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Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle

~ The Home Pub of the Famous Pink Drinks and Trotter's Ale

Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle

Tag Archives: ‘Shoe

Shoe and HOO and Big Al: Yet Another Episode

12 Monday Apr 2021

Posted by Mark in Sandshoe

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

'Shoe, Big M, Glenda's House of Pain, HOO

HOO says it was out?

Written by Sandshoe

“Y’ can’t be serious.”

“No.”

“What. ‘No’ it’s not possible or y’ don’t believe anything I ever say?”

“Yes.”

“How do you mean ‘Yes’?”

“100%”

“Where’s Big M?”

Hoo and Shoe are painting and papering the old House of Pain. There’s a jingle playing in a background sound track. Remember the jingle? Many hours of fun and laughter are spent at Glenda’s after? Everyone whistled it?

Big M puts his head in. He appears to be hiding the rest of what there is of a whole person behind the wall adjacent to the entrance door.

Shoe pronounces “Window Dresser’s Arms, Pig and Whistle” with relish.

“It’s a good trading name that is,” says HOO. HOO slaps his thighs, getting dust off his cover-all, well, his thighs. The Nail Salon’s gowns are none too commodious. Both of their bums (Shoe’s and HOO’s too) stick clear out the back from under the neat cloth ties that guarantee their frontal modesty. Shoe and HOO are saving their real clothes for a real job.

“The Boss wants us all to work harder.”

“Big, that’s ‘Job Description’.”

“Those gowns look better than the one I’ve got on. Not that I am ungrateful. It’s a saving.”

Shoe guesses the distance. She reaches over and throws Big M a gown pulled down earlier from the clothes stand beside Glenda’s wash troughs.

“Ta. I’ll call Big Al.”

“Who, Shoe? Who is he going to phone?”

“Who, HOO?”

We are down to the barest bones of our truth. We are to arrange a meeting of all the characters and plan a revival of business.

Thus Aristotle’s soul, of old that was,
May now be damned to animate an ass,
Or in this very house, for ought we know,
Is doing painful penance in some beau;
And thus our audience, which did once resort
To shining theatres to see our sport,
Now find us tossed into a tennis-court.

William Congreve: Love is Love (1695)

Anyone wanna a fight oops I mean tennis

Episode 85 Close Nuff: Granny does a Runner

07 Tuesday Feb 2017

Posted by Mark in Sandshoe

≈ 43 Comments

Tags

'Shoe, Foodge, granny, Hung, McSpoorrran

Oops Tartan joker in the pack Kenny Logan created airport mayhem yesterday as Scotland's squad flew off to the rugby World Cup in South Africa.

Oops

Story by Sandshoe.

Shoe and Hung are sittin’ at the bar. They’re fit to burst judgin’ the expression on their faces to say somethin’.Shoe … that’s me (credit idea to Mark who’s Hung to put self in) so don’t go fashin’ yoursel’ ’bout the unusalness of puttin’ a first person in instead of the third and pretendin’ they’re not loungin’ ’round in this e-stablishment with the rest of ’em spinnin’ tall tales and gossipin’ ’bout famous people like their tomorrow’s are all used up … and Hung who’s a sort of confidante of betcha, well, once crowned heads of Europe and knows most the names of every bikie in the carpark since he bandaged up their sore punchin’ wrists and

Chook, a member of the Hell's Angles in the carpark

Chook, a member of the Hell’s Angles in the carpark

daubed iodine on cuts on their sweaty faces durin’ a brawl (lasted a week one long hot summer) they got in started by a mob of upswept vs natural’n’loose hairdressers … are gasbags.

It’s notable the two of ’em are sittin’ at the bar sayin’ nothin’ with that expression on both of their dials anybody knows who frequents … a place of low repute in some people’s diarisin’ and best place in others’ poetry anthology … this place, no home from home sweeter or e-stablishment their fancyin’, not only a scant mention in a lengthy history of the universe and no joke, their place in their sunset years to roost, perpetuals, like the chooks in the rafters.

Hung: Did you say the rafters, Shoe?

Shoe: I did, Hung. I did. Comprendez vous? Comprendez tes mes votre CHOOKS? The Pig’s Arms’ CHOOKS?

Hung: Bit flowery, Shoe. No matter. You sure about the rafters?

Shoe: Sure.

Hung: This comes to me as a surprise we’ve chooks in the attic.

 

The Burrito Brothers

The Burrito Brothers

Shoe: Me too. Not for long. Granny brought ’em back from Mejico, el pollo, see the new menu.

Hung: You mean Mex-ee-co. When did she go there?

Shoe: Yesterday.

Hung: Shoe, I can’t even hear ’em. In the attic? You believed her? I’ll talk to Granny.

