The Dump is:
For posting comments that don’t get up at the Drum, and for having a pleasant, mirthful or enlightening off-topic discussion.
It’s not for personal abuse of other commenters.
Please do that somewhere else if you must.
Play nicely or piss off.
However, why doesn’t a poster add a link for us to read and comment on here, much quicker. Maybe we can do a bit more bagging here, not that I speak for the moderators, yet.
NB: Being tiresome and boring, racist, sexist or just plain creepy is not playing nicely.
———-
The Pig’s Arms exists because a dozen or so years ago our other favourite playpen – the ABC’s Unleashed blogsphere started to go off. Like a sack of prawn heads in the sun. Something had to be done.
Moderation was taking forever. Comments seemed to be rejected randomly – outrageous ones appeared and reasoned ones were pinged. When they released the Drum / Unleashed ….. things actually got worse !
So many pieces from professional writers appear with no obvious merit. And the moderation has become, to put it frankly, appalling.
As a former contributor and a commenter, I was deeply disappointed at the plummeting quality from our pre-eminent media empire. And I resented so many challenging or dare I say, witty or funny posts in which we’ve invested seconds of our precious time – getting the chop.
So here, for all our benefit – is an open slather blog. Copy and paste your best rejected comments here for posterity. Does not matter whether you’re posting on the Guardian, First Dog on the Moon or wherever else.
And sprinkle pointers to the Pig’s Arms amongst your comments. Let’s try to rescue some of the old faithful.
Cheers,
Emm.
Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle 
I had a beauty pinged on Pebjie post. Something about a nice lady in a cafe/bike shop getting into her first bite of a wrinkly Poruguese Tart with a biker standing next to her table with a lycra short so tight it showed his religious preference.
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Sorry, if I’m off topic, but does anyone else think that drumma of UL is Maddie ?
When you think about this not really off topic, it’s about Maddie’s rejection of us 🙂
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Could be
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My comment on the ABC intro to the Wynne Prize debacle article. Not published of course.
Whatever it is, it isn’t “plagerism”. What makes this gaffe in the ABC introduction worse is that they only had to read the article to find out how to spell plagiarism.
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Same for me, Voice. Mine got pinged – twice.
Don’t know why I bother.
Idle hands being the Devil’s playground, I guess.
Not really idle, just resting between night sweats and day sweats.
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Voice, does your sheep stink?
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It’s there, Voice, and most of Emm’s ‘rejected’ ones as well.
Perhaps your post just got ‘lost’ like my Vegemite one, and they found it later…
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I submitted a similar complaint at one o’clock in the morning on Saturday. May be the moderators are a bit tipsy then. The bounced comment never appeared.
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Just fixing my e-mail address.
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Gerard is back in the Hot Topics – hooray!
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He’s out and about somewhere in the paddocks, so I’ll send his ‘thank yous’ to Armin, T2, Voice, Viv, Algernon, Big M, drumma and Hung and Bill Pit…granny too..
(My little contributions he takes for granted)
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The State Armin said today….
Gerard,
Icon sewer
Heading
For Four Tonne Comments
Four tonne utely.
Formica up
Runneth Ophir
Width Coke
Fanta stick
Spritely
Solo lee
dire beat ease
Utopia lot.
Meat who !
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Nought reel lee reef used
Butterworth safe hinge
from Armin Damoud stooges
Hookahs about addition ?
May thematically fill ossifies
Hazzard issue lake
Bard Yukon knifer
Harness tend
AWOL
Two’s elf dish trucked
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I think that you must have been at Hung’s grog.
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Where is Hung, do we have to send a search party for him as well, WM and ato have already gone walk-about…
Maybe HOO is just sulking.Has anyone heard from Maddie lately?
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Hi H.
Yep, it’s been a bit quiet at the Pig’s lately. I’m betting Waz is down at the Mitchell working hard on his Molong Story. I am hoping that Neville will also grace us with his presence too.
Hung has been posting a bit over at Unleashed.
Nice to see Vivienne here.
You know, despite the general absence of the old guard, and mea culpa, fewer new pieces, we’re still getting over 120 views per day.
I’m cranking up the Foodge work again – feeling a bit more inspired and working a few leisure hours into some otherwise busy work days.
Many thanks for your ongoing support.
Emm
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Both very good Sarahrebral.
