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Bilbo's little brothers

Bilbo’s little brothers



The Girls Night Out.

Story by Mark.

The Pigs Arms has an air of excitement. One that more than matches Foodge’s stale cigars of course but one of excitement. So apparently, according to Glenda,cropped-cooktown-hotel-9.jpg the Arms will hold a all male dance routine, if you know what I mean. To be held in the Ladies Lounge for lady’s only, no less, hmm, the plot thickens like a choux with too much heat.

The girls wanna girls night out and of course Merv just couldn’t refuse, could you Merv?

So Nurse Barbara gets on the phone to an appropriate service organisation, i.e. male strippers.

“Hello, wheeze like to book your show” leads Barb, rather sensibly for this sort of

Nurse Barbara

Nurse Barbara

show. Well, I guess we do need sensible folk around from time to time just for a reality check. Anyhoo…

“This is Bilbo Buff speaking from the Amazingly Amazing Buff Brothers.” says the phone. Isn’t it good when the phone speaks for you. You just say, phone answer thyself and speak on my behalf, nicely of course, anyhoo, I digress.

“Bilbo?” remarks Barb. Hmm, I wonder where the author of this article got that name from.

“Yes” says the phone “along with my brothers Basil and Barry Buff , we are the…”

“Yes I get that bit” Barb says not wanting to be drawn into the hype. “How much?”

“Well lets start with…”


Merv rings the bell as he has done and as he always will. That means an announcement is coming, you know those special ones. “Hear ye hear ye, on February 31st and all male dance group will be performing in the Ladies Lounge, $50 Inner Cyberian dollars gets you everything

Ring now for tickets

Ring now for tickets

for the night. Any profits raised will go to charity namely the Keep Merv out of Poverty Fund.”

Hon and Sister Yvonne start selling the tickets and are quickly sold out. Helvi and Tutu all paid up so it will be a big night.

Yvonne says “Hey Hon, great eh, a bit of tight arse around, bewdy, and I mean as nice as the boys are, isn’t it good for an adrenaline rush?”

“Ackshally, hmm, let me think this through, ackshally, spunky young men taking all their clothes off so I get get an adrenaline rush, ackshally hmm, sounds sort of ackshally gawdy, you know, okay then, sounds fun, count me in.” replies Hon in true Arms tradition.


So the night arrives and the Buff Brothers front up to the Arms and into the front bar. “Can I speak to Merv please, tell him it’s Bilbo” he tells Granny.

Granny being a bit deaf calls “Merv, Dildo is here to see you” well, she might not be that deaf.

bumman“Granny, it’s Bilbo, you know like in that book about sumfink” replies Merv always the entrepreneur and man manager. He looks to Bilbo. And there are three of them, identical twins plus another one, spooky.

“These are my brothers Basil and Barry and yes we are identical”

“Yes, we’re identical” the brothers say.

Merv is brain mumbling having never set eyes on anyone like this before. “Um, er, yeah, um yeah, um, for sure, through there” he points.


The boys are hold up in the Sports Bars with their shotguns and talking cricket.

“Didn’t even look like he hit that” says Gib.

“Inside edge” says Angler.

“LB” says Hung. HUNG! How did you sneak in there?

Ennui and so it goes…

Throughout the night one of the boys would gently open the door to the Ladies Lounge to see how the night was progressing. Here are some of the highlights,

woah oh oh

yee ha ha

Ride em Cowboy

Hmm, yummy

Wot, that big

Oh my Gordon

She is well, Hung

I guess you can see where this is going. Enjoy.

*Authors Note: The author wishes to mention that no cat was harmed in the making of this episode…unfortunately.

Basil and Barry share a drink after the gig

Basil and Barry share a drink after the gig