh. Now, lets get down to business shall we.
Lizzie appeared from the Canteen a La Natural licking her lips in delight. Garlic she thinks, hmm, nice.
“Wheel get our own guns” says Lizzie “shoot the bastards”
Well, I say “How?”
“Wheel steel the mankind things car and go and buy some guns on pay wave. The annamul always leaves the keys in the starter. I saw all this when I was getting some sun and watching it through a window on TV. I’m an expert then so I’ll do the pedals, you just do the steering, okay Bunny, you got it?”
“For Gord’s sake Lizzie, since when aren’t you in the sun? You’re a freaking lizard. I just want grass, you better be an expect mate, all that grass, so little time. Well I suppose that this is one small step for rabbit but one giant leap for rabbit kind”
“Reverse clutch start down the drive way, chuck a sharp left, no right, 90 degrees, in 1.256 nanoseconds, just kidding, okay, feeling good?” stirs Lizzie.
The car starts just as Lizzie said and we steered it down the street to buy guns until this happened,
“Hey Bunny go through the drive through at McFrogs”
“Shit Lizzie, I’m a vego”
“You can get vego food at McFrogs and the Flies are great”
I drive into the drive through lane as Lizzie manipulates the pedals so I get to the speaker,
“Hello, this is Mc Frogs, would you like to place your order?” says the bot.
Now you could say, no, I’m just standing here, simple resolve.
“Wheel have a double McFrogs large with Flies and a cesspit slushie and I’ll have a grass salad sandwich hold the onion, with a mineral water.”
“Any desserts with that order, we got Chocolate Mouse on special”
“Er, yuk, just one thanks”
Pay wave we go and off to the gun shop and order two AK 47’s for our dads and we take them home for them, aren’t we good?
We dig in in the back yard. This is serious now. The mankind things start firing, so we fire back, bang,bang, boom , boom, or sorry, forgot to mention that we got some rocket launchers as well, ka bang bam just like on Batman till bam, Lizzie gets hit.
“Lizzie, I hope you have on clean underwear, you have to go to hospital”
“I ain’t coming back Bunny, says in the script, unless everyone has a woe is me moment. I’ve been semi- fatally wounded and am unable to come back unless Mark says so and you know how unpredictable that can be(cough, cough)”
“Eyes can’t see Mark agreeing to that or anything really. Okay then, bye my friend.”
The kookaburras sing. The first light is about to happen. I wake and see Lizzie just about to leave the apartment.
“Lizzie, I thought…”
“A dream my friend, get off that grass…”