Bit we could try God in absentia. He exists for the people that believe in him. I’m sure that we could subpoena thousands who would swear God’s existence.
20 years in hell , with no remission, might change God’s ways. Take away the privileges and worshipping too.
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To Scott – on the poverty of opinion polls.
from Amin Different
Scott, good call. So many polls are pure crap, are they not ?
Back when Unleashed WAS Unleashed, I suggested that instead of yes/no or agree/disagree type questions that Aunty also include options like “How the f*ck would I know” and “Could not give a rat’s arse” as options.
Amazingly, they tidied these up a bit and actually used them for a while.
But that was back in the olden days. This is now.
Do you agree or disagree ?
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The ‘Unleashed’ published the ‘Ban this and that’ article out of kindness by a sub-editor who, ‘like the mice which dance on the table while the cat is away’ managed to get a piece in while big boss J.Green was away.
They always have a choice of a few articles of mine, most get buried or put under the carpet.
I am chuffed that so many of the piglets were so kind and positive in their responses. You made it a formidable success. Many merci’s.
The difficulty is getting pieces that used to be humorous and nonsensical into a format that they will accept. It’s mainly pieces on GWarming or Afghanistan marinated inside Abbott’s lycra-underpants or the pope’s mitre, that get accepted now.
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Gez, I posted a dozen or so comments up at the coke blog this morning. Let’s see what happens to Arminta Crossdressing.
I’d like to propose that we at the Pigs continue to pour the comments in just to re-enforce the point.
I’d love to see it go over 500.
T2 and Hung – get cracking !
here’s the URL, mateys
http://www.abc.net.au/unleashed/stories/s2868554.htm
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I put a comment on Gerard’s article this morning and it has not come up. Banning Bad Things not featured on Unleashed and it is still active. Not happy.
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User friendly ? Not really.
When I used to write for Unleashed, I asked them how many Views (as opposed to comments) my articles were getting. They made out that it would take some effort to get a report.
When in fact this comes free straight out of the box with WordPress – the software we use at the Pig’s and a variation on which, they operate Unleashed.
Nicely dishonest as well as not user friendly. At least sometimes Gez gets paid ( tiny fee) for his articles. I never did.
Taken together, it’s not unreasonable to feel some disaffection.
Post here all you like Viv. We trust you and we do not moderate our friends at all.
I really wish we could get in contact with Sheridan Jobbins and Ian Shadwell. I miss their humour over at Unleashed too.
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And to rub salt into the wound they still feature Stone’s piece
of rubbish when it has been dead for over a week.
Yet another piece of anti-AGW drivel with Sou (prev Mim)
trying to battle the mongrels.
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Under “Hot Topics”, they have sometimes stories that have only about thirty replies. Yesterday I wrote something on the very popular ‘racist’ blog and noticed it was gone this morning..
Drumma was telling me that she hasn’t noticed any changes on UL , but of course it has changed. I already complained about that there are no humorous pieces there anymore (missing Jones, Jobbins and others) so I did not want stir the pot any more…
They might ban me!
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Hot Topics is another sign that Unleashed is finished. Way too much editorial control. It’s still an each-way bet how many comments are lost to information censorship, and how many are lost to sheer incompetence though I think.
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Hi Voice.
I think that light touch editorial is risky, but nowhere near as risky as iron fist, Green style editorial..
I think that he lacks imagination and sees his role in very narrow formulaic terms. The job of an editor as I see it is to select pieces for a variety of audience – not just for oneself, demolish roadblocks for authors, tidy up a bit if – only if it’s too rough, or can it if it’s written anyway like HR’s work – or otherwise generally keep out of the way.
I’ll bet Crikey was glad to see him go – although I suspect that they’re suffering the same problem as the whole online industry – getting paid a decent return for content, and remaining fresh.
Same problems for the Pig’s Arms.
Any chance we might see Voice’s Guide to Football ? The Cricket piece lives on in my memory and cries out for a Winter bookend.
Kind regards,
Emm
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Mike,
I hope you don’t waste your talent doing any actual work. You are too gifted a cat herder.
Regards,
Catherine
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Gez and I sent a comment more or less at the same time, his might have been ten minutes earlier. His appeared immediately and mine came two hours later…
In the mean time I sent the same post again and voila it popped up…
So there they were; two harmless posts, nothing to moderate!
