I was enjoying the deeply respectful space most (well, all really) drivers allow a huge geometrician, wearing his colours and riding a Fat Bob and I was kidding myself that having a private dick on the pillion was adding a little more cachet. But it didn’t take long for the reverie to evaporate and the growing concern over the purpose of the visit to Highbury to fill the small screen of my imagination.
The Harlet ate the few miles between Shorty Chang’s and the Angles centre. She was running sweetly despite being a travelling typographical error. Pi piloted the beast up to the wrought iron gates and gave the security cameras a good look at us. Their approval was given with a buzz and a click and the gate opened up sufficiently to allow us passage.
I was admiring the renovations the Angles had done since the unfortunate bombing incident. Their long-running turf dispute with the neo-Cartesian Co-ordinates had spilled over from spiteful exchanges of letters in “Geometry Today” into something more sinistra. It was generally agreed that taking a hard line from A to B was plane and simple and that nothing was to be gained by insisting that Reinmann was superficial.
The bombing, wrecked the Highbury façade, but there was no reported casualty. The word at the Pig’s Arms was that this was more a reflection on the quality of reporting than an accurate picture of the human collateral damage. According to the press the dispute was a bit over the top and despite Rouge making non-committal denials on TV, it was clear to everyone that the police had more than an academic interest in the feud.
We got off Pi’s machine and since Pi filled the western hemisphere, I took the hint and headed east through the next airlock into the Highbury anteroom. It was surprisingly elegant. The walls were wood panelled and reminded me of a spartan gentleman’s study. It was reminiscent of an academic institution. The clue that I picked up could well have been the shelves of books. There was a blackboard filled with a complex proof. On second look, it appeared to be a complex proof written in Cyrillic script.
I was about to take a seat and do a quick scan of my pockets for the remaining aspirin, but Pi’s look suggested that the Angle’s boss was waiting and that the meltdown behind my eyelids was going to have to wait. He motioned me to knock and to go through the heavy door to the left. I did. “Da” was the reply. I opened the door and entered.
An ordinary person could have been forgiven for imagining that he was confronting a man who looked a lot like Trotsky. But I’m a private dick and we’re trained to spot the difference between the genuine article and the fake. And this was the real deal. The eye patch. The steel-rimmed monocle. The Einstein hairdo. The icepick letter opener on his desk.
There was a square hippo skin rug next to the credenza. Next to that were two other smaller pieces of preserved pachyderm skin. I could see that the square of the hippopotamus was roughly equal to the sum of the squares of the other two hides.
Trotsky was obviously very pleased by my situational appraisal. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that the discovery was not so novel.
I was wondering how much more of this weirdness I could beria, when the phone on Trotsky’s desk rang.

You’re writing to quickly for me Emmjay.
I think I’m still in an airport, or ..I can’t remember now!
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At the point of origin of this seemingly infinite series I felt no relationship to the characters who figure in it. But on reflection, without being hyperbolic in my praise, I think it is a question of viewing it from the right angle. As my own comments are often elliptic, I feel in alignment to some degree with the current transformation of the story.
I am now feeling more complementary to the author. Whose volume of work seems to be a product of the lengths to which he is prepared to go to get a laugh, by the breadth of his experience, by the height of absurdity. Whereas Foodge himself is clearly the product of a broken home, in combination with frequent deviation from the straight and narrow. A one-dimensional figure, and clearly a derivative of the seedy detective novel formula, Foodge is nonetheless able to take the story in many directions.
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This comment speaks volumes, Voice.
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Yeah, you could say that; but I just like the jokes.
“There goes Riemann Simony!” was the name of an album released by a group of pure mathematicians which told the story of a multidimensional seller of ecclesiastical indulgences.
The stand out track was “One Man’s Ceiling Is Another Man’s Floor.” which of course only makes sense in Riemann Space.
“Yeah, she loves me like a rock, oh baby….”,
…….and while you’re all in a singing mood, how about these old favourites from the Manning Bar….
You can bring Mao and Lin Biao
But don’t bring Trotsky
You can bring Ho and Uncle Joe
But don’t bring Trotsky
Trotsky’s a real cool smarty
Fucked up the Communist Party
You can bring Kim and Kosygin
Trotsky can go and get fucked!
Or what about this one…. (Sung to the tune of “If You Knew Suzie”)
If you knew Trotsky like I know Trotsky
Oh oh oh what a guy
He loves to shoot pheasants – or is that peasants?
Oh oh, let’s shoot another Makhno
If you ever meet him you’d better agree
Or else he’ll shoot you as a counter-revolutionary
If you knew Trotsky like I know Trotsky
Oh oh what a guy
If you knew Trotsky like I know Trotsky
Oh oh oh what a guy
He’ll give you forced labour and tell you it’s a favour
Oh oh, let’s run another Kronstadt show
And don’t ever ask him how he won the Civil War
Or he’ll take ten workers and line them up against the wall
If you knew Trotsky like I know Trotsky
Oh oh what a guy.
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It would have been nice if they could have fitted those ditties into the Remaining Space on the album, Warrigal.
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Who DO you relate to Voice?
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It depends on my mood HOO. Sometimes Marilyn Monroe, other times Clytemnestra. Still other times Alan Quartermain. Your good self?
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Paul Davies
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Good choice. According to Wikipedia he is eight persons in one.
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True. He’s the one that wrote “The Mind of God”
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Outstanding, I mean last night I was outstanding in the field
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I’m standing right out of this one!
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HOO enjoys going off at a tangent.
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