Look Father O’Way here, well look the Bish is still really pissed, I mean I just left Shappy on the beach and the Bish rings,” ‘bout the DNA test, the lawyers are tellin’ me you better keep runnin’”. The Bishop says he wants me to go to China and see a bloke called Who. Dr Who? Sunday night, ABC isn’t it? I mean, like, okay then, I’ll do it for the Bish.
So I have to see this South American bloke in jail in China. A cab from the airport drops me at the headquarters, a multi-story building and black glass, scary. I go through into the foyer. “Who do you want to see?” “Yes, Hu, thanks”, “Pardon?”, “Hu thanks, look to steer clear of the Abbott and Costello routine I have cash man, US dollars plus, can we bounce along please?” I flash a brown paper bag full of notes, the warden nods. “Now Hu’s on first, Watt’s on second”, “Yeah, I know, I dunno third base, look do you know who Abbott and Costello are?” he looks puzzled for a minute and answers “Yes, they’re members of the Australian Liberal Party”. Jesus Christ, I could go a couple of Trotters at the moment.
I’m taken to a room on the first floor and given a cigarette which is odd because I don’t smoke, and am told to wait. A Chinese man is led in “Father O’Way son, the Bishop has sent me to see you Mr Hu”. “Please call me Stern”, “That’s a bit harsh isn’t?” I reply, “No, that’s my English name, my Chinese name is Hu Shitai, if you Aussies get hold of that then I’m history”, hmmm what could the gang down the Pigs Arms do with that I wonder. “You don’t seem South American to me? The Bish said you’re from Rio”. “That’s who I work for, Rio Reinforso and these blokes think I stole some secrets off them. It’s a pack of bullshit, Kev will get me off I mean he’ll tell them in Mandarin”. I didn’t know what to say, what has Kev got to do with citrus? The plot was thickening and getting worse. “Bless you my child”
“Father they have told me that I will face justice, do know this justice bloke?” Oh shit, not that winger from Queensland! I tried to stay calm but the only thing I could blurt out was “Look, son, run in to touch, God will bless your soul”. “And father who will look after my wife while I’m here?” My ears prick up “Trust me my son, I will be there for her, her every need will be my concern, every thrust and parry, every inch, every whim” “Father O’Way you’re dribbling”