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That other Vivienne refuses to go away and is now posting regularly. The weird thing is that my subsequent post saying something like ‘my shadow’, the other Vivienne etc are not going up. I think I will have to give up and find a new moniker. Have to give it some thought and will let you know what I decide. But I don’t think I can up with anything with as much pizzaz as Emmjay’s alternatives.
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Too kind, Viv.
It used to be that you could register as one of the ABC community so that nobody (who didn’t know your password) could call themselves by the same name. Like a lot of good things, I think this has gone the way of all flesh at Unleashed
I’m amazed at how few posters are called Armin, or Urine, or whatever loony pseud comes into my bonce :-)>
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I have morphed into Stuffed Olive.
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Almond, pimento, anchovy or blue cheese ? Just so we know….
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Viv, I’m a clairvoyant; I ‘knew ‘it was you…
ato crossed my mind too but it wasn’t his style, so I conluded it was your short and precise way of writing.
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I was hoping you would get the connection. Anchovy stuffed olives (and brie) was part of my first comment to something Gerard wrote and you responded.
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This one for Gez banning Coke from Carrie Mia Way
Yukon swearoff all the sweetest stuff
And put away the junk
Deny, refuse and regulate
Until you’re blue with funk.
You can touch up all the rednecks
And flush down all the drugs
Pontificate, procrastinate
And treat the prols like mugs.
You can worry that the brainless mass
Of dickwads, flogs and dills
Are incapable of self-regard
And scoff down jars of pills.
But pointless lives are everywhere
Conspicuous consumption smells
And truth has gone like oyster shells
The liquor has been sucked.
With no other recourse
But to beat retreat
Into a single malt
We can just pull all the curtains closed
and get well and truly …….
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This for the Emm’s and other good ones.
Be gone your cokes,
which darkened guts and teeth
forge profits over souls like jokes
indignant, we all seeth
Mods and meds include codeine
will never regain normal health
which of us could have foreseen
it takes us away with stealth
Now Macca’s invade our space
with sugar laced and bovine’s death
come kids, I am King Rat with angel face
dia-of-betes from feast to wreath
as quick as yesterday’s Macbeth
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Response to Waleed Aly’s piece on the latest refugee “policy” announcement.
============================
Well, W, What is it with being in government ? Does it turn decent people into power-hungry twats ?
I can’t believe they’ve made such a total hash of refugee policy. OK, also with environment, water, CO2, education, health, participation in pointless foreign conflicts, defence purchasing …. sorry, I dozed off for a moment there ….
I recall an old public service mandarin once describing good policy as having no unintended consequences. These days, good policy would seem to have a minimum of at least one INTENDED consequence. The rest we can bury with spin.
In fact, to call how Australia manages refugees “policy” does the term a disservice. In my view we should be calling it “Stuff some faceless twerp made up while stuck in traffic on the way to work”.
That lacks the authoritative tone of “Government policy”, but is redolent with accuracy.
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Emm, I just replied to your, ‘this must be atomou’ comment, see if it gets up. Hopefully Vivienne can entice him back to the folds of PA…
Nice to see you Jules, we have missed you.
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Anyone have a clue where Atomou might be lurking. I thought he would have a comment on Stoopidity with spelling and grammar being his other forte. I miss him heaps.
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Viv, try this
http://www.bacchicstage.com/
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Hasn’t been updated for nearly a month Hung.
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Let’s hope it’s not health problems, I rather hope he’s doing Zorba in Greece…
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I know where he is. I’ll check the S.S. Julian II, I bet he jumped ship
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I’ve even had enough of the Ben Pobjie Weekly Wrap Ups.
Same old Same old ….
And now the week is all wrapped up
The same as every week
We crank the handle one more time
Out pops the sausage – sleek.
I read the first, I read the last
And the weeklies in between
And how the dust has settled fast
On the editor Mr Green.
For imagination’s disappeared
‘Midst formulaic pap
The same old beat up boring guff
Disguised, remains as crap.
The editing has gone to hell
The topics narrowed down
The jokes that once were funny
Reveal a worn out clown.
The same old same
Just change the name
And call it satire
That’s the game.
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Bravo. You would be in the running for most original on the old Unleashed Emmjay. We’re all entitled to recycle a bit when our energy is directed elsewhere. Then again, sometimes I just feel like leaving all ten fingerprints even if I don’t hang a signpost with my name on it.
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Ellis’s story has been sitting at the top of the hit parade on their opening page since 31 March.