Shoe: You’ll be goin’. She’s like a fashed chook on the run. She washed and starched the runner off the bar. She’s in the laundry tryin’ to iron it flat. Reckons she’s done it now.

Foodge: It’s perpendikular?

McSpoorrran (swaggers in the door in a dramatic cover all of clumps of hair of all colours and merged with red hair aglow on shafts of sunlight on his arms, bellows good naturedly): FOODGE! I gave y’ a lend for the hair cut and doin’ yourr nails, mon. Y’ll no’ be spendin’ m’ money in Rrrosie’s Emporrrium and House of Pain drrrinkin’ herr bottomless wee demi tasse’s of mocha and gigglin’ in m’ earrr thrrrough the thin walls in the tenant’s quarrrters all night long and paintin’ herr kitchen clatterrrin’ ladderrrs at 1 o’ the clock in the morrrrrnin’. Y’ owe me, mon. Aye, och, I’ve taken on the empty apparrrtment down the laneway. I’m yourrr neighbourrr now, wee mon and I’ve m’ rrrent to pay.

Foodge’s face would tell us of one dealin’, dinkum, with an ever life alterin’ history of the universe. I’ve laid a bet on it in the Sports Bar.

4:09 pm, South Australian time, 3 January, 2017.

PS: Read about Rosie and Rosie’s Emporium.

https://pigsarms.com.au/tag/rosies-tattoo-emporium-and-house-of-pain/

PPS: Read about McSpoorrran opening upstairs for men above Glenda’s Pig’s Legs Waxing and Beauty Salon

https://pigsarms.com.au/2016/12/21/bumper-christmas-edition-2016-episode-80-foodge-has-an-episode/

binb4yycuaioufb

Here’s a kitten

 

 

Apologies to Sandshoe. I received this story last week but was unable to publish it due to serious health reasons. I went bungee jumping and the rope was too long and needed a few days off.

Hung One On Whitman

08 Thursday May 2014

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Neville Cole, Poets Corner

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

'Shoe, Algy, Asty, Big M, Emmjay, Gez, Gregor, Helvi, Hung One On, Lehan Winifred Ramsay, Merv, Neville Cole, Vivienne, Voice, Warrigal

poets_pub

Story by Neville Cole

I’ll admit it. I tied one on with Hung One On down the Pub last night. As I recall, it all started amicably enough. All the locals were there celebrating the 5th Anniversary. Viv’s spread was a real treat. Gregor took to the mic early on and told some raunchy jokes. Big M was singing Karaoke. I had a grand old time catching up with Algy, Shoe, Voice, Asty, Lehan, Gerard, Helvi, Warrigal and, of course Emmjay. But, much, much later, as closing time drew nigh, things got a little…well, strange. Hung grew increasingly introspective, almost wistful, as the night went on and we began to talk – as we often do when we get this way – about life, about love, and about…poetry.

“Some day, Mate,” he says to me, “I’m gonna go walkabout. I gonna drop this…” he paused for a moment to choose just the right word, than added: “façade…and start living.”

“I know exactly what you mean,” I replied, appropriately emphasizing exactly in exactly the right way as I downed my last Trotters.

“I think you do. I think you do. I know you do!” Hung said with a sudden smile. “You and I aren’t the types to be penned in by… by rules…and, and rules. We are the truth tellers. We are the rebel alliance. We are poets, man…and we should be out there poeting our guts out.”

“We are poets,” I agreed with him. “When I look at you that’s exactly what I see.” I was at this time somewhat fixed on the word exactly as you might have already guessed. But I continued nevertheless: “You, for sure, are a fucking poet, Hung. Walt Whitman’s got nothing on you, brother.”

“Walt Whitman!” Hung leapt to his feet like a sleeping dog woken by a noisy cat. “That’s it!” Hung cried climbing his stool to reach the bar.

“Hey, hey,” Merv sang out. “Closing time, Hung. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.”

“Hear him out, Merv,” I said quietly. “He’s on a roll.”

“Warrigal kept to himself. Quietly sketching away in the corner; but I saw a wry smile break across his face as Hung began to recite a poem in a loud, clear voice.

“Song of MY self,” Hung announced to the almost empty bar. “By Hung One On Whitman.

And what followed, I recorded exactly as it poured from his soul…’cause no one would believe it if I didn’t write it down.

 

Song of my self

 

Come breathe the musk of morning
sit silent at the desert dawn;
Listen for my breath
Here me cry the empty sky
into being
Bathe in the light
I am not lost
nor hidden in rock
I am not dead
you are not dreaming
we are Life eternal.

