Story by Ricardo (with a lot of sympathy from Emmjay)

Root bleedin’ canal therapy….  prompts an impassioned search for the magic elixir pour les dents…..

Fookeen Aida… 

Good evening, 

I have used your utterly brilliant GC Tooth Mousse for many years. I should be a sales rep for GC Tooth Mousse as I keep telling everybody about its amazing qualities and have even quixotically given away some of my tubes. 

I no longer shoot through the ceiling like a heat-seeking missile every time my Dental Hygienist touches a once-sensitive tooth and believe the enamel on my teeth is now as strong as Kevlar. Even Count Dracula would be impressed.  

Sadly, I have almost run out of my final tube and, even more sadly, it would appear all good things must come to an end as, whilst I was recently experiencing the unbridled joy of root canal therapy for the first time, my Dentist informed me that his practice no longer stocks your wonderful GC Tooth Mousse as apparently I was the only person who ever purchased it (this does at least confirm the stereotype of parsimonious Yorkshire folk even in the ostentatiously affluent metropolis of Leeds). So he recommended I order some online from Amazon instead. 

Metaphorically this felt like a kick in the teeth and I deemed it to be a toothless response coming from a member of the dental profession.

But after much gnashing of teeth, which I suspect is unlikely to do them any good, I acted upon his advice and placed an order via Amazon. Lamentably the tooth mousse has apparently fallen into a cavity, or the River Amazon, whilst in transit. Perhaps somewhere in the UK, a delivery driver is currently admiring his new spearmint flavoured, bulletproof teeth. Amazon are at least refunding me the £13 but I would much rather have the Tooth Mousse. 

I have tried looking elsewhere and everywhere but to no avail. Even Boots the Chemist don’t stock it. I am not a dentist so I wondered if I could please possibly order some Mint flavoured Tooth Mousse directly from yourselves? 

I would be very grateful if this could be possible and I would be happy to buy a 10 pack as I’ll probably give half of them away. I would be most grateful for a fairly swift response as I have been summoned to see my Dental Hygienist again in June and my Dentist who wants to decide whether the tooth in which he seemingly drilled for oil whilst performing root canal therapy, now needs to be extracted.  

Thank you very much,

….after 90 minutes of attacking me with a miniature jackhammer (I was having flashbacks of the scene when Laurence Olivier as Dr Mengele is torturing Dustbin Geroffmann) he told me the tooth is cracked under the gumline so needs to be extracted. 

Eee baa gum – which sounds infinitely preferable to having my tooth drilled non-stop for 50 minutes.

So I told Dr Mengele to fill it instead and I’ll take my chances as it does not hurt and I am paying over £40 per month for my fookeen useless, drop dead Denplan dental insurance policy which conveniently does not cover dental implants unless a tooth is hit by lightning, is kidnapped by Al Qaida, or gets knocked out in a car accident or sporting injury so I have taken up MMA, ice hockey, karate, Formula One, horse riding, tae kwon do, hurling, rugby league, water polo, Bulgarian freestyle wrestling, lacrosse, boxing, dwarf throwing and rugby union for 5 hours each day…   

Rinse……. repeat……