To find stories that one has commented on one has to remember the author’s family name or the date.
Why relegate current articles/stories in favour of dead fish?
I don’t have an issue with the repetitive themes: Like a telly, I can change programmes. But the censorship is really quite bizarre. It is haphazard and seems to be up to the mood of the individual moderator, since innocuous replies in a thread are often cut out.
The good thing is that it encourages less participation, leaving the time freer for more worthy tasks!
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I reckon you’re right, Jules. I got sick of hunting for comment threads too. But the killer punch is the last one.
Doing more worthwhile things.
About 300 years ago VoR and I had one of those pivotal exchanges about addictive behaviour on Unleashed – for which I will ever remain grateful. I had a relapse and I think it is very easy for me to give my life over to dialogue with interesting, funny or even total bastard characters – unless I keep a check on myself.
I can understand that T2 is laid up with his pedal recovery and has a bloody good reason to stay at the keyboard, but my last few months have confirmed that I must take a more balanced approach to using my time.
The First Mate and I are working hard on getting physically fit swimming at Brighton le Sands (piece coming on that), boxercise twice a week (surprisingly good fun and very very aerobic exercise) – and a small matter of focusing on work and making sure the pipeline is full and the invoices get paid (highly unusual for me).
I am also concentrating on eating right and trimming another 4 kilos off – as well as cutting the grog down to a max of 3 standard drinks each Friday night and Saturday – dry in the week.
It sounds boring and pedestrian, but I have a growing sense of wellbeing and otherwise the stress and fatigue just overwhelms me.
Now, I am trying to make sure I keep at least a modest amount of writing going…. and the balance seems to be becoming pretty right.
Good to hear from you BTW.
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Good poem Mikey. What’s sobriety like? Sounds awful.
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It’s a shocker, Hung. That’s why I’m working on getting pissed on 3 std drinks – twice a week.
Exhausting….
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It felt pretty dire at first, Hung.
Now I’m getting used to it. BTW – apropos of your loss of driving licence matter. I think Alfie Langer has just invented a new defence – “Loss of licence will harm my ability to coach footy”.
Works for Alfie ! But you might have to put up with a pack of snotty little tackers for a while.
Yeah, maybe you’re right.
Probably not worth it. 🙂
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I see it got up Turner. However, one I wrote on Bob Ellis’s blog about abuse in the Catholic church didn’t. I didn’t save it to share either, unfortunately.
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That’s it, Algy. I got sick of some of my more pointy ones just vaporising. Hence the Unleashed space.
Surprised I was that mine got up. Might be taken down tomorrow when Mr G comes on shift….
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Yes Emm, thats been known to happen. I had it happen once when I told some truths about the restraunt of the exotic lizard and the possible orchestrations of a local political identity as well as the sales speal of a well known business. It wasn’t hard to join the dots, not that the idiot press could, it didn’t fit into their headline. Anyhow a well connected politcal political friend of mine confirmed what I though had gone on. The post lasted all of an hour before it wall pulled. Somewhat suprising given it was a Sunday.
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I was critical of UL in a funny humorous fashion to soften the blow, but they did not publish it.
Maybe both humour and criticism are out. I don’t mind Ben Pobjie but it’s a bit much to have him every week, like some others that are popping up once week.
So many good people have left the place, so it’s less interesting; Mulga only lasted for some three posts…
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My comment today on UL is below.
“Even by Unleashed standards the presentation of this article is an editorial low.
At the top the article is attributed to JESSICA Woodhead. The article is immediately followed by a few brief words attributing it to JACINDA Woodhead. In either case, clicking on the link for the name takes you to a brief Unleashed bio for Jessica Ainscough.
Only recently a journalist who was published on Unleashed went online in the comments on his own article to apologise for his English errors, saying that he had assumed some kind of editorial process before publishing.
We, the readers, deserve a lot better and the ABC is doing its reputation no service. ”
Here is my follow-up comment:
”
Following on from my previous comment on Unleashed editing, I wonder whether the choice of subject matter reflects the poor editing standards, or whether the ABC has a policy of being “controversial”. This article is a case in point. I have no objection to an article accusing Australia of being racist country. Unleashed as a soapbox is a great concept. But there has been a series of such articles, wholly out of proportion to the significance of their content.