Throw off your shoes
Did toes in solid earth
Draw kindred souls into your veins
There is not end in sight
no apocalypse is nigh
there is not one of us will die
we all are Life eternal
we are the one supernal
I take you in as you do I
Give yourself to the forests and the seas
We are all what feeds the other
There is no turning back
This is a never ending track that leads back to an open door
no floor
no ceiling to block the light
you are in my sight
no need to fear the night
Feel my warmth on you skin
Let me in
Turn your face to me
Give me a smile for today
You are Life eternal.

Look to the sky
Not a cloud to block the blue
This is my gift to you
This blue sky
that greenish-yellow leaf
the purple pinkness of the flowers
the richness and ceaseless variety
you are wrapped in a multitude of color
all for you this glorious display
I paint the world this way
To make each day your canvas
Take it in
Hold it with you to look upon
During the hours of grey and black
Remember my gift
Seek it out
The new day is just beyond the horizon
It will not be slowed or stopped
It will not hold back from you
Even if you doubt or despair
Even if you curse and cry
Even if you lose your way
Even if you forget
A new day is coming
Every moment
a hundred million every second
all across the Earth
a billion others like you and I
feeling with us
We are Life eternal.

Hung stopped for a moment, then a moment more, then paused, then graceful as a dancer, he bowed deeply and humbly. Emmjay and I cheered. Even Warrigal rose to his feet in applause.

I don’t remember much that happened after that. It’s a bit of a blur. I remember watching the sun come up a few hours later and replaying Hung’s poem in my head; but that’s about it. Still, it was a top notch 5th Birthday bash and I can’t wait till next year’s party.

 

Father O’Way Meets O’Bad – Part 2

02 Friday May 2014

Posted by Mark in Mark

≈ 35 Comments

Tags

'Shoe, Artuurosin O'Dinos, Big M, Eddie O'Bad, Father O'Way

 

O'Way counsels the Sinister Demons to pray

O’Way counsels the Sinister Demons to pray

Story by Hung One On

Geeps with all the excitement going on someone asked where exactly is Missen?

Missen is a planet found in the galaxy that we call Andromeda. As part of my space adventure, I played in the one day cricket final on Flong at the Foval with Big M. This was important to Gordon as he needed to prove that there was a relationship between one day cricket scores and the average number of beans in a 440 gram can of Baked Beans in Tomato Sauce. Hey, you think space and the universe is complicated, well think again.

Big M has become part of my team on the Unnameable II space ship which is currently hiding on the dark side of the moon so not to upset NASA.

After getting the call from God, Big M went back to Missen to pick up Shoe so they could help me with my deep and revealing interview with Eddie O’Bad. However I have just learnt that Eddie has an old mate with him, Arthursin O’Dinos. Now I’m starting to worry, Gordon O’Donnell, Sandy O’Way, Barty O’Farty, Eddie O’Bad and Authursin O’Dinos, hmm. Any one else see a trend developing.?

I ring the Bish. “Hey Bish” I lead “A bit of a problem with names beginning with O”

“Don’t know what you mean Sandy anyway that call girl said she was 16” barks the Bish.

Hmm. Anyway we get to the gates of the O’Bad Ponderosa. A couple of guards approach the car.

“Hey, Sandy here, from the church of St Generic Brand, want to interview the Big O” I say but really not knowing what really to say.

“Well Father, you better turn around and keep going cause Eddie don’t wanna talk to you” says the guard, smiling and laughing to his offsider.

“Well heck guys, but I have the Duckhunt champion from Missen sitting right here that can take you apart within a few seconds” I reply not knowing really what I am saying. Hey, where’s the rum.

Just as that thought crossed my mind, Big M and Shoe were out of the car and after a few shots and screams had the guards under control.

“Big M, what are you doing?” I ask.

“Easy Sandy” he replies “This is a taping technique I learnt in NICU, tape their hands with the gun pointed to their abdomen, one false move, they pull the trigger, he he he he, etc” laughs Big M.

Gut wrenching laughter from Shoe “Me like” grins Shoe.

Geez, do you really know what you’ve been missing?

“Hey Sandy, how bout this” says Big M as the car accelerates and spins in a circle.

“Sandy, we is doing a donut” cries Big M

“Lets shoot some guards” says Shoe.

Bish, what have you done to me.

We travel into the O’Bad Ponderosa and arrive at the main door.

“Eddie, mate” I yell “Just wanna talk, okay”

Meanwhile Big M takes out seven guards and Shoe shoots out six windows on the second floor.

“Wadda ya want to talk about?” screams Eddie. Eddie’s eyes flash from side to side.

“Did ya do it?” I ask. May as well get to the point.

“Do what?” Eddie replies.

“It?” I reaffirm.

“Nah” says Edie

“What about you Artuursin?”

“I don’t remember”

“Did you go to McDonalds” I press.

“Yes” says Eddie, “I like a pickle with a meat patty”

This is unfortunately a true story, well sort of..

 

 

 

 

 

 

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