”
Bottom line:
As has been said in in different words already, there’s little point in bitching about it. Unleashed is a great concept that failed. Crappy editing is I believe a significant part of that.
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Hi Voice.
My views about Unleashed are well known, and I heartily agree with you.
AND …
The new design is far too cluttered and confusing. The selection of articles is weak-minded. The editing is non-existent – or put another way, the support for authors is non-existent. We have gone from a submit and get a response same day deal to a pitch an idea, it goes to the editorial committee meeting, then it might or might not get published – as is, with no feedback to the author either way. SOME authors get paid. The editors have a crazy idea about what constitutes “balance” – a respected scientist on climate change is “balanced” by a rant from some fuckwit loony denialist with no credentials and no facts. The range of hot topics could be counted on the fingers of one hand. They publish out and out advertorials – witness the Apple iPad – which BTW, the ABC are publishing an app for reading / viewing ABC content. Is this Kosher for a non-advertising public organisation ? Finally, and this is really IT for me – there is hardly ever anything funny these days. But then – how would I know, since besides Gregor’s pieces, I just don’t go there any more.
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Thanks for your reply Emmjay. Having just discovered
that the Pigs Arms is real has made my day. I need to get
the feel of how you all come together on this site but I must
say it feels so good.
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How does one put a thumbnail photo up?
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Hi Vivienne. Thank you for your kind comment.
Next month the Pig’s Arms is one year old. Over 350 articles, 80,000 views and 10,000 comments. On average we get between 150 and 300 views per day.
I think you need to google Gravatar and link a photo with your email address there. There’s usually a delay for a shortish while and then, bingo – you can be visible too. And you can change the pic as often as you like. Note – other blog sites that use gravatars will post your pic automatically too.
BTW I don’t usually walk around with my alfoil hat on ! Well, maybe at home….
Regards,
Emm.
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Support for authors non-existent. Consideration for readers’ sensibilities non-existent.
Poorly implemented web site change for changes’ sake it appears to me, although with a little common-sense it could be made functional. The main issue being not disappearing articles that are only a few days old from all indexes except published date. Doesn’t Green READ the site? T
There appear to be a few pet topics that get rammed down our throats repeatedly, and although I didn’t notice the change in Editor at the time, I’d say in hindsight that is when this became extreme. Lack of balance is a secondary issue in my mind. Why ram these topics down our throat in the first place?
Perhaps the ABC wanted a Crikey-style site. For that, there is Crikey. I think they are doing controversy for controversy’s sake. For that, there is A Current Affair. Come on ABC.
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Same here.
The new editor, Johnathon Green, might have wanted his stamp on the Drum/Unleashed and decided to only publish unhumorous pieces that would be so outstandingly boring, that many would be losing their alphabet, even perhaps the will to live on, and that on its own would be noteworthy,.
I was promised a piece this week, but with three new ones today and Pjobje ‘summing down’ next, I don’t hold my garlic prawned breath.
Perhaps it has been and gone. Did anyone see anything flashing by?
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I guess I was having a mental wander today Gez. I spotted it – and commented – as I would for you – and Gregor. I dropped a barb on Ben P’s piece – which has followed his usual predictable formula.
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Jonathon Green from Crikey? Hmph. I am going to email him if possible.
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Totally agree with all you say. I have been getting pretty pissed off with the direction Unleashed has taken. Tacking it on to the Drum was totally unnecessary. The free rein given to the IPA is now nothing short of outrageous. And I am stuck with that other slightly weird nutty Vivienne. Yes, the fun has been squeezed out and the nastiness let in by a moderator who doesn’t seem to know the meaning of the word.
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Vivienne, you’re most welcome over here at the Pig’s Arms – as a reader, commenter or contributor.
Cheers,
Emm
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Hi Vivienne. You are clearly a woman of discernment and intelligence. 🙂
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I am perhaps old fashioned on the issue of names. I was appalled a while back when in a UL article the author spelt the name of the writer in three different ways, of which presumably only a maximum of one was correct. In my opinion, even if you get nothing else correct, you should get people’s names right. It is a gross lack of courtesy not to take that trouble. As I recall they made a couple of name changes, eventually ending up with one that was different from that used in any other publication but was at least internally consistent.
At least then my criticism was published.
Now they’ve descended to getting their own author’s names wrong. They censored my criticism. It was harsh but fair, and totally polite. It should have been published and there should have been an apology attached to it from the ABC. I have lost respect not only for the competence of Unleashed editing but for its integrity.
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On Trevor Cook’s Blog about Tony Abbott, I commented – because I could
Iron Man indeed.
A fit bastard he might be, but a bastard is a bastard, none-the-less.
Look at that, Mum ! I managed to get three “bastards” into one sentence, and never mentioned Tony Abbott by name once !
And the chances of getting that up might be …..
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Bastard
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I mean Trevor Cook is a homo anyway
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Well, not really a homo, but he likes a prostrate check
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Nick the Dick Holland posted an article on UL. My reply to a poster will never get up or will it?
Mk2, Yes I’m with you mate. The Eagles should go to Room 43. A defenseless young woman high on drugs will be provided for the teams pleasure. The coke will be in a bowl on the table courtesy of Manny and Cuz. Take your turn by your jumper number and a video of the events will be provided later. When the media finally report this just say you were under stress from being a high profile small fish bowl sports star. If you kick goals or win games all will be forgiven unless your name is Wayne.
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Can’t see this one getting up either
Yes DannyS, Unleashed is a stupid thing just like any blog. A collection of people who voluntarily submit themselves to abiding by arbitrary rules laid down by whim and whimsy to achieve an outcome that has no benefit other than to please the posters. It’s called having fungus. For no other reason than that, having fungus. Are you against people having fungus or do you simply insist that your own version of having fungus is superior? Do you actually have any fungus? I’m intrigued as to what it might be, assuming that you do of course. Perhaps try Griseofulvin.
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Shit Hung you’re having a bad night, to Hudson
Oh I don’t know. He could ram home a goal. Lay a maiden or two. Wear a strap on and a skirt leading to a lot of higher interest. He could ignore common decency. He could vote liberal and support the KKK. He could throw children overboard, bribe wheat officials and preach the greed is good mantra. He could deny climate change, put on a paternal tax and change his mind by which way the wind blows, sound familiar?
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That Ben Prick, just can’t help myself
Yes Joe, I’m with you. I can see Ben with one finger in his rectum and the other adjusting his rhinoplasty. You’re on to something Joe.
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You’re on fire, Hung. Take no poisoners.
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Hungie, this is a master sledge. Well done !
Thank you for posting it here, since I have given up going to Unleased except for very rare occasions where there might be something amusing going on – sometimes Ben Pobjie – except that he’s becoming pretty predictable.
Apologies for leaving you out of the named geniuses list. My bad, as the Emmlet minor is given to say.
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Thanks Mikey
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Two of the four got up Hung. MK2 didn’t seem to get the bias that UL seems to give to AFL. Yet there are many like him who defend their sport to the hilt Nor did he seem to get the blanket coverage the game seems to get in Melbourne and Adelaide. There a funny lot those AFL supporters.
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Anon, joked asks……..on TQ’s blog……..
“I’m new to unleashed. Do we just post every 15 hours or so?”
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Vor, R U VOR?
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No Julian. VOR really knows his stuff, doesn’t he? Impressive.
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How are you keeping?
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Hi JL. Funnily enough I was just thinking about you. I just reset the PA clock for the end of Daylight Savings time, and I was wondering if this means that we are now back on the same time as you. I changedby it an hour, hopefully in the right direction, I guess the time on this comment will tell.
I’m treading water hard. Appreciate the opportunity though. Life is good.
Toi?
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Yes, we are on the same waveband now. Although this site seems to have an upside down clock.
It’s 10:36 here and I am hoping to get a good nights sleep, to get to grips with some tasks early tomorrow.
I’ll catch up again.
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I have been trying to post this for two years, but have given up now.
A man went into a chemist’s shop and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman serving behind the counter said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She then asked again if she could help the gentleman.
The man said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The man swallowed hard, before reluctantly agreeing and stammered out, “This is so difficult for me to explain to you, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it.” The pharmacist said, “Just a minute, I’ll go talk to my sister.”
When she returned, she said, “We’ve talked it over it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership of the shop, a company car, and $1,500 a month living expenses.”
—————–
I went in the other day for some aspirins and saw him helping out in the vitamin department. He looked tired.
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You could always call it “The people’s radio”.
The potential is enormous. just think of the revival of, ‘marching music’, and inventive quiz programmes such as, ‘what slogan is that’?
There could be prizes for ‘the most dolorous speech’, with packets of cabbage seeds as 1st prize and ‘lunch with a celebrity’ third.
How about tenth prize? Lunch with Bob Ellis, Gordon Nuttal, Mark Latham and Wayne Swan.Wow that would be a hoot.
Awaiting moderation on Frankie Fraser’s blog.
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Julian, I noticed that you have been talking to yourself on UL, or is the other one your brother 🙂
I replied to your post re “The People’s Radio”. Do you really breed goats?
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Yeh!!!
The goat thing was true. They were toggen something or others.
I don’t lie about my past or what I think. I only fib if I am making mischief, or telling a (made up) story.
I haven’t been talking to myself….Which reference??
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Toggenberg!
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I better check before I reply 🙂
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Reading UL today, I thought the Lord HaHa sounded like you, Julian. Maybe you two are just relatives…
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Not guilty!
I have a few, but not the ones’ that granny thinks.
You’d be surprised.
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Country Life
A FARMER DECIDED HE WANTED TO GO TO TOWN AND SEE A MOVIE.
THE TICKET AGENT ASKED,
“SIR, WHAT’S THAT ON YOUR SHOULDER?”
THE OLD FARMER SAID,
“THAT’S MY PET ROOSTER CHUCK. WHEREVER I GO, CHUCK GOES.”
“I’M SORRY SIR,” SAID THE TICKET AGENT.
“WE CAN’T ALLOW ANIMALS IN THE THEATER.”
THE OLD FARMER WENT AROUND THE CORNER AND STUFFED CHUCK DOWN HIS OVERALLS. THEN HE RETURNED TO THE BOOTH, BOUGHT A TICKET, AND ENTERED THE THEATER.
HE SAT DOWN NEXT TO TWO OLD WIDOWS NAMED MILDRED AND MARGE.
THE MOVIE STARTED AND THE ROOSTER BEGAN TO SQUIRM. THE OLD FARMER
UNBUTTONED HIS FLY SO CHUCK COULD STICK HIS HEAD OUT AND WATCH THE MOVIE.
“MARGE,” WHISPERED MILDRED.
“WHAT?” SAID MARGE.
“I THINK THE GUY NEXT TO ME IS A PERVERT.”
“WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SO?” ASKED MARGE?
“HE UNDID HIS PANTS AND HE HAS HIS THING OUT”, WHISPERED MILDRED…
“WELL, DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT”, SAID MARGE.. “AT OUR AGE WE’VE SEEN ‘EM ALL”
“I THOUGHT SO TOO”, SAID MILDRED,
“BUT THIS ONE’S EATIN’ MY POPCORN!”
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So good, I nearly wet myself!
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Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer
when he hears a knock at the door.
When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling:
‘You Sign! You sign!’
Behind him is an enormous truck full of accelerator pedals.
Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder:
‘You Sign! You sign!’
Nelson says to him, ‘Look, you’ve obviously got the wrong man’, and shuts the door in his face.
The next day he hears a knock at the door again.
When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads.
He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson’s nose again, yelling:
‘You sign! You sign!’
Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back shouting:
‘Look, go away! You’ve got the wrong man. I don’t want them!’ Then he slams the door in his face again.
The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again.
On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting:
‘You sign! You sign!’
Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.
This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little Man by his shirt front and yells at him:
‘Look, I don’t want these! Do you understand?
You must have the wrong name!
Who do you want to deliver these to?’
The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:
………
(Wait for it)………..
(Get your best Chinese accent ready)
‘You not Nissan Main Deala?’
Sorry corny I know….But I couldn’t resist after I saw WM’s Viking joke.
His was topical I suppose. But can we say that mine was in the spirit of ‘the Zephyrs’.
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This would gave been rejected I’m sure!!
Bank ATM
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
‘Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.’
*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and
Withdraw..
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
*******************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth.!!!!
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9 Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet, and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
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I thought perhaps a telling off from you Helvi, or Voice. Ho hum.
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No telling off from me, your story is quite funny. I have often turned my handbag upside down on the street looking for my cards, keys…
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VoR will know that she is guilty of all of the above
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yo
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Weird things happening on UL…
This morning I asked politely why we have black tiled roofs on our houses in Australia. It got up, then it disappeared. I wrote back asking if someone ate it, and now it’s there..(on Mark Rolfe’s blog)
Maybe the moderators are too busy coping with the tsunami of posts on Hamilton’s stories!
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